Letter to my wife

by Truthexplorer 16 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • Truthexplorer
    Truthexplorer

    I decided to write the following letter to my wife after years of frustration. It was the only way I could express my feelings to her. So far I have had a mixed reaction from her which I can later tell you about. The letter is about 3 pages long.



    Dear ‘……..’,

    I am writing this letter to let you know that I am once again going through some mind struggle with my faith again. It is getting to the point that I may have to back off for awhile as I am worried I will bottling things up so much so that I not only get myself down like I did many years ago, but am also worried I make a complete mess of things like I did in the past. Also, I need to get things off my chest and help you see why I feel the way I do. I have no one else to talk to about it. The only way I can express myself to you is though letter form as it is impossible to have a rational adult conversation with you about my thoughts and feelings, which is a shame to be honest, but understand why you feel that way. It is fear of the unknown that causes you and many others to proverbially bury your heads in the sand.

    The letter I sent to the society regarding ………………… was a symptom of those bottled up feelings that culminated in me sending that letter. That was foolish on my part and don’t want that to happen again. Instead, I will continue to write to the GB using my anonymous name ‘…………’ to actively try in a small way to change certain policies, rules both written and unwritten, as well as teachings that I feel are contrary to scripture. There is nothing wrong with constructive feedback; the purpose of which can help improve things for the better (within scriptural parameters). The reason for my doing so is because thousands and thousands of individuals worldwide are deeply affected by a number of what I consider to be man made policies put in place by the Governing Body of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

    Some examples include the highly controversial policy of handling child abuse cases. The very controversial Shunning policy - particularly of family members; the blood issue; the continuous articles against Higher Education. The list goes on!

    Some of their imposed rules, such as the frowning upon brothers who through personal choice wish to grow a beard; ………………………………………………………………………………………… ………………… …………………………………………………………………Having such control over the brothers gives those opposed to the witnesses the ammunition they need to back up their claims that we are a high control religion and can therefore confidently point the finger at us. …………………… …………………………………………………………………………………… This rule is clearly stated in the branch correspondence guidelines which were leaked by a bethelite in New York, which I managed to freely download over the internet recently. So in effect it is now clearly ‘a written’ rule as opposed to an unwritten rule. I always believed this to be an unwritten rule till after reading those guidelines. So, the elders simply parrot what the GB tells them to do. The elders through no fault of their own are powerless to change such rules. If an individual elder tried to change some rule and made a point about it, they would face disciplinary action and be removed as an elder. So, I in no way blame the elders, in fact to the contrary, most of them are genuine sincere shepherds who sincerely believe that what they are doing is correct. Note: …………… ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

    My objections are that such rules are (and there are many) clearly man made rules that go beyond what is written. For this very reason, Jesus condemned the Pharisees for making man made rules that were a burden on the people (Read Mathew chapter 23). Instead of filling their spiritual needs, such rules are an unnecessary distraction for people in that they think that Jehovah is a very strict rule driven God. This in turn impacts on an individual’s faith making them think they are not good enough and causing feelings of guilt. Yet such specific rules or erroneous teachings were never imposed by God. For many years now, I have been obsessively reading up and analysing the societies rules, teachings and policies, particularly when there are so many changes to what we once used to believe, such as ‘The generation teaching’ and its numerous changes. So, I personally have been distracted because of this and as a result, have found it difficult to focus on my faith wholeheartedly. That’s why I am continuously half hearted about my beliefs as a Jehovah’s Witness.

    It’s getting to a point where I am finding myself continuously questioning everything that comes out of watchtower. I agree with anything that is backed up and clearly stated in the scriptures; and to be fair, the society (er should I say Organisation) does provide much material that is backed up by scripture. It is only the things that go beyond what is written that I take issue with. It is for that reason I will for the time being continue to write individual letters to the society on topics such as:

    The one size fits all Shunning policy. There are horrendous stories all over the internet about peoples experiences with this policy.

