by Tatiana 19 Replies latest social humour
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. Huh?
Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants. I wonder who "wore the pants" in his family??
Women blink nearly twice as much as men. When you blink, you are actually processing thoughts.
Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age. How do they crawl so fast?
How do you guys come up with this hilarious stuff?
Too much time on your hands maybe?
Just BS ing you.
It's fun fun fun which I can really use rightnow.
jayhawk...
The longest word in the English language is 1909 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA.
Which word is that?
They neglected to tell me that (dumb bastards)....want me to look it up for you???
The technical term for "Tobacco Mosaic Virus, Dahlemense Strain" is the current official longest word: I will definitely NEVER smoke!!!!!
Another word, a scientific name for tryptophan synthetase, which is made up of 267 amino acids, has appeared written down a number of times and has 1,909 letters. According to the Guinness Book of World Records, 18th edition, it is the longest chemical word for C 1289 H 2051 N 343 O 375 S 8 :
Now if someone can just tell me how to pronounce these two words, I'll be ready to be a contestant on Jeopardy. (yeah, right!!!)
* 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321 - nothing from nothing leaves nothing.
* The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night. - Without consuming a sufficient quantity of spiders, humans would not be able to weave webs of deceit.
* "I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language. - This proves once again that Jehovah and/or Moses was not an honor student in English.
* A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair. - Pour Prell conditioner on a rhino, and it will grow soft, flowing, luxurious hair (and promptly be eaten by lions).
* The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes. - The silliest war in history was between Zanzibar and Liechtenstein. Both sides surrendered to each other before the war even started.
* A polar bear's skin is black. Its fur is not white, but actually clear. - Despite the strong protests of Greenpeace, polar bear fur is currently being used by Sprint for their fiber optic long-distance networks.
* Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants. - Finland later banned the Peanuts comic strip because Snoopy doesn't wear anything.
* More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes. - This proves how many jackasses there really are.
* Shakespeare invented the word "assassination" and "bump." - In Shakespeare's day, those words had different meaning. "Assassination" meant "two asses in the country". "Bump" meant "what two asses in the country do when they are horny."
* If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white. - Science has disproven this myth. In actuality, if you keep a goldfish in a dark room long enough, it will learn how to develop pictures.
* Women blink nearly twice as much as men. - This is because men keep putting things in women's eyes.
* The word "lethologica" describes the state of not being able to remember the word you want. - The word "pathologica" means wanting to kill the person who made you forget the word you want.
* If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction. - But the dim sum would be great!
* The word racecar and kayak are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left. - Both the racecar and kayak were entered in the first Indianaopolis 500. The racecar won.
* China has more English speakers than the United States. - If that company in England that manufactures loud speakers would stop importing so many of the damned things into China, this would no longer be the case.
* The electric chair was invented by a dentist. - The dental drill was invented by an executioner.
* Did you know you share your birthday with at least 9 other million people in the world. - Yes, and this year we're going to have one hell of a party!
* The longest word in the English language is 1909 letters long and it refers to a distinct part of DNA. - Pronunciation of the word is illegal in 37 states.
* Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, dogs only have about ten. - Cats have been known to form beautiful choirs, while dogs can merely perform in barbershop quartets.
* Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. - Other parts of the male anatomy shrink with age.
* Feb 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon. - The moon took a vacation that month, only to return and find that the tides had gone nuts.
* Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors. - Leonardo Da Vinci's wife invented the cardboard cut-out.
* Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age. - Babies are also born without teeth so they don't gnaw on their kneecaps.
* Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously. - So is Comet cleanser, but I don't see anyone sprinkling that over the chicken!
* Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older. - This disproves the theory that millions now living will never die.
My two sons and I are laughing so hard, SFJ. They loved the "dentist" one. Actually I am laughing the hardest. They are looking at me like I'm insane! lololol
All the planets in our solar system rotate counter-clockwise, except Venus. It is the only planet that rotates clockwise. - Venus is currently on public reproof.
And I thought it was because women are from Venus and men are from Mars.
Good one, Gretchen...
