Holding a grudge

by LongHairGal 57 Replies latest jw experiences

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  FedUpJW

  So, apparently, Jehovah’s Witnesses feel they should be forgiven for ANYTHING

  Yes, they do. But ONLY if it is someone else who has offended or hurt YOU. Then YOU must forgive them and never hold it against them. On the other hand if it is you who offended or hurt someone (no matter how unintentionally) you then must do everything in your power to grovel, kiss their ass, and do whatever they demand of you to prove that you are not worthy and that for the rest of your life YOU are the one who bears the burden of the "wrong" and they will never let you or anyone else forget what a terrible person they think you are.

  Remember, JW's are just like an abusive husband who blames his wife for the beating he just gave her.
  
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  LongHairGal

  FEDUP JW:

  I know what you mean as I saw that hypocrisy and certain people there who thought they were ‘special’, etc. This mostly pertained to hurt feelings I think.

  But, in my case, them intruding themselves into people’s lives by telling them what kind of employment they should pursue, goes beyond hurt feelings. It is people’s livelihood. If I were fool enough to have listened I might be destitute now. Would they help or support me? No.

  So, in answering my ex-friend, I explained that the answer would be No if they came up to me asking for $. This is a direct consequence of the religion/members’ attitudes towards me and other responsible people who worked. This attitude is in the ‘culture’ there.

  The Witnesses imagine the laws of ‘cause and effect’ do not apply to them. Well, I have news for them… They also believe in urban legends and false stories. There is, unfortunately, an air of make believe and unaccountability that runs through the whole religion. This is just one of the many reasons I’m Glad to be Out of there.. I would run from them now.
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  LauraLynn

  LongHairGal,

  Hi, again. I was wondering if you ever considered that your supposed "grudge" is just common sense--why give to an organization that teaches you shouldn't work or person who refuses to work? I think that your answer to your friend was smart and it put up boundaries for you as a protection. I am thinking the "friend" was trying to make you feel guilty for standing up for yourself. What is sad is that your friend's reaction was immediately defending the organization without any empathy toward you. Please don't believe her accusation--JWs are so programmed to respond like this!

  I was also encouraged to pioneer instead of work, as I was graduating from high school and they saw a soft target. A district overseer's wife saw the opportunity and took me under her wing (so I thought). This was around 1982. She was a full-time pioneer, and started a bible study with me (probably because it counted toward her pioneering hours!). I grew very fond of her and looked up to her like an older sister in many ways. About a year later she cut me off, saying that her husband noted that I took up too much of her time at the KH and she wasn't able to "mingle" as an overseer's wife should. I was only 17 and I was heartbroken. But it was one of the things that led me to leave the organization, so even though it was painful, it eventually led to something good--to freedom from their cult.

  It sounds like your friend could have disappointed you very much, too? As far as forgiving their organization/religion, I tend to agree--they are teaching a false gospel, and as such God will judge them severely for leading people astray from a simple childlike faith in Jesus. The Bible actually calls false teachers accursed!

  You were also following your good instincts when you did not give up your job. I have experienced being shunned as well, albeit for different reasons. It really stinks to high heaven when you are going through it. In my case, I came to the conclusion that if these people are what God is like, I want nothing to do with God. Did you ever feel that way? The JWs leave such a bad impression on religion in general that I threw the baby out with the bathwater, so to speak.
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  LV101

  Longy - you must be on a constant high knowing you stuck to your guns and bailed that evil cult. It would take 100 yrs for them to act loving/accepting of non-JWs no matter what their MO is this month.

  I was shunned but too busy with my own life to cave to their demands. My life - I smiled and did the opposite of everything the hard-liner 'conductor' demanded. Our basketball team was hot during my cult-time (5 college teammates going pro and the town was on fire w/b-ball fever and I don't even get too involved with anything that bounces!) 'association' and I was too busy jetting around to the various games w/husband/friends and if games were local I attended instead of meetings - priorities! Assumed there'd be plenty of meetings after the season. I missed a memorial when out of town and the hardliner went ballistic. I did everything wrong -- yeah!!

  I always appreciated the scripture re/being loaded down/come to Jesus (something like that -- not judgmental, lazy, non-working, begging, WT/people!) -- that did it for me. Actually, lots of eye openers and I was so happy to avoid all of it.

  Celebrate your retirement/freedom from WT daily!
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  LongHairGal

  LAURA LYNN & LV101:

  Thanks.

