How to Get a "Scriptural" Divorce!

by metatron 12 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  metatron

  Since many of you are curious about divorce, Witness-style, here goes:

  First, you maintain good relations with the 'good old boys" - er - I mean the elders. Tell 'em how awful

  and opposed to the "truth" your mate is.

  Get separated under angry circumstances, so your mate won't speak to you.

  After a suitable period of waiting ( and appearing to be "spiritual"), stop by your local bar and pick up someone

  to have sex with.

  After that, call your angry mate with news that you committed adultery in a manner that provokes hostility -

  after they slam down the phone, call your best buddy elder with an immediate tearful confession

  Then , tell the judicial committee ( again tearfully) that you tried to patch things up with your mate but

  she won't even speak to you.

  They counsel you, you tell them you "were momentarily overcome by sin" and will never do it again.

  Soon after, you are recognized as "scripturally free" because of your unforgiving mate.

  This procedure works in congregations of Jehovah's Witnesses all over the world. ( I've heard of it in other countries)

  The elders will usually buy into it , if you play it right. I once asked the guilty brother

  how he was "overcome" suddenly but remembered to use a condom. He replied that

  he always had them by the bed and used them habitually. He soon faded away

  after he got what he wanted. I still see him occasionally, he seems happier now.

  metatron
• 

  Gopher

  The elders will usually buy into it , if you play it right.

  So true -- if you're on their "good" side. But if you're not, then they'll find some way to make it "your fault".

  I once asked the guilty brother how he was "overcome" suddenly but remembered to use a condom. He replied that he always had them by the bed and used them habitually.

  Got give it to him!! That was quick thinking on his reply...! But still, this is a strange way to have to do things.

  So...it is MORE scriptural to treacherously plot a divorce and commit adultery, then to simply try to leave a mate on good terms?

  When you got lotsa rules, people will find away to swerve around them.
• 

  wednesday

  Met u are so rght. I once knew a sis who did this and so golden was she with the elders(one of them was hoping his wife who was very ill would die and then could go after her)She was so sympathized with, that the young man she committed adultry with was run out of the cong. She then married, and would have gotten a shower, had it not been for a few complaints.Her now xhubby, married in another cong. with blessings and no explantion to anyone. She came off so good on this, most everyone thought HE had committed adultry. Not even public reproof. Smelling like a rose.
• 

  Badger

  Met:

  Hit home again...

  My ex, though, begged me to commit adultery after she left...I should have, but really felt I was in the right. No one at the hall thought so. I had a great chance to fade then. Shoulda come here. Should, shoulda, shoulds. Now she's out, I look like the good guy to the hall. B!+c# even ruined my chance to fade right.
• 

  Sam Beli

  You are spot on Met; a former JW Pioneer taught me this technique up close and personal many years ago. I think she wrote the book on how to do this with skill and finesse.
• 

  willy_think

  Dam right, my Dad did it two times. It can be used over and over and over...150 days DFed and then you are back in with a new wife.
• 

  minimus

  We must be ASSUMING that this direction is going to be foolproof. 1st---one must be a VERY good actor/actress. 2nd---all the elders have to be pretty stupid. Without this combo---- it doesn't work......Minimus(not a stupid ex-elder).
• 

  metatron

  it ain't that difficult

  One of the elders on the committee was a by-the-book guy with tons of committee experience. He bought into it

  without any problem. The brother wasn't that great an actor, either.

  this isn't brain surgery ... just do the joe humble routine and you'll get by

  metatron
• 

  minimus

  I would have seen thru that, Met. That's been tried and hasn't worked.....Or maybe it has???
• 

  metatron

  Now, you and I both know it's mistake to underestimate the depth of Witness dumbth.

  The whole organization depends on it, everyday. It's kinda like the Monty Python skit about a

  entire apartment complex created by hypnosis.

  metatron