Family division (page 2)

Smiles

@Joao

Love-bomb them. They are conditioned to be drawn toward love-bombing.

joao

@Smiles

You're right. But my mind is a bit of a mess here...

I'm exhausted, tired of fighting to accept silly rules by crazy people and their followers until I was able to run away.

My wife's mother is an old JW and my wife doesn't want to disappoint her in her last years...

Our younger daughter is dating a JW boy and they really don't care about what's right or wrong. It's too much trouble and not emotional and socially good for them now...

And I'm in the middle of all this mess...

Smiles

Becoming an eyeservice JW or inactive JW can bring considerable relief and also allow more time for family and self.

Continue showing great love to your immediate family as you certainly desire to do from your heart.

And, please, do not become another Michael Wayne Moore of Tullahoma Alabama USA.

If negative emotions become overwhelming, there is no shame in voluntarily checking into a professional therapeutic clinic for help and hiatus.

The rough spots of breaking free from JW captivity are a normal phase of the freedom process which lightens over time.

Another helpful course can be making a point to do more recreational things that your spouse and children really enjoy... if they get more of what they enjoy by your going POMO, it can lean toward a more positive experience for the family.

joao

@Smiles

Thank you very much for your advice.

I don't intend to become another Mikey. But neuter did he. The only thing I really want is to lead a calm life with my family. We, as teachers, have enough problems to deal with already.

I might seek some more help because this whole situation is really becoming overwhelming. I've never tolerated lies and dishonesty, crimes and that's what this corporation is based on to lure its victims. And seeing those I love continuing under their spell and not respecting my leadership is becoming too hard. The corporation (the people) are shunning me and it feels like my family is giving them their support.

I know they are also victims, but we could be doing this together as a family. And we aren't!

It's sad...

Smiles

Agreed. The main concern is the wellbeing of your immediate family and yourself. Continue to enable a calm family environment as you can reasonably.

Laughably, the Saturday program of this 2022 convention focuses on maintaining peaceful relationships. So, whenever possible, avoid doing anything that might be perceived as hostile, because JWs have long memories and will exploit such as a pretext justification to alienate you.

Give JWs no cause for alarm other than your quiet fade into inactive status, which will usually shift them into love-bombing mode as they attempt to reactivate you. And that is exactly where you want to keep them... in their love-bombing mode, as phony as they may be.

As long as you can remain calm, collected and more the loving, all onus stays on them, particularly anyone doing pre-shunning or other forms of marginalising.

As challenging as it is reversing this JW spell stuff, with time, much of it can work to your advantage.

Just continue being the calmer, increasingly more fun and loving person, especially in the area of family life. Explore spending some extra money on fun with your family, and things of meaning to them.

Also, if you feel it, maybe let them see you cry a bit as you express your love & loyalty to your immediate family during the conversations that will inevitably arise with your loved ones.

Let the ordeal slowly transform you into an even better person.

You can win this!

joao

@Smiles

Thanks, again, for your words!

I didn't tell you, but I'm already out. And I slammed the door on Watchtower with some noise! Not by being unpleasant or impolite but because I made questions and statements regarding their "truth" through a letter that I made public. (I'm a teacher in a small town and I don't want people to think I'm still a JW.)

The question now is only about preserving my family and helping them see that they need to leave too. And I need to preserve my sanity also... Because, as you know, being shunned by all the JWs and feeling that they still have so much power over those you love feels a bit like knowing that your wife is sleeping with your enemy (sorry for the image but it conveys the idea).

stan livedeath

you also have to face the reality that sometimes the born in brain ~~dead~~ washed will stay with the only life support system they know--the watchtower...even choosing that over their partner.

My first wife was firmly in that category. She divorced me as fast as she could when i provided the scriptural grounds she needed. I'm sure she got great comfort from all the others in the congregation. Isnt that what its all about?

But that was 40+ years ago.

Smiles

Kudos for achieving POMO. That is the biggest hurdle for some JW escapees.

If your wife and children still enjoy being connected to the JW world in some ways, and if their involvement is relatively healthy tolerable activity, it is possible to happily coexist as a family.

Ideally, you would simply become the "unbelieving" yet admirably loving and tolerant mate/parent. There are many families with that dynamic. Most husbands/fathers in that category often command greater respect from JW authorities than is given to a PIMI husband/father.

If a "religiously divided" family has a reasonable level of domestic peace and happiness then the wolves of a JW congregation generally back away and retreat, dropping in from time-to-time with some routine love-bombing.

Avoid giving JWs the impression that THEY must act to protect YOUR family from "spiritual harm", because that is when JWs feel obsessive-compulsive obligation to pry intrusively... with the intention of 'protecting one of their flock'

If you eventually lean toward unilaterally disolving the marriage, some adamant religious opposition from you will, ironically, cause JWs themselves to help put apart the marriage for you as they attempt to "protect the spirituality" of your wife/children by endorsing a 'scripturally permissible' separation.

The situation of Michael Wayne Moore demonstrated what can trigger JW stormtroopers to attack. If you pursue that route, it will be rough, so prepare everything in advance.

I gather you are intelligent and were already well aware of these things.

Vanderhoven7

@ Joao

Am I right in thinking you left the organization but still are a man of faith?

jwundubbed

I had a friend who was a JW for about 20 years. Her husband was not a JW. What he was, was a stable and steady influence in her life. He was kind and considerate and a rock when the JWs were freaking out or just plain miserable. When her three children were in their teens they decided that they didn't want to be JWs anymore. Within a few years the whole family was out mentally and physically and they were happier than they had ever been when they were in the JWs. I truly believe that their transition was easier because they had their father/husband who was so steady and provided so much support to them. He didn't like the JWs. He didn't like how his wife and children were treated. But he respected the choices that his family made and that made him a good Head of Household. He maintained good values and raised his kids to make good choices. He never made them feel that their choice to be JW was wrong. I haven't seen anyone else transition out of the JWs with as much common sense and so little cognitive dissonance. I'm sure they had some but they had less internal conflict than anyone else I have ever known who went through that struggle and I, personally, believe that it was because they had a steady rock and a voice of reason guiding them.

If you are there for them emotionally then they aren't wasting their time at whatever they are doing. This is true regardless of if you don't like the religion that they are in, or if they spend too much time with friends or in video games or whatever the case may be. If you are supporting them in healthy ways then you are a good head of household regardless of how they are spending their time. It really is quality over quantity.

Family division

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