At this point and time, with being so concerned about what your mother might think, and the fact that you aren't quite ready to push the "exit" button, you can do what I did for awhile. Once I realized that I was going to have to live a lie, I knew the minute I was assigned a talk that I would NOT be doing the Ministry School thing. I didn't worry about it too much because they usually give you lots of notice, but then as it would get closer I would get very nervous. I was not a person who told untruths. I was missing many meetings anyway, due to my "job" and "family responsibilities", "lack of transportation" and to "illnesss", so I would just alternate which excuse I used and in my mind I felt this was not a bad thing to do, as it hurt less people.
In the end as my excuses were way too obvious, I just did not show up when I was assigned. It was cowardly of me. I knew they had to get some "pioneer" or other qualified person to fill in for me and I really felt guilty. But, even guilt could not make me go. After I had done this about three times, one of the nicer elders simply took me aside after a meeting and kindly "suggested" that I should remove myself from MS until I could get my personal life straightened out, which I promptly did.
Of course I was labeled, but I had already been labeled as "weak" anyway. Here I was, this young woman who was once been such a shinning example of what youths should strive for. I was very "strong" in the truth from age 14 until around 19. I even Pioneered, served at the assemblies in various capacities. Then I made a mistake and fell in love with someone "worldly", got married and had a child. Of course I was honest about everything, told the elders, but they df'd me anyway. They wanted to use me as an example. Even though I had been reinstated later on, things were never the same.
Now here I was, in their eyes, someone unworthy to associate with because I still asked too many questions. Why couldn't I just "accept" and keep my mouth shut? Well, being in this condition got me off the hook, but upset my mom terribly and that was the one person that I hated to disappoint. She always took our decisions very personally, and she felt this reflected on her abilities, etc. Little by little, the final exit door was getting closer and closer, and finally I went through it. It felt great and was the right decision for me. Trying to stay "in" to remain connected to friends and family wasn't working because I wasn't being true to my heart. At age 36, it was time for me to find my own self.I had played that game for a very long time, and when I finally made the decision to leave in every sense of the word, I felt finally free. It cost me a lot, but in the end, it was so worth it.
...even call the doctor.....