by ESTEE 20 Replies latest social family
Thanks SheilaM ... for your support!
The way I see it ... jws get supported all the time with a pat on the back from their elders and bruthas and sistas -- for their shunning efforts.
"Good job!"
"Your faithfulness will be rewarded!"
*Big smile*
Their reward will be great for shunning me!! Well done!! And they really believe it!!
ESTEE
I will always love you, though my love has changed.
Your son,
XXXXX
A fine example of brain-washing at its best - this is the party line. I wonder what his 'love' has changed into?
talesin wrote:
A fine example of brain-washing at its best - this is the party line. I wonder what his 'love' has changed into?
Brother Son seems to answer in his letter:
I have a scriptural obligation to provide for you
should you ever need assistance financially. You may contact me for such matters only
I've been told!
ESTEE
{{{estee}}}
I get the same crap from my parents 'we love you, but' . BUT??? BUT??? I'm not some ax-murderer or something. I'm just learning to accept that I can't change it. I often wonder what 'love' means to them now (????).
I'm really sorry you have to go through this.
xo
tal
When I was reaching out as an MS, I was talked to by an elder about the need to shun a close relative. When I informed her, she was so scared that she went back to the meetings, got reinstated, and then for the most part remained inactive anyway. She later told me that it was only fear that motivated her to return - the fear that I'd curtail my association with her.
I wasn't about to shun, but I did explain that I'd have to curtail association. I was doing it strictly to please the elders, so that I could be appointed. That's what happens - you can beome such a men-pleaser that you'll do almost anything to gain their approval, especially when you know that they have the authority to decide what "privilages" you may or may not have. You in effect become hostage to them and the "privilages".
Hi Estee...
It breaks my heart to read of someone elses family being torn apart by this mind controlling religion.
The letter that the son wrote breaks all boudaries of what a family is. the joy, the love caring and fellowship that families impart are a mirage in this religion.
As you said .. the son spoke as if in "rote". Automaton response. Cold, collected, business like and not much if any emotion.
It makes me so sad to read... but then when he wants her to call and he will send her money....Then I started to get angry.. sort of thinking.. "Why.. you little........
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I'm on the other side of the coin where the mom shuns the daughter..by telling me never to call anymore..that's 10 years ago. Her choice, lot of pain for me.. but her wishes. It's all just so painful any way you slice it..pain for her too.
I can't ever imagine any one of my sons, ever, ever, ever.. writing a letter to me saying anything like this.
I have brought them up and continue to bring them up.. far away from the tentacles of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society and very self aware of being sucked into something such as this...
I certainly like your letter of response .. telling and showing the openess of your mother's love. The qualities of love, forgiveness, mercy being shown to the son. They are there for the asking..leaves the door open..as most mothers often do.
sincerely
Special K
Estee,
I am very sorry for the pain of this unnatural separation from your children, and I hope ,as you said, that good values and instructions you gave your kids will help them see the real truth.
You are very strong and courageous woman to be able to take control of your life away from the wt, and to have strenght to share your experience for the benefit of others.
thank you.
Invictus
This bit made me want to puke
I am mindful, though, that I have a scriptural obligation to provide for you
should you ever need assistance financially. You may contact me for such matters only
lets hope that Momma would tell him where to stick his Pharasaical assistance!!
I do know , however, that it does not always turn out of this. I have attended two weddings in recent years where one of their parents was d/fd - one parent attended and was a part of things at the ceremony. The other did not attend but I know that he had no contact for many years . Despite that recent KM article, there is still a variance in attitudes toward d/fd family. A friend of ours within the Borg has a d/f'd daughter but maintains a relationship . I wonder if the elders know? I knew when I was her group leader but "Blind eyed" the situation
talesin wrote:
I'm not some ax-murderer or something. I'm just learning to accept that I can't change it. I often wonder what 'love' means to them now (????).
Interesting how they can just re-define their love at the drop of a hat, or a change of circumstance. Change the rules!!
rocketman wrote:
When I was reaching out as an MS, I was talked to by an elder about the need to shun a close relative. ? she was so scared that she went back to the meetings, got reinstated, and then for the most part remained inactive anyway.
Sooooo saaaad ? what a religion based on fear will do. What a way to accomplish their goals, using fear, threats and intimidation!!! Why can?t people see how truly sick that is!! Some day people will want to stand up and say, ?Enough!?
I did explain that I'd have to curtail association. I was doing it strictly to please the elders, so that I could be appointed. That's what happens - you can beome such a men-pleaser that you'll do almost anything to gain their approval, especially when you know that they have the authority to decide what "privilages" you may or may not have. You in effect become hostage to them and the "privilages".
This truly makes me feel sick to my stomach, to think about a person?s motives for acting a certain way. It is nothing about what is in the heart ? it is all about appearances! Hypocrites! What makes them think they are any better than the Pharisees!!!
special k wrote:
It breaks my heart to read of someone elses family being torn apart by this mind controlling religion.
Probably a lot more than we realize. Only lots of shunned ones just put up with the abuse, thinking it is a behaviour that they brought on themselves ? it is deserved ?
Bullsh*t!!!
Everyone is shocked by the silent lambs who have endured often years of sexual abuse and cover-up and internal corruption. Silent Lambs have their own websites and healing networks. Yet, shunned ones are enduring on-going shunning ? on-going persecution -- even by other ApostateTM members. Hard to get past one page of a thread, in fact. Very discouraging at times. I?m not saying that sexual abuse is in the same category as shunning ?However ? Familial ties that have been severed due to religious persecution ? where does one file that comfortably????