    Disassociation- A person cannot choose to simply leave if they wish - as will be shunned-even by family? SEE FEB 2016 WT STUDY coming up. As an example, ……………………………..

    …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

    Child abuse allegations The Societies policies and procedures on the handling of child abuse cases. Note: See the Australian royal commissions hearing into child abuse cases among Jehovah’s witnesses in Australia which can be viewed on you tube. It is a real eye opener.

    The blood issue

    Dress and Grooming, Beards etc

    Birthdays

    Christ Mediatorship

    The other sheep

    Dates and the new generation interpretation -This is proving to be embarrassing ie now 101 years since 1914!!! hence the reason why they had to redefine ‘this generation’. But hey, the light gets brighter!

    Reporting field service - Did Jesus and the apostles do this? What did Jesus say – don’t let your left hand know what your right is doing, so that your righteousness cannot be seen by men – or words to that affect! Read Matthew 6:3,4. Reporting causes feeling of guilt – not doing enough etc. This puts many off and as result don’t feel good enough causing them to lose their faith or even simply leave. Your faith appears to be measured by how many hours you get in! The ministry is done out of compulsion for the most part, not love.

    Baptism to who? (ie We should be baptised only in the name of the father, and of the son and of the Holy Spirit – according to Jesus (Matthew 28:19). Pay close attention to the baptismal talk at the assembly this weekend and see who we are baptised to – according to the GB!

    Governing Body in the first century? - there were the apostles and early disciples who spear headed the work led by the holy spirit and scriptures eg Paul was hundreds of miles away in various congregations for years only using the scriptures, the holy spirit, his experiences, and letters of encouragement and inspiration written at that time - a lot of which were written by him). The Governing body is a term used to describe the men who run a company, which is what the society are – a publishing company, originally - the purpose of which was to edify Christians faith – not controlling them! Research this if you think I am making it up (see jw facts).

    Referring to God as Jehovah continuously (Jehovah /Yahweh/YHWH/Yehovah - We can call him any of these names – it doesn’t matter. Why? Because no one knows the exact way Gods name is pronounced. (The society even admit this in their own bible). I am happy occasionally to use Jehovah, however, Jesus did teach us to pray ‘Our Father’ which is more intimate and respectful when we pray to him. The same when ‘…….’ respectfully calls me Dad as opposed to calling me ‘……’ as would be a little bit over familiar and come across as a little disrespectful. As I say, I don’t see anything wrong in referring to God as Jehovah - that’s fine when it comes to identifying God; but referring to him as father when praying to him is in my mind more appropriate and respectful without being overly familiar.

    The ‘High Control’ over members – feeling restricted eg not allowed to question anything whatsoever? No constructive feedback allowed as viewed as questioning the GB (ie 7 men in New York) which has and can lead to a member being disfellowshipped. You are labelled with one of the societies better loaded words ie ‘Apostate’ which is inculcated to the degree that immediately causes the barriers to go up. Eg - supposing I mentioned to the elders that I in good conscience didn’t feel it is wrong to celebrate ‘…….’ birthday and stood my ground. What do you think would happen? I would likely face a judicial committee and disfellowshipped as a result for apostasy if I refused to change my thinking. Such is the control! To me, this does not feel like freedom in Christ.

    We just repeatedly parrot everything in the publications at meetings even when we know some of it sounds bizarre. My faith and the faith of thousands of brothers is stagnant as a result. Hence, the reason why some elders out of sheer frustration started up sites such as the Beroean Pickets so that we can openly discuss scripture, which in turn enables us to build a Christians faith.

    Out of the 30,000 + Christian faith groups, Jehovahs witnesses are the only ones who have the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth according to the GB. We are right, every other Christian faith group is wrong. Yet, we have consistently made errors/mistakes over the past 100 years, eg the generation change, the faithful and discreet slave change, dates – the false prophecies of 1914, 1925, 1941, 1975, end of the 20th century, organ transplants, blood fractions, adjustments to this that and the other etc. What we believe today, could be changed tomorrow. Is Jehovah so fickle? Or is it the men who claim to represent him the ones that are fickle? I know who I would put my money on!

