My wife stole my books!!!!

by dmouse 44 Replies latest jw friends

  • marriedtodamob
    marriedtodamob

    Oh dear dmouse...so very sorry you are going through this hell!

    From my hellish experience in divorce, I agree wholeheartedly with simplesally's post to "get your ducks in a row" especially financial!!!

    Do you have any JOINT accounts? Credit cards, etc.? Time to remove her name on anything that is joint NOW. If not, good!

    Vehicle titles, insurance policies, etc. ad nauseum. Sorry buddy-but it sounds like it's time to take action and really protect you and your own best interests, and when it comes to $, you CAN prepare.

    I am not nor ever have been a JW, and I have "apostate materials" (much like the what you had in your house) in my home. My JW hubby has his own book shelf in his closet in a second bedroom. Although I have wanted to burn the entire contents of it, I would never do that or remove any of his WTS materials. They are HIS and we both thankfully still have enough respect not to do something like that to one another.

    BTW, when he first told me that he was going back to get reinstated, I put him on the couch for a few nights, and then told him I could not do that as it was HIS bed too. If one or the other spouse is out of the bed, they are soon out in another room, then very soon out of the HOUSE.

    Whatever you do dmouse, TRY NOT TO TOUCH OR THREATEN HER EVEN IF SHE PROVOKES YOU. Self control is your greatest weapon friend! She could slap a restraining order on you in a heartbeat, and you won't be able to get most of your things out of the house at all ( depending on the state).

    Sorry to sound so morose, but been there, done that, threw away the T-shirt!

    Prayerfully, mobbie

  • dmouse
    dmouse

    I did go to see my lawyer yesterday. He told me a lot about technical issues, for example if I leave the house it does not mean that I relinquish my possessions, or rights to a share in the equity of the house. It's difficult to take it all in at the moment as I'm working in a stressful job and trying to cope with all this crap as well, I'm finding it difficult to think straight and my emotions are on a rollercoaster.

    I am getting lots of conflicting advice, both here and from family and friends. Whilst it is confusing it does provide me with ideas and options.

    My immediate concern is stopping her from giving up her job. That would be catastrophic for our finances...the fraction she does pay into the household, if I became responsible for it, would push us over the edge into an uncontrollable downward spiral of debt.

    How do I do that? So far I have tolerated much for the sake of the children, but this is the last straw. Tomorrow I intend to inform her that if she does give up her job I will leave, immediately, and I will transfer ALL utility bills over to her. I would prefer that the children stay in the house (unless I discover she continues to neglect them) - the State in the UK is pretty good and will provide considerable support.

    If she sees sense and does not give up her job then I may contact the elders, in writing, informing them of the unscriptural behaviour of one of their members. The accusation of 'bringing Jehovah's name into disrepute' can act as a powerful catalyst in the JW hierarchy. Scriptural principles such as 'respect for headship' (I don't believe that nonsense but they do) 'marital due', 'if someone doesn't want to work then neither let them eat', 'Christian kindness, honesty, reasonableness' etc. The purpose of this, even at this late stage, is to try and patch things up to the extent that life is tolerable for both of us. I am prepared to put my life on hold for the sake of the children (my youngest is 12). When they are all past 16 then we can decide what to do then.

    But I have no real hope that it will work.

    L8r dudes,

    Dean

  • wednesday
    wednesday

    Dean,

    just do what your lawyer say, forget us. I don't live in UK so don't know the laws. Might be good idea to make your lawyer aware of the pamplet the jws have put out on how to win child custody cases. It might help him. Good idea to reort her to the elders , but they may throw a monkey wrench in your plans by saying it is a mans job to support the wife. (such is their thinking). Sounds like u might not be wanting custody, just trying to make sure kids are safe. U must decide when this has become too stressful and move out. (can't risk losing your job) If u follow your lwayers advice all should be ok. Sending u good karma. weds

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    Believe me, if she does quit her job, nothing would please me more than to throw her out onto the mercy of the WBTS (who of course would look after her in her tribulation!)

    This was stated by someone before this ( cant remember who. sorry) But I was a Fully fledged JW My hubby wasnt ..I had a very big operation( ulcers) We were very broke - the WT did nothing for me. I went out cleaning 8 days after my operation to get money!!! Then when my hubby died( & I had no insurance because the end was near ) I was destitute-They did nothing for me again!!!! Oh yes I lie!!!! they did!!! They gave me the greatest gift I ever got in my whole life ( I didnt know it at the time though) THEY KICKED ME OUT!!!!!!!!I got FREEDOM!!!! Broke but FREE!!!! PTL....

  • LittleToe
    LittleToe

    Good advice from La Capra, though you may want to take a close look at Brit law.

    You have my sympathy pal. It's always harder when kids are involved, which is why I could it a blessing to have none, much as I love kids.

    Give me a call sometime, huh?

    Cheers,

    Ross.

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