The Constant Mindchatter After You Leave (page 2)

stuckinarut2

Great idea Dubstepped!

Please do your story with dubstepped PE!!!

We would love that

scratchme1010

Thank you for sharing. You don't ask for advice, and I respect that. However, please give yourself some time. 2 years is not a long time to de-influence yourself from the WT nonsense.

May I ask, where do you find peace of mind and comfort? Have you replaced the JWs with something healthy, not necessarily spiritual, but whatever void the JWs filled for you, do you get those needs fulfilled somewhere else (if you were a JW for a reason, not a born-in)?

Also, if you feel such discomfort, maybe talking to a mental health professional can help. Would you be open to that idea? Meanwhile, I'm glad that you are sharing here, who knows how many others are going through the same.

pale.emperor

Dubstepped - I'd love to :)

May I ask, where do you find peace of mind and comfort? Have you replaced the JWs with something healthy, not necessarily spiritual, but whatever void the JWs filled for you, do you get those needs fulfilled somewhere else (if you were a JW for a reason, not a born-in)?

When i first left i just enjoyed free Thursday evenings and free weekends. I lived a libertine lifestyle for a while and looked into things that were previously verboten. It allowed me to see who i really am and what my personal morals are. It wasn't easy and wasn't always pleasant confronting deep held beliefs and trying to understand if this really was my own belief or was it instilled in me? I studied other religions and philosophies objectively and took on board things i thought were useful and discarded them if they proved harmful or useless. In my search for rationality and pure truth of the world around me, it meant that my views on the origin of humans, abortion, the death penalty, treatment of homosexuals etc all got scrutinized to a high degree.

I find comfort in the fact that it's a miracle i was even born, so i just try to enjoy everything and try everything i want to try. I have a lot of interests and hobbies (too many to pursue entirely) such as photography, languages, music and writing.

My philosophy of life and the way i live is influenced by some Buddhist, some La Vayan Satanist, and general "live and let" live attitude. I now have my own personal morals and i dont force them or preach them on others.

Finkelstein

I think its important to accept and realize that the JWS's indoctrination process takes a long time to fully leave the conscious mindset of someone who was in this cult for a long time and that's because the WTS's deeply seats into an individual through constant questions and answer indoctrination unlike common Christian religions which are certainly less.

In a matter of fact the WTS intentionally brainwashes people with provocations of fear to control someone to their will and means so that they dont leave, money and free labor being the most important.

OneEyedJoe

I tend to take a practical approach combined with a bit of the idea behind the alcoholic's prayer - change the things you can, accept the things you can't change. So if you can't change something (i.e. that your family is in the cult, that the cult exists, etc) you just have to accept it and move on and force yourself not to dwell on it. If it doesn't have any tangible effect on anything, then why worry about it at all?

If you find yourself dwelling on some aspect of the cult, just ask "does thinking about this affect anything?" or "If I figure this out, how would it change my behavior?" and if it doesn't matter (i.e. dwelling on the flaws in the cult's argument about the 144k being literal or not, if you see the bible as a whole as having no divine value) then you just move on. Try something akin to mindfulness meditation - allow the thoughts to pop up, but don't entertain them. With practice you'll dismiss things quickly and not dwell on worthless cult stuff that has no bearing on your day-to-day life anymore.

DesirousOfChange

But that's because nobody understands except us.

As much as they may try, "outsiders" will never understand. That's why we're here. We've all walked the same path.

I think that for a long time I had some lingering doubts (what IF they --WT-- are right?) and I had to get past that. In fact, I think there are many JWs who are still "in" by the fact that they just keep "one foot in the (KH) door" just in case -- just in case . . . Armageddon does come "tomorrow" -- or, just in case . . . the GB does know something "special". You can see that these people are NOT living The Troof. They are just "hedging their bets".

Once I got past that phase and was fully convinced that WT is total bullshit I think I moved on in my recovery. I also worried all my life that everything that went wrong was either Satan testing me or the loss of Jehovah's blessing. Everything that went right was either Jehovah blessing me, unless it was too good, then it might be Satan tempting me. How f*cked up is it to go through life with that thinking? So now, besides being beyond the WT Spell, I think I am also beyond the God Delusion. I really would prefer to believe that somewhere, sometime a Higher Power (GOD?) will "fix it all", but I see no evidence to put any hope on that. Injustice will continue and will often prevail. No one is going to "make it right". No one promised that life would be fair. In fact, often life is a bitch! Deal with it. When life serves you up lemons, make margaritas!

SummerAngel

I have a bit of a love hate relationship with this site for the reasons you cite, it fires me up and makes me angry towards my family. I find limiting it helps. Until I got involved in the exfiles world I barely gave it a second thought. I feel like there's always unfinished business with this aspect of my life but I guess I learnt to live with this before and can again. I'm trying to largely stay away from this site for above reasons and did find it helps because you just focus on day to day life which helps move you on.

I'm also training as a counsellor with the aim to support people coming out of cults.

CovertsadJW

I’ve thought of the same things and have some of the same issues - what I may try and do is give myself a time limit everyday to address and mourn my loss and losses. We are all severely impacted by this cult so it will always be a part of who we are. Just as war , famine , rape physical abuse and emotional abuse , etc will always be a part of those who have experienced it firsthand. I have been mourning he loss of my “ faith “ and my family does not undersntad - my parents most likely think I’m “nuts” I can’t share how I feel with my JW wife - I literally feel like I’m going crazy at times. I don’t know allot but I feel like I know the following: I am a good person who has been abused by a cult. I no longer want to be a part of that cult. I want to also help others to avoid the JW cult like practices. It also drives me crazy that people “ don’t get it “ , but they never will unless the research and dig. .....

Pete Zahut

When making a big change in your life, they say to allow 1 month for ever\y year that you were involved in the activity that is no longer part of your life. For instance, if you were at a job 10 years, you'd need to allow 10 months for that period of your life to be behind you so that it no longer has any bearing on your current life. So after 31 years of being "in" it may take you a little over 2.5 years to get over it.

Most people view the JW religion as being fanatical or cult-like. If you are having obsessive thoughts about JW's it's because you/we were systematically "indoctrinated" or "inculcated" as they like to call it.

As with all obsessive thoughts, you'll need to train yourself to get them under control. It might be a good idea to set aside a time each day where you allow yourself to think about JW related matters. Each time you have an unwanted JW argument in your head during the day, you can remind yourself that you're only allowed to think about those things during your designated time of day. Later, at that designated time, jot the topic down in a notebook and include your counter argument and then put it aside. That way these thoughts will have had a conclusion, rather than circling around in your mind, further ingraining them into your subconscious. Close the note book and say out loud or to yourself, " I have control of my thoughts and I decide what I'm going to think about". You can also make this (or something similar) a "Mantra" that you use during the day when you catch yourself thinking unwanted thoughts.

Eventually this healthy habit will replace the unhealthy one you've fallen into. that of obsessively thinking of all things JW. as they randomly enter your head. Eventually you'll be able to dismiss these and other unwanted thoughts from you mind as they arise.

compound complex

Greetings, pale.emperor:

What a great thread! Helpful and useful tools for self-improvement. No "be warm and well fed" here! I have really benefited from reading everyone's comments.

I never thought I'd recover from my life and its woes, but I actually feel contentment and purpose at this time, going into my 7th decade. I'm so glad friends, family, and my great therapist supported me through the worst and rejoiced with me during the best.

May it be the same for you, Friend!

The Constant Mindchatter After You Leave

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