wt quotes to laugh at

zev

i posted this on the aol boards....maybe you'll get a chuckle from these...

please do not be drinking or eating at your computer while reading these.

splatter against the screen is a pain to clean up.

ready?

here goes...1926 "Disease is caused by fermentation and heat .. not germs. It cannot be proven that any disease was caused by germs including so-called infectious diseases .. chicken pox and small pox." {GA Aug 25 1926 751/4} [The WTBTS position was that all scientists had got it completely the wrong way around - Diseases caused germs. No joke]

1926 God wears clothes {GA May 19 1926 534}

1926 The distance from the Society's printing press in Scranton, Pa to the bethel offices in Brooklyn, NY, using a ferry, with a Railway Guide (extract included) to prove the distance from Lackawanna station in Scranton to Hoboken Terminal in New Jersey, is the "exact distance" referred to in the Bible at Revelation 14:20 "And the winepress was trodden without the city, and blood came out of the winepress, even unto the horse bridles, by the space of a thousand and six hundred furlongs" {TFIM 230 1926 ed}

1927 "In the New World Abraham may be the ruler of New York City. Isaac may rule over Chicago and perhaps Jacob will be put in London. His father-in-law, Laban, was a diplomat.. Shortly we believe, Abraham will come forth from the grave.." {GA Oct 5 1927 26/29}

1926 "God may soon cause a comet to be captured by the Earth.. to bring about a radical change in earth's climatic conditions and transform the surface of our planet into a paradise, wherein disease and death will be no more." {GA Jun 16 1926 583}

1926 "Tonsillectomy is called a minor operation. If so, getting well is a double major. If any overzealous doctor condemns your tonsils go and commit suicide with a case-knife. It's cheaper and less painful." {GA Apr 7 1926 438}

1926 Flood may have been caused by all of the other planets being on one side of the earth simultaneously. God may have inserted the "youngest" planet Neptune on the other side to act as a gravitational corrective to make sure it cannot happen again {GA Jun 16 1926 583}

1926 "Orientals are coolies .. cutthroats and murderers" {GA Mar 10 1926 374}

drwtsn32

1926 God wears clothes

Good! I wouldn't want to be smitten by a naked god.

1926 "God may soon cause a comet to be captured by the Earth.. to bring about a radical change in earth's climatic conditions and transform the surface of our planet into a paradise, wherein disease and death will be no more."

Well I hope the temperature of the earth won't increase...cause heat causes disease.

1926 "Tonsillectomy is called a minor operation. If so, getting well is a double major. If any overzealous doctor condemns your tonsils go and commit suicide with a case-knife. It's cheaper and less painful."

1926 Flood may have been caused by all of the other planets being on one side of the earth simultaneously. God may have inserted the "youngest" planet Neptune on the other side to act as a gravitational corrective to make sure it cannot happen again

Gee, that makes so much sense.... Neptune is in fact only about 4500 years old. Plus its gravitational effect is so much stronger than the moon's.

It's a shame that these quotes aren't on the WT CD-ROM...

Gopher

Wow. They're bad at prophecy, bad at science, and bad at social relations.

Even though the publications might not be quite so bizarre these days, I'm sure people will still get a kick out of 2003 publications about 50 years from now. The JW's then will say, "look at that old light they had at the beginning of the 21st century!!"

"Orientals are coolies .. cutthroats and murderers" {GA Mar 10 1926 374}

Do you suppose the J-dubs would have had such rapid growth in post-world war II Japan if their potential converts would have read this crap published only about 20 years previously??

stillajwexelder

Millions now living will never die is another one

willyloman

They're bad at prophecy, bad at science, and bad at social relations.

Yeah, but they're good at everything else.

garybuss

"The blood in any person is in reality the person himself. ... poisons
due to personal living, eating and drinking habits ... The poisons
that produce the impulse to commit suicide, murder, or steal are in
the blood. Moral insanity, sexual perversions, repression,
inferiority complexes, petty crimes - these often follow in the
wake of blood transfusion." Watchtower 9/15/61 page 564

garybuss

*** w93 8/1 27-8 Jehovah Remembers the Sick and the Elderly ***
"The sick and the elderly will at times find it hard to hide their
frustration. Many have cherished their hope of living to survive the great
tribulation, and now they feel caught up in a race with time, a race that
they do not feel sure they will win."

