I'm nobody special but I'll give my example anyway. I was born a Jehovah Witness, I'm sure alot of you know what the entails. The first part of my life I didn't take it serious in the least. If you walked into the Kingdom Hall and looked around, I'd be the one with my arm holding up my head sleeping. I figured, what's the point of even being there? My older brother especially hated it. My father became a MS and then an elder. He was the 6'4" Nice guy at the meetings but when he got home he treated us like we weren't even related to him, not because we weren't taking meetings seriously, but because he had solid anger problems. I once left his computer chair 3 feet from his desk and he punched me dead in my chest for it. My brother ran away from home at 16 after my dad punched him across the room and didn't come back home until he was 18 after being caught selling guns on the street. As soon as he could he got a place and left. My brother feels anything that has to do with god is a joke. After what he went through can you blame him. I was 13 at the time my dad punched him. I didn't really know how many problems my dad had until my brother left (my two older sisters left before him).
After my brother left, I was the oldest so I got the wrath the most. I pretty much felt like a waste of space on this rock we call a planet and everything I did in life showed it. Other than a few people close to me, I hated everyone and everything. Not the kind of anger where you were outspoken spiteful and violent, the inner anger where you wanted nothing more than to be erased from existence. My school life was horrible, I hardly attended (people actually clapped when I stepped onto the bus one day), I failed every class and I did whatever I wanted to. The school couldn't control me. I was very suicidal at this point, the concept of having a reason for life was lost to me. Ironically though, through all of that, I beleived in god. I would get in theological arguments with people constantly, some people (especially gangsters) sat around and just talked to me about Jehovah. I don't know what it is about thugs and god, but they really hold on to him.
Eventually I went to class one day and a teacher told me I was gonna fail his class, the first day of class. He didn't know me, he had no previous information about me, how would he know? I found out from my brother that he was racist and couldn't stand black people. I thenwrote him a letter and said I would take his life, I was serious. I had nothing to lose. I was immediately detained by the police. I guess you can say fortune was on my side, since I was diagnosed as "Emotionally disturbed" I had many school consellors fighting for me. I also guess it didn't hurt that I also scored very high on IQ rating tests, and had a placement level outside of school, so they convinced everyone I was merely upset with and had no intentions of going through with. Anyway, I was expelled and placed in a private school which actually was a great school. They allowed students to smoke in an area (the police let them get away with it, we were gonna smoke anyway), there was no homework, and they were extremely gifted teachers, and only 5 students in each class. Not to mention alot of the people in the school had the same outlooks on life as me, so it was easy for us to relate to one another. This all seems like it's off the subject, but this all relates to the whole Jehovah Witness thing.
My parents moved and I followed (I was 17, where was I gonna go?). We switched kingdom halls and I acted like your basic thug, staring people down, etc. Then some of the witnesses decided to come and meet me. I'm not really sure when it happened, but I actually started to feel they were alright. I started doing better in the meetings, at school, and in life in general. I couldn't shake the old habbits though, I still had chaotic tendencies. For me though, that was a huge change. I actually met another witness who was deep and intellectual. We ended up being real cool and kicked it with each other everywhere. To me, alot of witnesses don't really question their own actions, even if the bible directly tells them they are out of order, even if the circuit overseer gives a talk directed at them, they will continue on in the same manner as if they never heard it.
I don't know if it was because of habbit but I eventually just started trying to get with witness girls. I used to think I was way to wicked for them, I been with countless girls outside of the kingdom hall, but I was doing better, I even pioneered some, so why not try right? That was probably the worst idea I ever came up with and was the source of much of my trouble. I think so many young witness girls are so bottled up, people like me almost attract them like a breeze of fresh air. At first everything was fine, but apparently I hollered at too many and I got the reputation as being a "player" in the congregations. I wasn't trying to get with every female who talked to me, but it appeared that way. I could accept that appearances look bad, but I can't be a jerk and just tell people "I can't talk to you anymore cuz people think it looks like we should be dating." I think male/female relationship is very vague in the bible outside of marriage, unfortunately alot of weak minded individuals take their own personal beleifs as law and attempt to enforce it on you. At first it didn't bother me too much that people hated me, people gossip in every walk of life. Alls that mattered is I was clean before god right? Eventually me and this girl got together and we ended up having sex without being married. We both got reproved for it and we broke up. She got married to a non-JW and is attending all the meetings without him. I on the other hand underwent alot of shaft for that. Somehow everyone knew about what I did and the gossip started costing me friends. Alot of people wanted to be cool with me, but the haters made sure to make them look bad. Females always wanted to be cool with me, which made me look worse, cuz I tried to keep things innocent. My past didn't help, cuz somehow everyone got wind of that too.
Eventually I fell in love with this JW girl, and she was into me too. She had her history too (it's wierd how many people have a bad history). So she was alright with mine. The gossip eventually got to her and someone told her it was all a game for me to be with her and I'd leave her after awhile. That was the last straw, I found who I wanted, finally do everything the right way to get her and someone costs you it all just by telling that person "Don't get with him, he'll love you and leave you" even though I never did that to any witnesses ever. I started to regress after that, what is the point? I honestly held everything in the bible to be true, and really I had no problem with the great majority of witnesses either, but the people who think they are righteous and think they know how it is, I can't stand em. The people who know a few scriptures and quote them regularly but can't keep their eyes out of other's business, I hate that. Gossip, slander, it makes me sick. I went out looking for girls outside of the congregation and got disfellowshipped for sex.
My feeling after that was, if your gonna screw up, do it right. One of my good friends who was cool with me even before I took witness seriously got disfellowshipped too. So we got apartment and decided to fight life on our own. I thought everything would be smooth and I could always come back to the congregation when I felt like it right? I think my bible knowledge only grew after I left, cuz I did alot more free form studying. I still have many bible discussions with people. I started to understand why many people acted like they did to me with gossip and such, alot of those people contacted me and apologized (even though I'm DF and they shouldn't). After I left though life has been hard, when I originally was in with the people I have around me, I was one of them, After being a faithful witness, it changes things, you see how slow minded so many are and how lost they are. Lately though, I have questioned all the basic concepts of god. If all of man is imperfect, couldn't the entire bible be? What if god really does hate my existence? I have seen nothing that proves that I am created, or evolved. I have seen no miracles and I have not had much of a life. That's my story though, the outkast forever. Some witnesses still try to talk to me and encourage me to come back, especially my family. I bear no ill will to anyone anymore, it's pointless to hate people who have no idea what they've done to you. I was mad at the time but after seeing the outside world again I realize that some people just don't learn to take in all knowledge, even knowledge that is beyond the scope of the bible. I have a girlfriend and a baby on the way, and I will do my best to bring her up to have a strong will and mind. Maybe she'll end up a JW, maybe she'll be a evolutionist. As long as she isn't a hypocrit, I'll be okay.