SFJ...I hope you didn't think I was finished. I emailed this thread to someone who wasn't feeling very good today, and it made them happy for a little while. Sometimes we need a little laughter in this crazy world.
More facts that could save the world....
Left-handed people are 20 percent more likely to sample a forkful of food from the plates of fellow diners than are right-handed people. Left-handed people are more likely to be stabbed with a fork for sampling food from fellow diners.
A "duffer" is Australian slang for a cattle thief. A "duffle" is what they put the cow's head in.
The first commercial passenger airplane began flying in 1914. The first commercial passenger airplane with a bathroom began flying in 1919. It took them 5 years to figure THAT out????
The San Blas Indian women of Panama consider giant noses a mark of great beauty. They paint black lines down the center of their noses to make them appear longer. See? That's all Britney had to do. To hell with the implants!
The penculine titmouse of Africa builds its home in such a sturdy manner that Masai tribesman use their nests for purses and carrying cases. Notice it's tribesMEN???? They are secure in their manhood.
Forty percent of child psychologists advise parents of preschoolers to ?confirm Santa?s existence.? Even EVIL SANTA????
The sound a camel makes is called "nuzzing". This is after he puts out your eye with the "spizzelmynizzel."
A normal cow's stomach has four compartments: the rumen, the recticulum (storage area), the omasum (where water is absorbed), and the abomasum ( the only compartment with digestive juices). Try to staple THAT!
Isaac Newton dropped out of school when he was a teenager, at his mother's request. She hoped he would become a successful farmer.
Strange creatures, jellyfish are comprised mostly of water ? more than 95 percent ? and have no brain, heart, or bones, and no actual eyes.
The garfish has green bones. WTF is a garfish?
The depression made in the snow by a skier who has fallen backward is called a "sitzmark." That makes sense.....or if the said skier has fallen backward over a cliff....a "shitzmark."
* Left-handed people are 20 percent more likely to sample a forkful of food from the plates of fellow diners than are right-handed people. - This is because right-handed people are genetically superior at backslapping food thieves.
* A "duffer" is Australian slang for a cattle thief. - A "fluffer" is American slang for a beef exciter.
* The first commercial passenger airplane began flying in 1914. The first commercial passenger airplane with a bathroom began flying in 1919. - They are both extremely tired and are now asking permission to land.
* The San Blas Indian women of Panama consider giant noses a mark of great beauty. They paint black lines down the center of their noses to make them appear longer. - The San Blas Indian men, on the other hand, paint black lines down the center of something else to make it look longer. It does not work -- the San Blas Indian women still laugh at them!
* The penculine titmouse of Africa builds its home in such a sturdy manner that Masai tribesman use their nests for purses and carrying cases. - The penculine titmouse, enraged by the theft of their nests, have begun using the hair of Masai tribesmen in which to lay their eggs.
* Forty percent of child psychologists advise parents of preschoolers to ?confirm Santa?s existence.? - Sixty percent of child psychologists claim that they are Santa Claus!
* The sound a camel makes is called "nuzzing". - The smell a camel makes is called "revolting".
* A normal cow's stomach has four compartments: the rumen, the recticulum (storage area), the omasum (where water is absorbed), and the abomasum ( the only compartment with digestive juices). - Occasionally, a cow will be born with a fifth compartment in its stomach called a chocolatium. This is where chocolate milk comes from.
* Isaac Newton dropped out of school when he was a teenager, at his mother's request. She hoped he would become a successful farmer. - Newton actually was a successful farmer, raising figs and apples.
* Strange creatures, jellyfish are comprised mostly of water ? more than 95 percent ? and have no brain, heart, or bones, and no actual eyes. - This is why dehydrated jellyfish are so popular as pets - the instructions read "Just add water".
* The garfish has green bones. - If the garfish would dry itself in the sun occasionally, it wouldn't become so mildewy.
* The depression made in the snow by a skier who has fallen backward is called a "sitzmark." - The depression a skier makes in a tree is called a "Sonny Bono". (sorry!)
The depression made in the snow by a skier who has fallen backward is called a "sitzmark." - The depression a skier makes in a tree is called a "Sonny Bono". (sorry!)
SFJ....you are so bad.