    No organised’ Christian outlets within the community of Jehovah’s witnesses – For example - no youth group outlets. Many young ones leave because they are bored – that is a fact! Not many social events –leading to many witnesses feeling isolated. All work no play!

    So what Now

    As things stand, I will not allow the policies of the GB to affect my life. I am not going to give that kind of power to men who I believe have some flawed erroneous teachings and rules that go beyond what is written. Note: I have read though the elders ‘secret’ shepherd the flock of God book and branch correspondence guidelines both of which I freely downloaded over the internet; and therefore am aware of their rules as directed by the GB. On an individual level, I don’t blame any of the rank and file witnesses (including the elders). The elders sadly blindly follow the GB which is unfortunate. Note: there are many elders, who like myself actively want to bring about change ……………… ………………………… …………………… ……… ………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

    I pray that change will come about soon and that the GB allow congregations more autonomy, like it was in the first century and rely on Gods holy spirit and Gods word to direct us;….to give the elders the power to do so whilst providing publications that can be up building, yet have liberty in Christ ie scope to allow Christians their view points in all good conscience based on scripture. We can be united as Christians without being restrictive, controlling, stagnant, repetitive, and dogmatic. The meetings should be a place where we feel up built and incited to love and fine works. I personally find the meetings highly boring, because of the simple reason we don’t have liberty in Christ where we can express our faith to one another openly, as much as I dare say it, in the days when Charles Taze Russell was president. The stoic Judge Rutherford changed all that which has led to what we have today (see jw facts)!

    I am putting truth over error as need to stay faithful to Christ as a Christian in order to maintain my relationship with my heavenly father YHWH. I only identify myself as a Christian when at work now or if a stranger asks. Quite frankly, with so many controversies in the media surrounding Jehovah’s witnesses at this time such as the blood issue, the Australian Royal commissions hearing into the societys mishandling of over a 1000 child abuse cases in Australia since the 1950’s, the shunning of family members, the hypocritical membership of the UN as an NGO for 10 years - I am embarrassed to identify myself as one.

    All of this puts me in a quandary. For the time being I will continue as much as I can to attend meetings for as long as I can, but IF I find I need to take some time out due to the frustrating feelings I am currently experiencing and the elders or others ask YOU questions. Please go along with the official line below as this is this too is truthful. Note: the Holy Spirit will guide me in what I need to do over the coming year. I have full faith that Christ will lead me in this.

    OFFICIALLY

    – keep it simple - ‘……’ is feeling a little down at this time and said he needs to take some time out; That way the door is kept open for me to return at any point and maintain relationships with the brother; but mostly you are taking the power away from the 7 men in New Yor (aka Governing Body of the ‘watchtower corporation’).

    UNOFFICIALLY

    If you or I were to mention the above reasons to the elders, you are giving power to the 7 men in New York (aka Governing Body). In line with their policies/rules, which the elders MUST FOLLOW to the letter, I will end up before a judicial committee and if I don’t back down/ recant, will be disfellowshipped for Apostasy (that very effective loaded word they like to demonize people with). That would create a huge amount of repercussions as you are well aware.

    I Hope this letter helps you see my point of view and how I feel at this time. Note, my faith in God has not changed. No man can change how I feel about my faith in God and his beloved son Jesus Christ, as well as my hope for the future.

    ‘……’

  • dubstepped
    dubstepped
    It is hard to know what type of feedback to give here. I think you make excellent points and mostly is a respectful way. I don't know how many times you two have talked about this previously. If this was a first, you likely overwhelmed her. Slow and steady wins the race. But maybe you two have discussed this for some time and this is a summary of some of that. It also depends on what type of fun she is, an uber dub or a so-so dub. I'd be curious as to her response. I know if someone had hit me with too much too early I may have shut down. My wife and I pushed each other on the way out. I started faster than she was comfortable with, but once she got moving she made changes faster. People need time to find their own way on such personal matters. Best of luck with it. :)
  • nmthinker
    nmthinker

    I think if I wrote this letter to my wife she wouldn't even read it. It can also be used as proof against you in a JC.

