Help! Please! My sister finds loophole...

FlyingHighNow

This past July, my only sister decided I was an apostate. She contacted my former cong. and spoke to the elders.

She decided that, though I am not dfd, until she receives a letter from the elder body in my old cong telling her that I have set matters straight with them, she is not going to speak to me again.

I've spent 4 1/2 months learning to accept this. Then today my daughter forwards me an e-mail from my sister to her that says:

...About **** and keeping her abreast of his outcome and
progress. This is like a family emergency and we can have
contact under those circumstances. You can
tell your momma about ****-she helped to take care of him
for a whole year when she was 11 and he was from 8 months
to 18 months old. If she wants me to have a number and
call her I will just talking her to about him

What is the point of talking to me if she must limit the call to the subject of my nephew?

I don't know whether I should speak with her on the phone or not. I feel like her being cool to me and only speaking about my nephew will be demeaning and depressing. I feel like I am a good person and I don't deserve to be treated like I am an untouchable.

She probably realizes that she will never get to speak to me again unless someone is gravely ill or dying. It seems to me like she is jumping at the chance to talk to me and not be punished for it. I always said this shunning business was going to hurt her more than me.

I'm just very confused about what to do. Anyone been in this situation? Anyone have any suggestions?

I don't know what to say to her.

Thank you for reading this far. I appreciate any kind and helpful points in the right direction of understanding how to handle this situation.

Regards,

Heather

Edited: to condense and lighten this up.

Gopher

My parents have shunned me too, refusing even to give me an update when I simply asked "please tell me how you are doing".

But they did say "we are here to help you in a dire emergency". Whatever. (Sounds like the same loophole your sister is using.) I think I'll ask people who are closer and less "sticky to deal with" to help if needed.

In your situation, follow your heart. You say your sister has written cruel e-mails and even now only speaks to you through e-mails to your daughter. She may be facing an internal struggle between her unique style of showing you "love" and her "faith". Bottom line though, she's not treating you very kindly.

If you have the strength and persistence to rise above all that and feel like you want to, then do it. If other things in your life deserve more of your energy and attention, then don't.

My two cents.

FlyingHighNow

Thank you, Gopher. I thought my post sounded so critical and was so long winded that no one was going to respond to it. I went back and edited a lot of it out. Then I found your comments. Again, thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts. Thank you for taking the time to read that loooong post and taking the time to respond.

Heather

morty

((((((((flyhighnow))))))))

thinking of you at this insane time...when they will get it, is beyond me...

morty

gumby

This past July, my only sister decided I was an apostate. She contacted my former cong. and spoke to the elders. She decided that, though I am not dfd, until she receives a letter from the elder body in my old cong telling her that I have set matters straight with them, she is not going to speak to me again.
I've spent 4 1/2 months learning to accept this

Strange indeed.

Why would your sister think she would get a letter from the elders? It doesn't happen that way.

First of all, you would be talked to by which ever elder body handled this matter....either in your former cong, or the new one.....depending on your situation which I'm not familiar with. If it became a judicial matter.......which it no doubt would if you admitted you wanted no part of dub life......,a decision would be made as to your standing, and that is how your sister would learn of how to view you.......by an announcment at the hall along with everyone else.

It sounds as though your sister recieved instructions from the elders when she called, telling her to stay away from you if you were talking or acting like an apostate and were a spiritual danger.

You say it has been 4 and a half months you have been dealing with this ......and nobody has contacted you on the matter yet? No elders have tried to contact you?

Gumby

hornetsnest

Hi, Heather,

Keep your chin up. You're not the one doing anything wrong.

It's been about 16 years now since I was DFed for something I didn't do. This is a fact that is known by my entire family, the elders, and even higher-ups, and they've admitted it. However, they aren't allowed to acknowledge it officially, which means that they want me to pretend to be "repentant" so that they can pretend to be "forgiving". Bull.

As I've told them very pointedly, repeatedly, and publically, if they can't even exercise justice when they realize that they are wrong, then any claim they may make to being Christian is a laughable joke. They crapped their own bed --- they can now blame well lay in it. I'm not about to bail them out.

It looks to me like your sister is a prime candidate for the same treatment. In reality, she needs to be disfellowshipped for running ahead of the congregation in "disfellowshipping" you! What arrogance!

How I'd love to see her face if you countered with that statement! LOL!

LoneWolf

Panda

Obviously your sister wants to talk to you. She has realized that the separation is too painful. She will use whatever loophole she can (and remain a JW) to be in contact w/you. So it's up to you. I think this may be a real up and down relationship as long as she's a Jdub. But again maybe just a little information now and again won't kill either one of you --- IMO

blondie

She decided that, though I am not dfd, until she receives a letter from the elder body in my old cong telling her that I have set matters straight with them, she is not going to speak to me again.

Just to emphasize that FlyingHighNow is not dfd. This puts a very different spin on the shunning. It is likely that if the elders felt she has said or done something apostate they would have dfd her (of course there is always a small chance they might not have).

It sounds to me Flying that she has made her own judgment to avoid you because you are inactive. I agree with Gumby that the elders will not be sending her a letter confirming your "good" status in the congregation. It doesn't work that way. She may be jerking your chain by saying that too.

I personally wouldn't tell her anything about your son. If she won't talk to you, she shouldn't talk to you period. Tell her if some emergency comes up with your son you will tell her then. It sounds like she talks to your daughter (does she live at home). Either way be sure your daughter doesn't talk to your sister about your personal business. It sounds like your sister wants to get infomation about your family in a way that benefits herself and not you. Pretty selfish.

James 2:13--- For the one that does not practice mercy will have [his] judgment without mercy. Mercy exults triumphantly over judgment.

Blondie

Wolfgirl

My sister has done the same thing to me. She sent me an email saying she would only contact me in cases of family emergencies or important health matters, etc. She then didn't bother to tell me either time my grandmother had a stroke. One of them I found out about only a week later, after my gran had been released from hospital, and only because my gran (non-JW) rang me to tell me.

She then said she wouldn't even do that much anymore, and that my parents would send me a letter (they don't use the Internet, not even email) if anything important came up. Again, no letters or notifications even after serious health issues.

Last email I received from my sister was quite nasty, and she accused me of not treating her like a human being, which I found rather ironic.

Sorry you're going through the same nonsense.

garybuss

I have notified Witnesses that if they started to shun me, it will be forever. They may have started it, but I get to end it, and I won't. I don't want them in my life. They are not welcome. I am disappointed in them as humans. They are not good enough for me. GaryB

Help! Please! My sister finds loophole...

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