Never thought I would see this in my family circle

Captain Schmideo2

So, my 17 year old niece reveals to me that for the past few years, her father (my sister's husband) has been physically and verbally abusive to her.
Enough so that it finally came to a breaking point, and she reported it to the police. She told me that she had wished she had told me sooner, but she was trying to wait til she was 18 so that she could leave.
I knew that she and her parents had been locking horns for the past couple of years, but I chalked it up to teen puberty and general growing pains. But on their last, most recent visit, I could tell that something was really eating at her.
Apparently, what set off this latest incident was that he discovered that she had been seeing/involved with a non-Witness boy about her age, and got so violent with her that it left marks.
Ironically, she went and got help from her boyfriend's father, a paramedic, who documented the injuries and encouraged her to report it.
So, yeah, he spent a night in jail.
She is now staying at the parents of her boyfriend, while still trying to have some aspects of her old life (work, school, etc.).

Now, here is the saddening thing.
With all this going on, my sister, who I communicate with daily, has not said "boo" about any of this going on. They cancelled their family vacation "and were just going to have a staycation to save money" (because I am sure that they had to pay some bail). But, when I ask questions like, "How are the kids?", and "Are they ready for school?", nothing is mentioned at all about this.
Meanwhile, I find out from my niece that word has gotten back to her that her parents have put forward the tale that "she put the marks on herself" and that "she ran away so that she could live with her boyfriend."

I have pointedly asked my niece about details, where she was comfortable to talk about them. She is not making this up.
She has been interviewed by the police, by case workers, by Human Services, and they aren't doubting her either.
I am so disappointed in my sister participating in this lie and slander against her own daughter. I didn't think she had it in her, especially since she had gone through similar with her first husband 30 years ago.

My niece was worried that, in the court appearance, her dad would be believed over her testimony. I basically said that a courtroom is not the same as meeting with the elders at the Kingdom Hall, and that with the evidence and interviews with various professionals against him, he is going to have to do a lot more than just present himself as a nice guy in court. I am sure that the court has seen similar masquerades before.

I am treading the very thin line of giving her moral and emotional support, while not overtly making comments about her religion, or remarks against her parents. I don't want to be seen as the guy who "turned her away". I don't want to be seen as someone interfering with her parents (but believe me, there are SO many things I want to say about this goofy, dangerous religion, it's been hard!)

Right now, though, she is safe, and experiencing a JW parent's worst nightmare: She is in a different environment where she is safe, encouraged, and not constantly yelled at and condemned. The family appears to be very nice, somewhat well-off. The dad, in addition to being a paramedic, is also a Youth minister (which means much more training than an Elder ever gets). She has already stated that she doesn't feel safe going back home, and I don't blame her.
I have told her that she is welcome at our house with me and my wife.

On the positive side, she actually got to go on a date with her boyfriend, who was old fashioned enough to take her to dinner, skating, and bought her chocolates and roses. So, he sounds like he has some quality.

Anyway, been a long time since I was on this board, and needed to unload.

Ding

So sorry to hear this.

If your niece's parents object to her living elsewhere, point out that her being away from the house prevents further allegations of abuse being made and they have enough accusations to deal with as it is.

Also, she's 17. Even without abuse allegations, soon she'll be a legal adult and able to leave despite any of their objections.

Captain Schmideo2

What adds to all of this is that they live a day's drive away from us, so there is the distance factor.

enoughisenough

sounds to me like they will all be biding their time until she is 18 ( unless her family goes ahead and kicks her out for good.)

here is a story about abuse in a witness home. The dad was an Elder. There were 2 children in the home. The Family took in foster children through the welfare system temporarily until more permanent placement for the fostered kids who were neglected or abused. So the boy knew the welfare would step in in cases of abuse...he went to the welfare and reported his parents for abuse and he was removed and allowed to go and live with his grandparents. He never returned to the family home. For years the grandparents weren't spoken to by this elder because they had allowed the son to live with them.

Biahi

Witnesses think they can treat their kids any way they want, for ‘righteousness’ sake. Hope this elder sees the inside of a jail for at least 6-12 months.

carla

Sorry to hear this, sounds like she is in a great home right now. You may not have to say a word about the jw stuff seeing as she is in a home with a youth minister!

TonusOH

I don't want to be seen as the guy who "turned her away".

I get the impression that, no matter what you do, you will be accused of helping her turn away. The family seems to want to protect the father and organization regardless of cost, including the truth. No matter how carefully you tread, they'll use you as an excuse. They'll use you to cover themselves and the organization and drag your name through the dirt.

I think you should help your niece in any way possible, and don't worry about giving your sister and her family any ammunition. Save that young lady.

hybridous

It sounds like you're riding that fine line with skill and precision. You'll need to continue to do so.

I'd let things unfold & continue to gather information. Continue to be available, not only to your niece, but also to your sister, who may at some point falter under the building pressure of the situation and open up to you.

If that happens, it would be preferable to have her speak to you as if you knew nothing.

If folks are going to lie, let them conjure up a doozie. The truth will be all the more effective when it comes out.

BluesBrother

I admire the way you have handled this Captain, and it seems your niece picked a good lad from a good home . It seems to be working out.

I wish you and her all the very best.

Diogenesister

Yes, well done for being there for your niece. Regarding your sister, I thought bearing false witness against someone was a serious sin in the Bible, you may want to gently raise that point with her? I don't envy you, that's for sure! Sounds like you're doing the best you can in a rotten situation all round. Watchtower encourages this sort of behaviour toward children - and the courts - so JWs will increasingly find themselves on the wrong side of the law.

Never thought I would see this in my family circle

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