It has almost been 2 years since I d/a myself and walked away from a life time of being a JW.
It has not been an easy road,,,,,the first several months were terrifiying , confusing, emotions going back and forth on weither I was doing the right thing. A year after leaving, I just didnt care anymore , but still felt like I was an ex jw. I still feel that way to a small degree but I dont think of it everyday and I feel that I have really moved on.
With all the celebrations of life,,,,,,birthdays, Xmas,,,,glowing tree and all,,,,, I feel almost normal, as normal as anyone can be I guess. A part of me will always be bitter of the youth , the opportunities lost while I was younger and stuck in that horrible cult. I really try to be postive and let the past be just that the past.
I try to keep in mind that my life is what I make it, and that I am still young enough to make my life fuller and more rewarding.
I am very involved in my childrens education, their sports, and just trying to teach them to be good people and open minded. That is a big job and takes up alot of time, but it is very rewarding. My oldest son,,,,who has just been in school for 2 years, ( he was home schooled) is a Sophomore , and was awarded yesterday with All District Defensive Back in football, and All District Honoray in Academics . So I am just delighted that my kids are having the life that I didnt get. There are going to be so many opportunities for them and that is a joy to be a part of.
Sometimes I feel that I am at a strange crossroads in my life right now. Maybe it is the calm , peaceful feeling I have now. I am not sure what the next year is going to bring. I am not scared of that but it is strange in that I am not really worrying about the past as much as I used to and I am not worrying about what the future holds in a negative way as I used to.
I guess it is exciting to live for the day,,,,,,,enjoying life and soaking it all in, something I never did as a JW. I was always going thru the motions of life, putting things on hold, or waiting for the "new world" to take care of things, instead of ME taking care of things.
These last two years have been two great years of growth,,,, sometimes it has been painful , but it has been a journey of self discovery, and one that is moving forward , not stagnant, so mostly it has been great.
It feels so good to really be alive and I want to thank all of you here who have been on this journey with me,,,,,sharing your journey as well.
Merry Xmas to all of you and may our next years together be ones of moving on and finding happiness and peace................all my love , Dede