    I'm also curious how she responded.

  • park ave boy
    park ave boy
    I'd love to read the whole letter but the formatting is really bad. Only half the letter is showing. Can you reformat this? I love the way it sounds thus far!
  • cha ching
    cha ching

    Dear Truthexplorer, I wish you well, it is such a hard thing to know "the truth" and pretend to be "in the truth." As others have noted, it all depends on your wife, if you have spoken before, or if she will take the time to read.

    The points you have made are well written..... I have seen the propagandized lines of the WT take people's brains over right before my eyes... The human is no longer human. Reasoning is not allowed... Scripture is disregarded... The walls just go up to keep the intruder out.

    So sorry that it is so hard, however, if she has any human feeling left in her, she will want to help you, and just like it took time for the WT to propagandize her, it will take time to de-propagandize.

    My suggestion? Build your husband / wife relationship with her.... Take her on 'dates'.... create memories, fun... loving ones... Go on vacations / trips so that she has less time in service / meetings... you need to 'take her away' from the hamster wheel.

    Good luck!

    cha ching!

  • Landy
    Landy

    TBH. If I felt that was the only way I could communicate with my wife I would be giving it up as a bad job and running for the hills :(

  • DesirousOfChange
    DesirousOfChange

    PAB: I'd love to read the whole letter but the formatting is really bad. Only half the letter is showing.

    I "copied & pasted" the letter into a Word document to read it in its entirety.

    am also worried I make a complete mess of things like I did in the past.

    I'm sorry that you are so troubled over these issues and there certainly are many issues in The Truth as we all were lead to believe it.

    But I'm most concerned about your statement above. I take that as meaning you have experienced some serious health issues or relationship issues as a result of how you dealt with these (or other issues) in the past. I do believe that if you have suffered such serious health or emotional consequences it is time to seek out professional medical help that can offer you ways to deal with the anxiety or stress of it all.

    The trauma of discovering TTATT has been compared to loving a close family member and I don't think that is necessarily an exaggeration. It turns one's life (and everything you believed in and structured your life on) upside down. Still, most people who lose a loved one, even a spouse or child, and most people who leave the WT Borg as a result of learning TTATT do not have as severe of consequences as I fear those to which you are making reference.

    While TTATT is "life changing", you must not allow it to destroy your life. Take a step back. There is no hurry. If you're like most of us here, you've already wasted years or even decades on The Truth. Another day or week or month isn't going to make any difference.

    Frankly, I would not send anything in writing that is so incriminating. If this is the only way you can communicate to your wife, you have more serious problems in your relationship than those brought about by TTATT.

    Good luck

    Doc

  • Giordano
    Giordano
    I agree with Dubstepped on this slow and easy if you can.
  • Truthexplorer
    Truthexplorer
    Thanks for the replies everyone and sorry for the formatting. It seems to come up that way when I cut and paste from word. My wife and I have had a number of conversations over the years, but she usually dismisses my views with 'you should discuss your doubts with elders...ya da ya da'. She knows I have strong views and hates it when I criticise teachings etc. Many years ago, I had it out with elders about my doubts and had faded for a lengthy period, but then returned. I am once again at that point where I will just break out and speak my mind again....and don't want that, as likely would end up df'd. Hence the letter to my wife about my feelings. I love God and need my faith, but the frustration I have knowing ttatt is eating away at me. I may need to back off for some time/ fade in order to let off steam. My wife had a chat with me about the letter, but was again dismissing some of the points in the letter. The letter was years of bottled up thoughts and wanted her to understand why I had such views. She is Watchtower through and through, and know she will never leave no matter what. It will be an interesting year!
  • jwfacts
    jwfacts
    What is the chance of your wife showing the letter to the elders?

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