How My Experience As An Elder Affects Me And You

minimus

I've noticed a positive trend going on here lately. Ex-elders, ex-Bethelites, ex-servants and ex-pioneers are being less attacked. There was a time that all one had to say was that they were an elder while active Witnesses, and the result was a verbal stoning. Real vehemence spewed forth from some. Less of that is apparent and more understanding and healing is occuring. The result of that (for me) is that I am much more comfortable in expressing myself, my opinions and my past and present experiences. Ex-whatevers can give the board an outlook that others may never get to appreciate. I see no exes lording it over the friends on this board. I see a very fine balance in which we all can learn from one another's experiences---whether they be positive or negative. This board truly can be a healing place.

got my forty homey?

As an ex Bethelite and Pioneer I never proclaimed such as showing off but to let other readers know that I was not a "spirtually weak" individual with some sort of a vendetta against the society. I at one time did volunteer work out of my heart and for no ulterior motives such as promotions or titles. But after my experiences with Bethel and how I was treated by my congo after I left Bethel I had no one to speak to. You can talk to a outsider till you are blue in the face and you know you can't speak to family or former witness friends or you will be classified as a "apostate".

So I came here, first reading and not posting and now its seems as all on this board are like an extended family. To be able to speak about your problems read others problems, being able to relate makes it seem not as lonlely and sad but makes life more optomistic and fun.

Maybe one day we can all meet or meet regionally.

Phantom Stranger

Well said, min. The next step is to take that healing and apply it in the real world to create a happier, more successful, more fulfilled life - another place that titles don't help...

The attacking now seems to be on political and philosophical grounds :) Which is progress indeed, based on where we started...

minimus

Phantom, I do.

FlyingHighNow

Minimus,

Most elders I knew were good guys. The ones who were jerks would probably have been jerks anyway, JW or not. I always felt the problem with the elders lay in the org's. philosophy of basing people's value on how much JW work they put out. I'd say most elders were NOT jerks, though.

I feel like all of us were duped by the WTBTS. We were all victimized. We all did things to others that made them feel inferior.

Most, but not all, of the time when I was in I got no validation from elders, COs or the like. I got little respect from them unless they were intelligent enough to respect intelligent women. Now I can talk to YOU all and so far I get good feedback. You don't lord it over us. You are on the same level with us. So far I haven't run across an exbrother who still clings to the vastly unfair and demeaning headship arrangement. I don't think you can fathom how wonderful this is.

Let me say that I thank all of you exelders and servants and overseers for all the time you gave up trying to take care of us. Thank you for your sincerity. You all have a lot more to deal with conscience wise than us regular rank and file. You made decisions that affected families and individuals that I am sure still weigh on your consciences and maybe always will in this life.

I'm grateful for a forum like this where you can share the secrets of elderdom and we can hear about your feelings on the things you did. We can ask you questions. You can tell us how elderhood affected your lives. This is very nice.

Hugs for you all.

Heather

lovinlife

(((Minimus)))

I love your posts!!! You contribute so much to this healing place!

Sassy

I can't understand bashing ex elders, ms, pioneers, etc.. Any of us who were JWs at one time were there because we did believe it (unless we were forced by parents only)..We were doing what we thought was right at the time. I look at say an ex elder and see how he gave up even more in those years than I did. Family time is down, because you have even MORE meeting time to deal with.. and all those elders meetings and parts.. and committee meetings.. Man a normal JW doesn't have a life but elders have even less of one..

Now give up ALL that time and then realize it ISN'T the truth.. what a let down..

I feel sorry for ex elders.. and yes.. I am one of the ones let down by elders and left partically because of the love they didn't show... BUT it wasn't them personally. I know they are imperfect. It is just that if they can't carry out and do the things that are needed, it is just an eye opener this isn't the truth.. but they are just as blinded as we are..

franklin J

these have all been good posts, and I agree with them. It is important for us all to keep in mind, as SNS said " we did what we thought was right at the time".

Based on my own experience with the long healing process:

there was a period of denial, also a bitter period toward the WTBTS and the "truth" in general, terrible feelings of insecurity and directionless; and the light at the end of the tunnel took some time to reach. The "positive" attitude did not come easily and had to be a daily concious effort. Time. It all took time. But it all came together with some effort.

I see posters in various levels of this "healing" process posting in this forum. With encouragement from all of us, there is no reason why they cannot find their way.

core

Jerk elders are unlikely to leave as they relsih the position they hold inside the WT which they can never hope to match on the outside - most elders were not evil, many were pretty ruthless hard-liners, but many tried to put people first - tried that myself and got regularly "flamed" from other elders for being too tolerant - yes some ex ??? have had criticisms here but I had a far harder time as an elder than I do now - oh sweet freedom I bless it every day without having to read more letters from the branch, listen to other elders whinge and moan, take absolute hell from pathetic circuit overseers - any flaming going on here is as nothing to that

At time I miss being an elder - not for the power or whatever but because I did think we were there to help - it did take up so much of our lives that adjusting is a long process - leaving the WTT is like radical surgery but the scars and internal damage take a very long time ot get over.

As to effect on me of being an elder - I think that for many of us it helped introduce humility, modest and patience into our personalities - yes I know some are choking at that but I really believe that for some it was not just words but it reached the heart.

ApagaLaLuz

I never proclaimed such as showing off but to let other readers know that I was not a "spirtually weak" individual with some sort of a vendetta against the society.

I agree with you on this. The reason I say I was a pioneer, my Dad an Elder, and at one point engaged to a ministerial servant is for this very reason. That I wasnt disciplined and became bitter. I just grew to see so much false crap.

How My Experience As An Elder Affects Me And You

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