When you were in

by Esmeralda001 14 Replies latest jw experiences

Esmeralda001

Coucou,
I hope you are well?! I have a few questions that I'd like to adress (if you don't mind of course)
A.For the converts/ex-converts (more specifically those of you who have no family members in the organization):
1.What brought you in the Organization( were you a broken soul, were you looking for a higher purpose, were you curious? Did you receive a call from God? ...
2.What made you start questioning the organization (the social cliques? The members patronizing attitude? The gossip? Some false prophecies you came across? The internet?...)
3.When you got baptized, did the "friends" try to isolate you from your loved ones?
4.When you left, Did you have some friends/family that you could return to? Was it hard for you?
B.For the born-in's/raised-in1.has the idea of you leaving the org and becoming what the "friends" refer to as apostates ever crossed your mind?
2.when you saw wordly people getting converted, was it for you some kind of reassurance that you were in the right path or did you think they were crazy?
3.were you strong in your faith or were you looking for the next opportunity to leave the organization.
4.what type of jw were you(the zealous type? The Spiritually-weak type? The Moderate type?the Potential fader? The holier than tough type? The humble & well-meaning type?...)
thank you in advance!
The Hermit

B) I was a born-in. Never baptized. Had family inside and outside the so-called truth.
I couldn't imagine my future as a JW and I wanted to escape but couldn't find a way. I was under pressure to baptize at a young age (10 years old!), I think as a way to prove the rest of the congregation that our family could be as zealous, as spiritual and as strong in the truth as the cool families in the royal clique. But I bought some time saying to one elder ''I'll follow the example of Timothy and wait til I'm 15''. The magic answer. Luck was on my side because three years later my mother was having an affair with another brother in the cong, both were disfellowshipped, my parents divorced and I stayed with my father. My dad had faded from the truth a couple of years before and didn't care whether I was going to the meetings or not. It was rather easy to fade from that point on. I can still talk to all my family. My cousin is not so lucky.
2. Yes I thought they were crazy. I envied their freedom, and here they were giving it away to become slaves to the Org. So stupid. I felt for them, especially when I would see how sometimes they struggled to adopt the correct JW behavior and how the Bros and Sis in the cong would talk about them in a very condescending way when they had their back turned.
3. Not strong in the faith, no. But I had strong fears as a child. The fear of Armageddon, the fear of demons, the fear to be persecuted with the rest of the JWs during the Great Tribulation. They used to speak a lot of the persecuted JW in Nazi Germany in those years, damn it was scary. Concentration camps and guillotines and what have you. The fear of blood transfusions. I was brainwashed, but never had faith. I wanted to live with the worldly people even though I knew it meant dying at Armageddon. I just couldn't keep up with the JW standards and felt like I was worthless and weak... just because I liked rock music and cartoons like the Ninja Turtles, which I wasn't allowed to watch.
4. I guess you could say potential fader ;)
Divergent

B.For the born-in's/raised-in
1.has the idea of you leaving the org and becoming what the "friends" refer to as apostates ever crossed your mind?
Not until after I learned TTATT. I faded in less than a year
2.when you saw wordly people getting converted, was it for you some kind of reassurance that you were in the right path or did you think they were crazy?
I wanted to think of it as a reassurance, but at the same time couldn't ignore the elephant in the room - what about all those billions who are not "in the truth"? Don't tell me that all of them are not right hearted & that God does not see it fit to draw them in & they would be destroyed at Armageddon!!!

3.were you strong in your faith or were you looking for the next opportunity to leave the organization.
I was viewed as being strong, but I was far from strong on the inside. I didn't have a love or longing for spiritual activities. It was just the association & thinking that it was the truth that kept me in. I wasn't looking to leave until after I learned TTATT

4.what type of jw were you(the zealous type? The Spiritually-weak type? The Moderate type?the Potential fader? The holier than tough type? The humble & well-meaning type?...)
The moderate, humble & well-meaning, potential fader!
stuckinarut2

The only converts that "studied" or "came into the truth" were social misfits and people with "challenges" in life!
No normal people ever accepted the message
Ucantnome

B. For the born-in's/raised-in 1. has the idea of you leaving the org and becoming what the "friends" refer to as apostates ever crossed your mind?
I'm not sure I understand your question. I'm not an apostate.
2.What made you start questioning the organization (the social cliques? The members patronizing attitude? The gossip? Some false prophecies you came across? The internet?...)
When I was a child I had to read a portion of the bible as I was sharing the truth with a child I was at school with. In reading portion of the bible I felt, alarmed/shocked/surprised as I read it differently to what I had been taught. I looked in the Watchtower regarding the scriptures and saw how they had explained it and accepted it but I refrained from sharing any more truth with the child.
30 years later the Watchtower made a change and it was now how I had understood it as a child. It caused me to no longer be able to join them in preaching.
3.were you strong in your faith or were you looking for the next opportunity to leave the organization.
I still am strong in my faith. My position is a result of that.
4.what type of jw were you(the zealous type? The Spiritually-weak type? The Moderate type?the Potential fader? The holier than tough type? The humble & well-meaning type?...)
I think different people saw me as different types. It depends how well you knew me. The elders didn't know me. They do now.
punkofnice