  In addition to those robots having ‘no empathy’, everybody IGNORED the glaring hypocrisy that those who urged ME and other young people to pursue poverty were themselves living a cushy life! ..The attitude I picked up on was that MY life/welfare/future ‘did not matter’.. Was it because I was young and female? I think so.. Possibly one reason (besides pioneering) was those hypocrites imagined they would have smiling servant girls around to make everybody feel good.👎

  Thank God for my non-JW upbringing. When I looked around the hall, I observed ALL the older people were collecting pensions (because of having been in the workforce) or they had a business!!! No poverty or sacrifice for them! .. But, yet they had NO problem telling ME and others to pursue poverty. Anybody who listened has a problem today.

  Now that I’m retired and older, I see that just about all those older busybodies (elders and others) with cushy lives, etc. are mostly gone!!!.. Meanwhile, myself and others who got criticized for looking out for our own welfare are left feeling like we dodged a bullet, so to speak.. As for those younger pioneers back then who scoffed at me and got invited to special dinners (their reward) .. they can go ask somebody ELSE for money!
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  LV101

  Thank all the gods/stars for your upbringing and common sense. You had a career they could only dream about and most only accept ones on the same level - thus all the haranguing. Those oldies with comfy lives were clueless how the disadvantaged live. It is quite an attraction for irresponsible misfits who do not want to work and be slugs - I couldn't believe.
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  LongHairGal

  LV101:

  Today I can say it was worth every penny to be shunned back then. And by who?? Most of those judgy Witnesses are now elderly OR have passed away!!..The lazy slugs you mention better go ask their spiritual friends for money.

  It really puts things in perspective when you think of the big picture. Although I regret I never got the chance to tell off a few.

  So, the next best thing I do when I encounter older JWs anywhere and they ask how I am, I make it a point to tell them I’m well and GLAD I never listened back then.

  It may be petty but the way I figure it - a good portion of the Witnesses over the years were either in a car group or at a gathering (to which I was not invited) and I’m sure I was gossiped about relentlessly! ..SO, I make sure they hear that I am super glad I did the wise thing keeping my job - especially after the change at the 2023 annual meeting about no longer counting time!

  The response I get ranges from JWs who admit I did the smart thing - to some who resent me. Maybe it’s a ‘misery loves company’ thing or they don’t like the assumed criticism of the religion’s faulty teachings.
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  LV101

  Longy -- I think it's great you let them know how good you're doing. I'm sure some have a lot to think about after bumping into you.

  Halls are big cliques plus it's much harder for single women and those with unbelieving mates. I heard more than one JW wife w/believing mate make derogatory comments about single JW women -- unreal. I'm sure they're more than happy to omit inviting them especially ones with lucrative careers - not like there's many in that category.🤣
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  LongHairGal

  LV101:

  It’s true what you say that Kingdom Halls were big cliques! I even felt that they had a bias against people not born-in - and that was on top of everything else!

  Besides my job, I was criticized over clothing and had to hide my figure more. So, I was on the sh#t list early on.. I should have taken this as a warning and gotten the hell out early on - but I made a few friends and was optimistic!

  So, I dressed more ‘modestly’ 🙄. But, I would not quit that job - so I was on the fringes of the congregation. There were some in the hall who I sensed had an ‘aversion’ to me but I paid no mind.

  I suppose I would have had a lot of hurt feelings but being raised outside and having a ‘normal’ childhood (and working) gave me a thick skin. I suppose I wasn’t ‘seeking’ approval of other people since I already had self-esteem and knew who I was - something born-ins maybe did not have.

  I suppose this is the benefit of a non-Witness upbringing and I’ve got to tell you it is priceless. After the 1995 Generation thing and me doing research (at work on my computer), I discovered TTATT and the mountain of information about the JW religion. I reconnected with old friends and relatives before it was too late. Priceless. I was able to deconstruct the silly teachings in my mind and I planned the day I would start my ‘Fade’.

  I love telling my story on the Forum because the JWs are a secretive and hypocritical religion and expect somebody to go away quietly. I refused because the world and all the newbies who lurk here deserve to hear what goes on there!!!
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  Beth Sarim

  Retirement.

  Something the Borg never prepares people for .

  Do you ever hear the Borg telling people how to invest your savings in RRSPS or 401k or something?

  No.

  Its always stay poor & knocking education

  Meanwhile the gb or whoever sit there in posh ivory towers.

  Kudos to those who stick by their guns,, pursue education & prepare for retirement accordingly.