Thank you for that powerful post, Yesidid.
Escaping Communists, Nazis and WTS, the differences.
by yesidid 15 Replies latest jw friends
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JeffT
What a remarkable comparison. Totalitarian regimes are good at making examples to keep everybody in fear. How many times have we seen a former friend, now DF'd slink into the hall and sit alone at the back? It is nothing but intimidation to the rest of the group.
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blondie
but we would be grateful if they just allowed us to fade with dignity.
Well, yesidid, it depends on why they won't let you fade with dignity.
Now if they care about you truly and don't understand....
If they have tried to control your lives using the WTS as a weapon, that is another situation....
If it is the first, then it will just take a little time and maybe a little distance, setting your boundaries.
If it is the second, then it will just take a little time and maybe a little distance, setting your boundaries.
A little distance can be literal, moving to another congregation's territory, or a town nearby within commuting distance, getting caller ID and choosing when you talk to JWs calling. It can be figurative in that you don't let them get involved in your personal life unless you invite them in. It might mean not talking about your personal life with them so they won't make comments about how it is not "theocratic." Setting boundaries,
A boundary is a dividing line between you and anyone else, even a loved one. The line represents both physical and emotional limits others may not violate.
A boundary, when crossed by others, will create intense feelings of anger, hurt, outrage, etc. To set your boundaries is to stop anyone, even your most loved one, from crossing the line with you.Setting boundaries is not disrespectful, bad or wrong. In fact, boundaries make you feel safe in your environment and actually prevent you from being hurt. Personal boundaries are healthy, good for you. Setting boundaries raises your sense of self-worth, your self-esteem, because you are sending yourself the message that you are worthy of care.
Moreover, setting boundaries makes others feel safe around you. Boundaries let people know what you want and don't want. And more importantly, boundaries let people know what your limits are. This gives your loved ones the security of knowing your relationship guidelines, eliminating their fears about how they should behave with you. When you set boundaries, people in your life know exactly what they cannot do around you.(by Rinatta Paries)
Blondie
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yesidid
Yes Jeff T : There is no doubt it is intimidation by example. ?See what we will do to you if you don?t tow the line?.
Thank you Blondie :
Our family at least my husband?s family is in the first category. They care for us but don?t understand. In fact I know they love us very much, as we love them. The problem is they are very loyal, they think it is to God but of course we know it is really the organization. But we understand, we were the same just 12 months ago.
Thank you also for the information on boundaries, very well put.
We have some of the books by Cloud-Townsend in the Boundary series. Wonderful books but I had not really thought about applying that in this situation.
Thank you for the reminder.
BTW have you read any of their books. I found one particularly helpful, ?Changes that Heal?. They also have some helpful articles on their website. They are two Christian ministers and they seem very sincere.
I appreciate your kind suggestions
yesidid
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blondie
BTW have you read any of their books. I found one particularly helpful, ?Changes that Heal?.
No, I haven't read them yet....But I will check it out. Growing up in an emotionally, physically, sexually, and spiritually abusive family, I have learned the need to set boundaries to protect myself. Thanks for the tip, yesidid.
Blondie
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yesidid
Blondie, I just checked and the articles page is not easy to find.
Here is the url http://cloudtownsend.com/Articles/prev_articles.htm