I am trying to help someone and need some advice. When I left the jw's, I was one of the fortunate ones in that I was never shunned. My family has unconditional love for all their kids which seems to be a hard concept for a lot of active jw's to grasp.
Here is a brief summary of the situation this person is in. Her father is an elder and her mom is a pioneer. She has 2 brothers who are ministarial servants.An ideal family right? LOL
Then, there is her. She (being such a wicked rebel) disassociated herself at 21. Her parents gave no understanding and did not attend her wedding. She is wondering what can be done? She is also seeing a therapist. Being the holidays makes for an extra stressful time. Any advice or success stories please??
Also, hasn't the GB changed the rules before in regards to being able to talk to family who are df'd or da'd? If so, would anyone know the reference? Thanks.
if you are dfd or da'd and you are no longer living at home, the family is supposed to shun you. They are only supposed to have contact with you in emergency situations.. that is it.
She is doing the only thing that will help, the therapist. If her family never sees the fallacy of the organization they will continue to treat her this way. But with time and with the therapy she will see that she can have closer family that will love her unconditionally that are not related by blood but by spirit and soul. I know that may sound trite and it probably doesn't help too much in the moment, but for so many of us this is what we have experienced.
Seeing a counsellor is an excellent step. Next she needs to get a new family. Seriously, we have made some really good friends since we left the congregation. Some of these people (ex-dubs and never have beens) are becoming like family. Seek out places to meet people with similar interests. Take some classes, ones with lots of group activities, join a book club, etc for people with common interested. Go to some xjw meetups to find people to commiserate and listen.
It's almost earthshattering to an exiting JW to learn that there are people who decide whether or not they like you, based on your personality, rather than profession of a particular doctrine. At least it was for me. I'm having a hard time adjusting to wysiwyg. But it's been great.
Does she come to this board?............I know for many, the knowledge that you are not alone with it all helps alot, maybe bring her along here so we can give her a huge welcome
She can still appeal to her family's sense of... well, Family and just drop them a line (telephone) or write a letter occasionally. I'm sure her letters will be read regardless of the 'rules'. Anyway, she shouldn't rant about JW's or take any jabs, just let them know what she's up to, how she thinks about them - happy stuff. She should take the 'high road' and express unconditional love for them regardless of their WT inspired shunning. I think in time things could soften. I think JW's in general are not so quick to hang on every word from 'the Society'. Heck
I make it a point never to call my family if I'm in a foul mood. I try to convey just how happy I am despite not hawkin mags and makin meetings (which is terrifically easy). It's about the best you can do.
Here is a little bit of a post from another board. I just copied the Part that has the source material. The rest of the post is interesting to read.
The Elder manual, "Pay Attention to Yourselves and to All the Flock", coded ks-91E, published by the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society of New York, Inc., in Unit 5(a), "Overseers 'Ruling for Justice Itself', under the sub-heading "Proper View of Disfellowshipped and Disassociated Persons, the bolded lead-in sentance says, "The principle set forth in Jesus' words at Matthew 10:34-38 has a bearing on situations involving disfellowshipped or disassociated relatives," then goes on to state in the last paragraph of Page 103: "Normally, a close relative would not be disfellowshipped for associating with a disfellowshipped person unless there is spiritual association of an effort made to justify or excuse the wrongful course."
There is very little if anything that she can do TO CHANGE THEM , but she can and MUST change HERSELF-
she must start to build a new clientle of family and friends, will her family change perhaps oneday,. BUT IN THE MEANTIME she must work toward living her life, never giving up hope on them BUT NEVER HOLDING HER BREATH waiting for them for she will DIE!!!!
she has already started to take the right steps
refer her to this site or others, better yet, why not take this conversation OFF LINE, and call up some of the poster here, have her talk to some of the posters here offline, trust me YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE HOW IT WILL HELP HER
"Normally, a close relative would not be disfellowshipped for associating with a disfellowshipped person unless there is spiritual association of an effort made to justify or excuse the wrongful course."
Then tell me why my father, who is an elder and has been to every elder school they've ever had, continues to ignore my request for basic communication such as "how are you?" . It must be because they have one rule they discuss among themselves, and another (stricter) one that they publish for their rank-and-file (such as the August 2002 Kingdom Ministry insert). I too have been told my JW parents will only allow contact in a "dire emergency".
