The "New Personality"

by iiz2cool 15 Replies latest jw friends

  • FlyingHighNow
    FlyingHighNow

    Izz,

    Good subject.

    When I became a JW I started on a downward journey into emotional hell. It was interrupted only by a couple of brief periods of happiness when my children were babies. The depression, anxiety, anger, moodswings and physical symptoms worsened over the years until I had what I call a nervous breakdown. I was unable to leave the house or do much else but sleep. I couldn't cook or clean or even shop for groceries. I would be in the middle of the grocery store and not be able to think or concentrate and have to leave, feeling overwhelmed.

    I remember thinking that Jesus said to take his yoke because it was light and the load the witnesses were putting on my little family was anything but light.

    Now I am slowly recovering. I have a much calmer temper. I am happier. I cope better, though I am not yet fully recovered in that area.

    Izz, I think the JWs wanted us to be uniform and not have individuality. I didn't like that at all. It made me very unhappy.

    LadyLee, I am going to copy your post and read it again. There is so much truth in what you said.

    I am closer to being normal and sane than I have ever been.

    Heather S. #2

  • Flowerpetal
    Flowerpetal

    When you are raised as a JW, your JW parent(s) are supposed to instill this in you as a child. So what is to put on? That is a question I have asked myself many times being a JW. Now that I am contemplating leaving by doing a slow fade, I find myself shedding a lot of attitudes. However, I have always considered non-JWs as decent people--never as the enemy. I don't have any close friends in the org. I have two close friends outside the org. and am getting close to making another close friend. Two of them are no longer JWs and one is married to a guy who was raised by JWs but never did anything about it.

    Lady Lee's comments are excellent because that is just what the org. wants you to feel and believe. Myself, I think humans are complicated beings and we need to get ahold of ourselves to keep from being tossed around "hither and thither" by many ideas and philosophies and choose one or two and live our lives by them. I hope that made sense!

  • Aztec
    Aztec

    I wanna hug ((((Bridget, Lady Lee, Talesin)))) and I am a bit more compassionate than I was but, I don't think my basic personality is much differant. I've always been a total bleeding heart nerd. I'm that chick who hugs all the homeless people cause I feel bad for them.I've actually become friends with a few of them that way.

    ~Aztec

  • Jourles
    Jourles

    Ditto Walter. During my phase as a hard-core jdub, I was always the easy going, get-along-with-everyone, type of dub. Once I started finding out the truth about the truth, I noticed my personality started to migrate towards anger and hatred. After a few years passed and I became more knowledgeable about the org, I drifted back into my very easy going manner and that's where I am still at today. I realize that if I cannot let go of my anger, it takes the fun out of life as I know it. Just playing the inactive part and not making any waves feels good to me. The times I do go to the meetings, I find that it is easy to tune it out and to think about other things like work, recreation, whatever. There are times when I do look forward to the meetings, especially when someone here says that apostates get an honorable mention in a part - then I'm wide awake!

    There are several families in our hall that invite us to do a lot of stuff - no theocratic strings attached. I must be in a very kick-ass congregation because I've had some folks tell me that they could only be so lucky to be in my shoes. If and when I am cut-off from any association with the "friends," then I may stop attending altogether. But for now, I might as well enjoy the friendships while they last. Hopefully, people in the hall will see me as a nice and outgoing person and will severely question what happened if I ever da myself or get df'd for my ideas.

  • FreeFallin
    FreeFallin

    My " new personality" was an uptight, nervous, judgemental fool. Always pretending to be something I wasn't. Always a charade because the new personality never "took," and feeling guilty as hell because it didn't.

    Now I'm still uptight and nervous, and occasionally still a fool, but at least I'm FREE to be myself.

    and it feels so good!!!

    FreeFallin

  • franklin J
    franklin J

    I know what you mean, having been raised as a JW, I did not know any better.

    I got out when I was 21-22, and do not know if it was normal growing up angst which made me miserable, or lack of sex.

    Being outside the religion suddenly made it possible to have all the needed sex without the hang ups....life improved immeasurably

    Frank

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