"So, heavy drinkers do not qualify for special service privileges."
Proclaimers P.182

Also, we must not only publish books about or in explanation of the Bible; we must also help the Bible readers to understand these Bible-explaining books, (The Watchtower Nov. 15, 1961 p.694)

The Society says that children should be taken to the congregational meetings because the Bible says so.
(The Watchtower July 1, 1952 p.414)

From four to six quarts of warm water injected into the colon is what constitutes an internal bath. It should be taken every
day for at least six months...(Golden Age, 3/31/1920 p.437-8)

Discipline that exceeds reasonable limits or that goes beyond the intended purpose of correcting and teaching surely is exasperating. (Knowledge, p.148)

True, almost all children will at first chafe at discipline. (Knowledge, p.148)

(The Watchtower, Jan. 15,1952 p.63-4)

"Many who had hoped to be among the 'millions' who would never die have indeed died." (The Watchtower, Feb. 15, 1995, p.9)

"All of us are aging, and life's end is approaching. That is not fatalistic. Dying is a fact of life." (Save Life WTBTS 1990 p.23)

"Some persons living in A.D. 1914 when the series of fortold events began will also be living when the series ends with Armageddon." _The Watchtower_ 1 Sept. 1952, p543.

"Stop chewing food as you need the saliva for your food." ? The Golden Age, Nov. 12, 1929, p. 107.

It is wise to avoid making purchases from or employing the services of individuals or businesses known to be illegal in their operation. (Pay Attention, p.137)

Normally, a close relative would not be disfellowshipped for associating with a disfellowshipped person unless there
is spiritual association or an effort made to justify or excuse the wrongful course. (Pay Attention UNIT 5 (a) p. 103)

"A report from one European country indicates that at times some brothers and sisters arrive at the Kingdom Hall with a strong smell of alcohol on their breath." (The Watchtower Dec. 15, 1996, p. 29)

"In many lands Kingdom Halls are filled to capacity for these meetings. Yet in a number of countries, meeting attendance has declined. Why, do you think?" (The Watchtower, Dec. 15, 1996, p. 15)

"Note: Reports have been received where elders have revealed confidential matters to their wives or others in
the congregation." (Pay Attention 1977 p.65)

"Sadly, in recent times it has been necessary to disfellowship tens of thousands of unrepentant wrongdoers each year. Prominent elders have been included among them." (Proclaimers, WTBTS 1993, p. 187)

"A large percentage of the publishers in the Christian congregation are under 20 years of age." (Our Kingdom Ministry, Oct. 1979, p.1)

SpunkyChick

1926 "Tonsillectomy is called a minor operation. If so, getting well is a double major. If any overzealous doctor condemns your tonsils go and commit suicide with a case-knife. It's cheaper and less painful." {GA Apr 7 1926 438}

LMAO, thank Je-hover I wasn't born in 1926. My religion would have encouraged the termination of my life with a case-knife. LMAO!

got my forty homey?

I remember this quote, and I use to wonder what stupidity! How can blood carry a persons personality or habits. How about blood substitutes which may contain blood from dozens of donors because certain parts are extracted?

And I know the bible says that blood is sacred to God, when an animal was killed the blood was spilled to the ground, but how about if a live human donates blood and remains alive, or a person who may need blood to remain alive?

I've never understood the blood issue but when I was a active witness I would never ask any questions like these fearing reprisals, namely getting locked in a closet with a elderly witness having to listen to thier record playing witnessing days!

Oxnard Hamster

1926 "Tonsillectomy is called a minor operation. If so, getting well is a double major. If any overzealous doctor condemns your tonsils go and commit suicide with a case-knife. It's cheaper and less painful." {GA Apr 7 1926 438}

But isn't suicide a sin? It is in most religions. Besides, wouldn't the law "thou shall not kill" apply to yourself?

It sickens me how the ~~Witchtower Bible Trick Society~~ faithful and discreet slave class acts like their laws supercede whatever is in the Bible. Totally disgusting. I'm beginning to hate these people with a passion.

wt quotes to laugh at

Share this