How could i have ever let myself get involved with this cult? pains me when i think about it.

by goingthruthemotions 17 Replies latest jw experiences

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  goingthruthemotions

  1. When i think about where i am at now in my life, in my marriage, with my kids.

  Why? Why did i get involved with this cult?

  • I have brought out the cult personality in my wife and there no turning her back. she is one of those that will not research about the Borg. she accepts new light and trusts the GB with all her heart.
  • i have taken from my kids to have a normal childhood, holidays, birthdays.
  • i have put unneeded stress on my marriage because i don't believe the lies. i am considered an apostate...What ever!
  • This cult has ruined any spirituality i had.
  • There's no easy way out is there? Divorce? start over?
  • i get so upset for the situation i have put my family in....for accepting the lies,
  • i hate my wife for what she has become.
  • when she is her authentic self, i love her with every once of energy, every breath. when she is in cult mode
  • i loath her. i want my wife back, i want my family back...i want time back, so i could have never took that first step into the worse mistake of my life.
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  KateWild

  GTTM,

  Sounds like you're not having a good day today. Some people can leave and live in a divided household. They can just enjoy their family and doing daily things.

  I am divorced, and the divorce and custody battle is something I would not wish on anyone unless you're lives are at risk and children need to be protected form domestic violence or sexual abuse. Try and plan days out on Saturdays with your family and spend quality time doing activities with them to bring you all closer.

  Take Care

  Kate xx
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  tiki

  Hang in there....make sure those kids have an enjoyable childhood...without the crazy religious rules. Up the positive activities with your wife...do neutral stuff together and forge a bond stronger than the religion one that has her shackled. And chin up!! Were all rooting for you!!
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  Ignoranceisbliss

  GTTM, Sorry you are having a hard time. The Borg puts those of us that no longer believe but who's family still does in an awful situation. There are no "good" options.

  Iggy
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  Sugar Shane

  Regarding the divorce option, I'd prefer that route over living with all the tension, day after day. That said, I would only do it if the odds of custody were in my favor. If the best I could get was every other weekend with kids, or something like that, then "hell no" I wouldn't go that route. It's all about the kids at this point, and making sure they don't get fully indoctrinated.

  I made am ultimatum with my wife (she's JW and I'm not) in which I was fully prepared to go through divorce if she didn't back off trying to get the kids baptised, ect. I meant it, and the ball was completely in her court if she wanted to stay together. She backed down, but I'm still keeping an eye on her. Btw, my older kid sees the TRUTH about 'the troof' now, and doesn't want to get baptised. I also made clear that any baptism decision MUST go through ME, as head of houshold according to Watchtower's own writings. Otherwise, we're back to the 'nuclear option' of divorce...er private arbitration in my case (my wife doesn't want to make a scene in front of her family). Setting the ultimatum isn't fun, but since she sees everything in black & white, I found I had to dish it right back. It's the only language she understands...like the US Prez dealing with North Korea.

  Questions:

  1) Are you the sole breadwinner? Or main one?

  2) Do you, or others on this board feel that given all the negative publicity surrounding the JWs child-abuse policies, shunning, ect., that your chances of custody are improved in a divorce court?

  3) Given the cutbacks, and money grabbing, are the congregations still going to great lengths to defend fellow JWs in divorce cases? If so, how would they fare against some of the law-firms/consultants which specialize in defending the non-JW parent?
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  Darkknight757

  I echo the words of those who have already commented. Chin up and do positive things with your wife. Plan a weekend getaway, buy her flowers unexpectedly, buy her a small gift for no reason at all. Plan little things every once in a while as a family that will make them miss a meeting here and there.

  My wife sounds an awful lot like your except we don't have kids yet. She is open now but it takes time.

  Sadly though some may never wake up so just be prepared to deal with that. Remember all the stories the Borg says of unbelieving mates who years later came into the truth? Well your story may be the opposite. It just takes time.
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  stuckinarut2

  Well said darknight!
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  goingthruthemotions

  thanks everyone for the positive vibes....sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks and feel like i am stuck in quick sand and can't get out.
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  TheListener

  Hang in there GTTM. We all have bad days, even couples who don't have the witness issue have others to deal with.

  For me it was all about the kids. I put all my effort and straight to raise my kids to not be dubs. That added even more stress on my marriage but I considered, and still do, my marriage as secondary to my kids freedom.

  My kids are free and my maritam stress goes up and down. Probably a lot like yours. Hang in there and enjoy the good times and if you can, stay focused on your kids.
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  cappytan

  GTTM: How old are your kids again?

  You should just start celebrating the holidays and birthdays with your children. Your wife's cult demand she be submissive to her husband. According to watchtower doctrine, she is to "win you without a word."

  When she puts up a stink, remind her of this.