And where am I supposed to ?file? my feelings? Where am I supposed to "file" my broken heart?
The letter that the son wrote breaks all boundaries of what a family is. the joy, the love caring and fellowship that families impart are a mirage in this religion. As you said .. the son spoke as if in "rote". Automaton response. Cold, collected, business like and not much if any emotion.
Yes? the ?scriptural obligation? ? the ?duty? ?there is no natural affection or love. Depending on how much he is trying to impress an elder or two, he will let his elders know that he has notified his mom that he is still going to follow through on his duty to ?support financially? his sinful mom ? even though it is ?Not DeservedTM?? I suppose ...
ob?li?ga?tion
Pronunciation: "รค-bl&-'gA-sh&n Function: noun Date: 14th century
1 : the action of obligating oneself to a course of action (as by a promise or vow)
2 a : something (as a formal contract, a promise, or the demands of conscience or custom) that obligates one to a course of action b : a debt security (as a mortgage or corporate bond) c : a commitment (as by a government) to pay a particular sum of money; also : an amount owed under such an obligation <unable to meet its obligations, the company went into bankruptcy>
3 a : a condition or feeling of being obligated b : a debt of gratitude
4 : something one is bound to do : DUTY, RESPONSIBILITY
It makes me so sad to read... but then when he wants her to call and he will send her money....Then I started to get angry.. sort of thinking.. "Why.. you little........
Interesting that their scriptural obligation causes them to feel guilty enough to give money.When I left the j-dubs, I shed my guilt.
They stay ? they keep their guilt, feeling pressure and obligation to provide money, if I ask for it. Hmmmm?Nah, I?m not like that ?
I'm on the other side of the coin where the mom shuns the daughter..by telling me never to call anymore..that's 10 years ago. Her choice, lot of pain for me.. but her wishes. It's all just so painful any way you slice it..pain for her too.
I?m so sorry to hear about you being shunned by your mom.
My mom was a j-dub. She has been dead for four years. (two weeks after she died, I was disfellowshipped) Hard to say what would have happened if she was still alive. I'd like to think she would not have shunned me. Don't know for sure, though...
Maybe we need to start a website for support ? or something.
I?m thinking about this ?
I can't ever imagine any one of my sons, ever, ever, ever.. writing a letter to me saying anything like this.
Yeah, same here. With my son, he just ignores me ?the cold hard shunning.
Interesting that they think they are being the persecuted ones!!! Then of course, if they feel they are someone?s victim, then it turns around ... that they actually become the persecutors. It is a little ?Triangle? I learned about in therapy ? where the victim turns around and becomes the persecutor?
The only way not to become a persecutor -- after being a victim -- is to break the cycle of abuse. That is why I want to make sure to work through these issues, so that the cycle of abuse gets broken. Since therapy is frowned on by j-dubs, it is up to me to break the pattern, I figure. It is not too much to do -- for my kids.
I have brought them up and continue to bring them up.. far away from the tentacles of the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society and very self aware of being sucked into something such as this... I certainly like your letter of response .. telling and showing the openess of your mother's love. The qualities of love, forgiveness, mercy being shown to the son. They are there for the asking..leaves the door open..as most mothers often do.
I appreciate your support, special k. Thanks!
invictus wrote:
You are very strong and courageous woman to be able to take control of your life away from the wt, and to have strenght to share your experience for the benefit of others.
Thanks, invictus ... Some times I feel stronger than other times. Some days I really could use a hug -- and a shoulder to cry on. Sometimes it feels very unfair. It is inconceivable to me that this group could declare that their mistreatment of us shunned ones is god-ordained.
BluesBrother wrote:
This bit made me want to puke
where son wrote: "I am mindful, though, that I have a scriptural obligation to provide for you
should you ever need assistance financially. You may contact me for such matters only"
lets hope that Momma would tell him where to stick his Pharasaical assistance!!
Thanks, yes, BluesBrother. I have a lot closer people to turn to for help ? if help ever became necessary. The jws are the poorest excuse for a charity imaginable!! Them and their obligationTM!!!
I do know , however, that it does not always turn out of this. I have attended two weddings in recent years where one of their parents was d/fd - one parent attended and was a part of things at the ceremony. The other did not attend but I know that he had no contact for many years . Despite that recent KM article, there is still a variance in attitudes toward d/fd family. A friend of ours within the Borg has a d/f'd daughter but maintains a relationship . I wonder if the elders know? I knew when I was her group leader but "Blind eyed" the situation
Yes, it seems to me that people in shunning situations ?act out? their already existing negative emotions. With the case of my son in real life -- this letter was not written by him -- only someone like him. My real son has soooo much ?divorce anger? that has not been dealt with or healed, that he is not able to approach me. He moved to Flin Flon, Manitoba without telling me where he moved to. The only way I found out was through an ex-sister-in-law who I am still friends with. Even my ex is not angry with me any more for the divorce. Yet our son is. (???) *Shakes head* Some things I will never understand in this lifetime ?
Anyway, I find that if I keep looking at my emotions and trying to handle the stuff I struggle with ? it helps me to reach a new plateau in my healing and in my understanding of this sick dynamic of shunning.
I really appreciate having input from my JWD friends. Just to bounce stuff back and forth. This is my therapy. It feels healthy.
Just so you all know ? I really appreciate your support and your shoulder of comfort through the bad stuff.
(((((You are all sooooo beloved!)))))
ESTEE
I decided to post the "JW son's letter" on Oprah ... also my reply ...
I had no idea how this letter would impact me ... A reality check I suppose...
I am in shock...
ESTEE
