Have You Talked To Your Children? You Should!

by shamus 12 Replies latest jw friends

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  shamus

  Have you had the "talk" with your children in regard to strangers and getting rides, looking for "lost" puppies, etc.? I highly encourage you to do so. There are many child abductions per year, and sometimes it is someone that is a family friend! I hope that you have... if not, please do it today or tonight. Remember to give them scenarios... and what to do. Also, follow up with them... make sure that they totally understand!

  One area that my neices and nephews and I are very open about is not touching ones private parts, too. THIS IS CRUCIAL! Most child molesters are family or friends... that means someone that you know and trust! Remember to tell them that nobody is to ever touch they're privates for any reason unless they're hurt, they go to the doctor, etc. And if it does happen, they should tell they're parents right away!

  I just think about these people who do these things to kids and it makes me sick! Parents, please be on guard.. talk about it openly and often. I have discussed this openly with my sister and parents right in the room with them. Also, how there is no such thing as "secrets". Most importantly, there is no such thing as "accidents", either!

  When your child is old enough to wash him/herself, you should talk to them about this. Even if they do not fully understand, keep going at it. Sexual abuse scarrs for life, as so many of you people know. It can ruin entire lives, and it is important that every one of your kids knows the boundaries well, and what to do if something goes wrong.
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  Simon

  Good advice.
  

  I've started mentioning things to our eldest. Obviously, you don't want to overload them or scare them ... just let them know things that should and shouldn't happen and what they should and shouldn't do (as in 'wise things not to do', not wagging the finger at them)

  Unfortunately, as you say, most abuse is by a friend or family member.

  Society is in fear of 'the stranger' but most of the time the danger is closer to home. The number of attacks by total strangers is a lot less sadly and this is harder to warn about and protect.

  This is probably what made the WTS so bad - all those extended 'friends and family' that you don't really know other than seeing them at the same hall for 5 hours every week.
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  think41self

  It is good advice to talk to them about it...keep it in line with their age. And you should try NOT to scare them. Unfortunately, statistics show that talking to them will not really change anything should an abuser approach them. There is simply NO way to warn a childs mind against the machinations of an adult mind. The best you can hope to accomplish is to have paved the way to discussing difficult things with your child, so that they may feel more comfortable opening up to you.

  Now, that's not to say there's nothing you can do. There is simply NO SUBSTITUTE for keeping an eye on your child pretty much at all times. Be on guard WHEREVER you go! If you're visiting relatives, and all the adults are in the kitchen and your kids are off somewhere playing with all the other kids...GO LOOK IN ON THEM. Make sure they're not off in a locked bedroom or out behind the barn or whatever.

  If you have a relative or friend who seems especially close to your child (no I'm not encouraging paranoia here) keep an eye on them. If an adult EVER seems to show undue interest in a child, especially wanting them to spend the night...ask yourself why?

  When your children get older and want to spend the night at a friends house...be VERY careful. Remember, the younger your child is, the easier a target they are. I wouldn't let my kids spend the night with anyone until they were 10 or older. I WOULD let them invite friends over to our house instead. Trust me, the other parents don't mind if you're the one doing all the work! But don't forget...you have to be on guard against other children who may have been molested practicing whay they've learned on your child. So again...have them sleep out in the family room...and then GET UP in the night and check on them! There is just no sustitute for a diligent, caring parent.

  To my knowledge, I managed to get both of my boys past their childhood without being molested, which in my family is practically a miracle! But the cycle is broken.

  Take care of those precious babies, and don't ever let your guard down until they're older.

  Tracy
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  gumby

  Wanna know what the hard part is? Telling them in a way that they do not grow up too sensative. I remember when we had a talk with our girl when she was young. A day or two later we were eating out and she got up to get some napkins and a man was walking towards her and she starting crying and running to us. She was a bit extreem yes, but some kids need to be told...."just right" or they get too sensative.

  Gumby
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  shamus

  The thing to remember here is to always refer to their parts as "private". That way, they know that you are speaking of places that are theres and there's alone. You need not tell them anymore than that when they're young...

  Just tell them that nobody is to touch you there, and give some examples. It's very easy... don't tell them that ppl are out there wanting to "molest" them, or give them horror stories! Just be open and frank with them is all. My nephew knew at age 6 what a good touch and bad touch were. Big time kudos to his mother! And it was VERY OPEN with everyone... there were no grey areas. To him they were rules...

  I think that if a child knows that, that's good enough. If something happens, he/she will tell you! Just put it in they're mind early!

  I have been quite close to my nephew. His father was kinda outta the picture... and he needed a "male figure". He got along with me quite well, and, of course, there was never any question that I was doing anything... of course, I always talked openly and in front of his mother about "secrets" and how there were to be none between his family! That is how a molester does it... they say it will be a secret. That is the number two thing that needs to be said to your child.... there are no such things as secrets between you two. And, also, you need to be open so that the person can come to you and not feel frightened.

  I hope that all of you really take note of this. I am sure that many have had this talk with them... I just think that if one more person can go through life without having to deal with this, the better.
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  Country Girl

  It's always good to empower one's children to thwart abuse or abduction. Stress a pro-active approach. There's also a few hints that can help (from ESCAPESCHOOL.COM):

  Never say they are home alone when answering the phone. Teach your child to take a message and say their parents will phone back.

• Never answer the door. Whether home alone or with another adult, a young child is no match for someone trying to gain entry into the home or abduct the child from the entryway.
• Never invite anyone into the house without the permission of a parent or other responsible party within the home, like a babysitter.
• Never go into other people's houses without letting parent?s know where they are.
• Never get into anyone's car without a parent?s permission.
• Never take gifts or food from strangers or anyone else without asking a parent first.
• Never play in deserted buildings or isolated areas.
• Move away from a car that pulls up beside them if they do not know the driver. Run in the opposite direction the car is driving. Remember, get away?right away.
• Say 'no' to anyone that wants them to do something you've taught them is wrong. Give your children permission to break the rules if they feel their safety is at risk.
• Tell you, school authorities or a police officer about anyone who threatens them.
• Never to keep secrets from you. Teach them to tell you if someone has asked them to keep a secret from you.
• Go to the nearest cashier if lost or separated from you in a store or mall.
• Know how to dial 911 and explain their emergency. If using a pay phone under pursuit or if detained in a strangers home?DO NOT HANG UP THE PHONE. Police can use the phone to track the child.
• Never to hide from parents in a store.
• Scream and kick if someone grabs them and tries to take them forcefully. Teach them to yell, ?Help, this is not my Dad/Mom!?
• CG