Elders, Jews and Dead Bunnies

by KalebOutWest 13 Replies latest jw experiences

  • KalebOutWest
    KalebOutWest

    I thought I would give my personal experience on who I am, how I came into the world of Watchtower, why I left, etc. This would explain a lot about the answers I give and why they don't directly reflect my personal convictions (like a normal person--and I do mean that literally, kinda). I cannot put everything here, but I can start bit by bit.

    When I was 17 years old, my mother was on her third marriage and kinda starting her fourth (as she was dating this surfer dude-like guy who wasn't even 5 years older than me). My mother was a very beautiful woman. My father was very handsome. (The surfer dude was kinda fat.) The two were the "black sheep" of each of their respective families when they had married one another. They also had a very wealthy and rocky marriage, divorced when I was 13, and took off to marry and divorce as many people as they could in a race against one another that seemed like a game show competition.

    It was at this time that I got involved with the Jehovah's Witnesses. I had had an aunt named Faith who had been a Witness, and she used to comment here as well but she recently passed. She was a pistol. Anyway, she watched over me because my mother tried to steal a lot of money from hubby number three (he was loaded) to finance marriage to hubby number four (which never panned out). Concerned that I would learn of her (illegal) plan and spill the beans, my mother and older brother Seth* devised a plan to get me out of the home and out of their hair.--*I have changed names to protect the innocent, mostly me.

    Confusing my aunt with the Mormons, Seth told my mother that since I was so good at following rules that I should be sent to live with my Aunt Faith, as "she was a Mormon" and they have a "college program or something like that." So off I went.

    Auntie Faith was neither Mormon nor was there any "college program."

    I began to study a book with some elders called You Can Live Forever In Paradise On Earth. I went through a couple of weeks worth when suddenly my father came through and pulled my family together for a meeting and told me to tell the elders something that they eventually told me was, and I quote: "A Devil-inspired lie, made to pull you away from the truth." I was told that "Satan was just trying to do everything in his power to stop me from studying and getting my family to start persecuting me because he knew this study meant my eternal life."

    What was this "lie"? 17 year-old me had to tell them: "My parents want me tell you that I have to stop the study as we are Jews and I can't participate in this study program as you are Jehovah's Witnesses and as a Jew I can't get involved in a religion that leads to baptism." I had to memorize this little speech, by the way, so I still remember it.

    That week's study I was shown pictures of the Temple mount in Jerusalem by the elder from the old Aid book, and that same elder was telling me that God put an "Allah Temple" there "to purposefully insult the Jews because they murdered Jesus!"

    The expression that those words (and his horrific vocabulary) put on my face reminded me of the expression my younger brother Ethan had years later. I eventually was out of the Organization at that time and we were in his living room. Miriam, a P.E. teacher, had run in with a net. "What is that for?" he asked her.

    "It's to catch poopies," she said. "When she gives birth, your wife is going to make poopies into the pool."

    Being told I wasn't Jewish and that Jews murdered Jesus and that the Dome of the Rock was an "Allah Temple" made by God to insult us Jews was like watching my younger brother, Ethan, in shock. His wife was having natural childbirth in a pool of water that was situated in their living room surrounded by "guests" that they had invited for the event. I too was invited, but I didn't want to be there. (Definitely not.)

    "Ethan! Ethan, are you okay with this?" I asked. He had an expression of shock on his face. Of course he had an expression of shock on his face. Not only was his wife giving birth in a kiddie swimming pool in their living room surrounded by relatives, friends, and strangers with a lesbian from the local synagogue picking up stray "poopies" with the net from Mr. Hartman's pool net from next door (I sure hope nobody told him what they did with it after they returned it), his expression was obviously in shock because 9 months prior to this, his wife Sara had stuck a pregnancy test in his face.

    Have you ever had a pregnancy test stuck in your face? It's a stick that someone has just recently peed on. Who cares if it says you are about to have a child? Someone is putting a stick in your face that they have just peed on. That is what causes the expression of shock that today's fathers all have on their faces. Pee-stick face.

    My father and father's of yesterday did not have pee-stick face back then. Back then they just killed a bunny rabbit to test if you were pregnant. Back then all doctors were Jewish, and there was this ancient Jewish ritual based on Yom Kippur's scapegoat that could also tell if a woman was pregnant. But instead of using two goats and tossing one over a ledge to purge you of all sins, you merely used two bunnies--and if during this Jewish voo-doo ritual you got this "signal" from HaShem, one of the bunnies would be tossed over the ledge as well and you would tell the patient that she was expecting. Hence the old saying: "The rabbit died."

    Of course, since I was told I was not a Jew by those bastard elders who really knew nothing about me, my family, and Judaism, this family experience was almost lost to history save the fact that I ran off from those JWs when I was old enough...which was another story entirely. But I transgress.

    Instead of watching Fishing for Poopies in my younger brother's living room, I could have insisted on remaining a Jehovah's Witness all those years ago, learning about how I wasn't Jewish (and all about "Allah Temples"). I could have been part of the new Roku JW generation who grew up with rubber-face Stephen Lett who looks like he's fished for too many (and caught some) poopies in his lifetime, and still waiting with my (gay) pioneer friend (who was in denial) for an end to this system of things that would never come. (More on that later.)

    My father was murdered by the sons of his fourth marriage (allegedly) and my older brother Seth (allegedly) tried to kill my mother and is still on the run to this day (he was last seen disguising himself as a Chasidic Jew and arguing with a Catholic nun in a Catholic hospital and telling her why "Jesus is not the Messiah"). Mother is in the last stages of Alzheimer's in a special facility (but she was almost in a state prison cell for life for that money scheme). The rest of my family is pretty normal, for a bunch of "Jesus murders" (allegedly).