1.What brought you in the Organization( were you a broken soul, were you looking for a higher purpose, were you curious? Did you receive a call from God? ...
I was a born in. I had no choice.
2.What made you start questioning the organization (the social cliques? The members patronizing attitude? The gossip? Some false prophecies you came across? The internet?...)
I became an elder and saw the dark side first hand. Then the 'overlapping generations(tm)' was the final straw.
3.When you got baptized, did the "friends" try to isolate you from your loved ones?
I was already isolated....I was born in.
4.When you left, Did you have some friends/family that you could return to? Was it hard for you?
I had 2 friends that were not JWs. It's still difficult as there was no one out of the cult that I was close to.
B.For the born-in's/raised-in1.has the idea of you leaving the org and becoming what the "friends" refer to as apostates ever crossed your mind?
Been there, done that got the T-shirt.
2.when you saw wordly people getting converted, was it for you some kind of reassurance that you were in the right path or did you think they were crazy?
I was indifferent to it.
3.were you strong in your faith or were you looking for the next opportunity to leave the organization.
I was very strong. I had doubts but surpressed them because I thought I was just sinful.
4.what type of jw were you(the zealous type? The Spiritually-weak type? The Moderate type?the Potential fader? The holier than tough type? The humble & well-meaning type?...)
thank you in advance!
I was humble and well meaning but still very zealous for the cult. The cult was my world...now it's gone because it was a lie.
OneEyedJoe

I was born-in
I first started questioning when I was ~13 and my first question was why it seemed that JWs were generally less intelligent than "worldly" people and shouldn't it be the smarter ones that are able to find the truth? Shouldn't it be concerning that we've made the same choice that people of clearly below average intelligence have made? Obviously that wasn't enough to push me out, but it was a start. Thinking about their cult-like behaviors (independent thinking and education discouraged, shunning, etc) made me think "that's a rule I'd implement if I were to start a cult." Then the failed generation teaching combined with some basic knowledge of the failures of 1914 and 1975 was what really set me into questioning that lead to find TTATT online.
Of course the fact that I am what a JW would call an apostate has crossed my mind.
All the ones that I saw getting converted had serious problems (mental illness, addiction, recent death of a spouse or divorce, etc). This just made me doubt more because I never saw anyone joining because the doctrine was well explained and they determined it to be the truth, they were joining because they had problems and needed support.
I was always pretty strong in my faith, in a way. I thought my faith was backed by firm evidence, so I guess I didn't consider it to be faith at all. I always wanted my beliefs to be in line with evidence, I just didn't know the evidence I'd received had been filtered and manipulated. It wasn't until I knew TTATT that I was looking for a way out. Up until that point, I was mostly looking for a way to silence my doubts so that I could stay a JW in good conscience.
As a kid I was the holier-than-thou type because I had a penchant for memorizing doctrine and explaining it. I could beat most adults at that game by the time I was a teenager. Through college I started to become more moderate (the more I learned in school the more I realized I didn't really know anything) and then after getting married and moving to a new congregation where I knew no one I became "spiritually weak" only getting the minimum in service and missing the occasional meeting. I'd started to see that JW stuff really didn't benefit me in any way and I had a lot of new responsibilities that I was better off attending to vs going to meetings or wasting my time walking up and down the street trying to recruit people into something I wasn't sure about myself.
KateWild

I was a convert and I converted at age 20. The JWs were very loving and kind and it's what drew me to the WT. But the love was not there in all JWs and this is what got me questioning. I was very zealous and did everything Jehovah wanted from me, but I still had suffering..........that's when I questioned if God really cares.
Leaving was stressful, but my kids also left.
Kate xx
Londo111

B.For the born-in's/raised-in1.has the idea of you leaving the org and becoming what the "friends" refer to as apostates ever crossed your mind?

I was born-in. Third generation JW on both sides of my family. According to the dictionary, an apostate is simply a person who leaves the religion they are in. When I found out the Watchtower was not The Truth, mentally I left, then eventually I stopped attending meetings. I attended another church for a while. So technically, I am an apostate.

As far as the picture Apostate Boogeyman that is painted by the Watchtower and haunts the minds of JWs, no, I am not that.

2.when you saw wordly people getting converted, was it for you some kind of reassurance that you were in the right path or did you think they were crazy?

When I was in, yes it was reassuring. I was happy because I believed it was the truth and they were getting on the path to life.

3.were you strong in your faith or were you looking for the next opportunity to leave the organization.

I was pretty strong. Of course, I had cycles were I was not as active, but I was always active in meetings and service and tried to play by all the rules. I was a ministerial servant for a couple stints in my life. I regular pioneered for a time. It was only when I realized it was not the truth, that I looked toward the door.

4.what type of jw were you(the zealous type? The Spiritually-weak type? The Moderate type?the Potential fader? The holier than tough type? The humble & well-meaning type?...)

I believe I was the humble and well-meaning type. And a moderate. In JW terms, when I became a low hour publisher eventually because going out in service was so anxiety inducing, in the Watchtower view, I was viewed as “spiritually weak”. But I was still active and doing my best.
Esmeralda001

Thanks you for your replies, guys
@ondtoejoe & @stuckinarut
you confirm what is now visible to the my newly open eyes: people who contemplate the idea of converting have some kind of limitation or are challanged by life. Converting into this religion is not the result of an healthy ego. Something must be wrong with me. I'll figure it out.

Enjoy your winter break, guys.

When you were in

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