    More to come. Just 6 days till Chanukah. So nice to be part of the normal world and not in a cult, right?

  • WingCommander
    WingCommander

    Not gonna lie; this is one the trippiest stories I've read on here, and I've been on here 22 years. lol.

    Welcome! I think you'll fit right in here.

  • dropoffyourkeylee
    dropoffyourkeylee

    Awesome stories!

  • ballistic
    ballistic

    I would have called this...

    2

    "2 Elders, Jews and Dead Bunnies, four weddings and a funeral" ;)
  • KalebOutWest
    KalebOutWest

    Thanks everyone.

    The whole thing came down to the fact that Elder Barry (the main elder who was studying with me--not his real name) had originally belonged to this weird Penecostal church that had taught Jewish deicide. Barry had been attracted to the Witnesses back in 1973/74 on account of the "1975--End of the World" commotion, and so he was an emotional, dramatic kinda guy.

    It was November 1984 when all this was happening. So the Witnesses themselves still were spinning and trying to figure out if the end was still going to come any day now (they believed that maybe there was this math involving Adam being in the garden naming the animals until God put him to sleep to make Eve out of his rib and then that was how long you could count from 1975, therefore, any day now--KABOOM!).

    Witnesses themselves are not normally this antisemitic as a rule. This was mostly a holdover from that church Barry had attended. I would later trace his weird comments to pamphlets from that group as none of what he said (some of it was too horrible to print here) came from Watchtower materials.

    There was this pioneer friend and his married elder buddy that would come by my place all the time. The elder would often drop by after his work, usually when I was showering (he seemed to always know) to "use the bathroom"--WHILE I WAS IN THE SHOWER!

    Handsome guys. Tended to wear little clothing. Liked to invite me over for sleepovers. I think I was once supposed to be a "pillow" and it was almost a Pillowgate situation, I think. I slipped out of that quite quickly once I got a bad vibe. I was so naive.

  • NotFormer
    NotFormer

    "2 Elders, Jews and Dead Bunnies, four weddings and a funeral" ;)

    A partridge in a pear tree?

    ...Lucy screams

    https://www.pinterest.com/pin/snoopy-christmas--137430226109575221/

  • Jeffro
    Jeffro
    Back then they just killed a bunny rabbit to test if you were pregnant. Back then all doctors were Jewish, and there was this ancient Jewish ritual based on Yom Kippur's scapegoat that could also tell if a woman was pregnant. But instead of using two goats and tossing one over a ledge to purge you of all sins, you merely used two bunnies--and if during this Jewish voo-doo ritual you got this "signal" from HaShem, one of the bunnies would be tossed over the ledge as well and you would tell the patient that she was expecting. Hence the old saying: "The rabbit died."

    The ‘rabbit test’ was used in the 1930s to 1950s. A woman’s urine was injected into a rabbit to determine if pregnancy hormones were present - if present, the rabbit’s ovaries would respond. Whilst the practice did result in an expression ‘the rabbit died’, the rabbit was always euthanised for examination regardless of whether the woman was actually pregnant or not. The test has nothing to do with Judaism, and the claim that all doctors then were Jewish is entirely false.

  • KalebOutWest
    KalebOutWest

    Jeffro, I wasn't saying the test had anything to do with Judaism itself.

    This was meant to be a joke at those two elders (and people like them) who claimed they know all about Jews.

    If you notice, the reference claims that 'all doctors were Jewish' back then (a stereotype) and a reference to the Yom Kippur ritual as well as pregnancy tests, modern and past being "voo-doo."

    Both of the elders who insisted that I become one of Jehovah's WItnesses when I was 17 claimed to know exactly what they were talking about, that I wasn't Jewish. It turned out I was indeed a Sephardic Jew and just a few years later with the help of both Jewish and Christian clergy traced my family line back to the days of the Spanish Inquisition (and possibly further). I was also related to countless others who perished in the Holocaust.

    It turned out it was those two JW elders who were the ones practicing the real voo-doo.

    Jews tend to be self-deprecating as we generally have high self-esteem. We are told we are valued, we can make a difference, and we are equipped through life and through community to do so. Our religion, however, well, we are taught it's pretty much mythology and, yes, it was kinda voo-doo. So there's a lot of humor in it.

    I mean, generations ago on the Day of Atonement we threw innocent goats over cliffs and thought that meant God would forgive us.

    If there really is a God, don't you think God would be pretty pissed that we threw his goats over cliffs? How on earth does a society equate atonement of sins by punting goats into a deep gulch and thinking, "Yep, we good"?

    Jeffro, please, take it from me. If you don't start seeing the humor in things, you are going to end up being as stuck and stupid as those two elders still are.

    Your constant following me around on this site to find flaws in everything I say is exhausting. Move on.

  • Jeffro
    Jeffro

    🙄

  • Jeffro
    Jeffro
    Jeffro, please, take it from me. If you don't start seeing the humor in things, you are going to end up being as stuck and stupid as those two elders still are.

    Thank goodness we have your poorly executed humour to set things straight. 😒 How dare someone provide factual information. Your meandering anecdote didn’t serve its stated purpose of explaining “a lot about the answers I give and why they don't directly reflect my personal convictions”. The fact is, you do usually, but not always, provide accurate information when you’re endeavouring to be accurate. I see nothing wrong with correcting errors or providing additional information when I see fit. You do the same—frequently and at length—so it’s not clear why you’re so upset when others do it.

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