by caves 15 Replies latest social entertainment
I find that the people here speak in a way I can understand because we have one thing in common if nothing else.
So My question is , Would it be easier to date someone that has been a jw and woke up or not?
I would love for someone to 'get it' without having to explain much.
What are your thoughts?
I was attending a business conference in Michigan recently and started a conversation with a lady who sat next to me at the hotel bar. Somehow the conversation turned and I commented about being raised a JW. Found out she was also a born in now out witness. There was a great connection and immediate bond. However it is somewhat artificial. We both were excited due to a shared upbringing but that is not the basis for a 'hook up" or relationship. It is an artificial connection.
It can be a good starting point but really shouldn't be the foundation of any kind of relationship beyond an acquaintance with a shared background. Anything more needs to be deeper.
Worked for me going on 12 years.
It depends on the person's view of the JWs. Have they completely moved on, or do they think it is the "truth"? A few years back my sister (she left the JWs as well), started to get interested in a guy. There was something about him that caused them to click. Then one day I got to meet him, and instantly I picked up from the way he was talking that he too was a former JW. I even asked him, and he said he was. So I asked him about his views on the JWs and the Watchtower. His response was that he still felt like the JWs were the truth, and eventually he was planning on going back. When my sister learned this (she was there for the conversation), she decided to break it off. She had no plans on ever going back, and she didn't want to be tied down to someone who was planning on going back.
Now on the other hand, if the other person feels the same as you, it can be a good thing. My husband and I both were raised in it since we were both 4 years old, both our parents became JWs for the same reason, that was to survive the end of this system of things back in 1975. In his heart, he never believed them, but got baptized because of peer pressure from everyone in his congregation, including his parents. We both officially left the organization at the same time, and I will say it was very nice to have someone close to me that I could talk to about my feelings, and he could do the same with me.
Uzzah-It can be a good starting point but really shouldn't be the foundation of any kind of relationship beyond an acquaintance with a shared background. Anything more needs to be deeper.
Agreed.
The girl next door- Congratulations. 12 years is most awesome.
Tameria2001- There was something about him that caused them to click.
In regards your sister dating that guy , its like the jw radar. There is a certain inflection in a jws voice when they are "mentally in" or fresh-ish out. Imo. Or perhaps its just me.
Tam2001-We both officially left the organization at the same time, and I will say it was very nice to have someone close to me that I could talk to about my feelings, and he could do the same with me.
This is what would seem nice to me. So when I talked about my past even in passing of time or pillow talk ect... idk , that's why I'm asking.
In truth, I am not looking for a relationship at this time, but this topic I would like input on and experiences. I don't think it solid foundation for building a relationship on ,but it doesn't seem to hurt at all. I'm super guarded (embarrassed and traumatized) in respect my jw life so I always wondered if that might help with feeling more comfortable.
It’s an underground language nobody understands unless they were there. Sure you can get by with someone who is clueless. Just keep it to yourself.
But in the most vulnerable moments of life, there is nothing like having someone look into your eyes who knows exactly what you are thinking. Without words you both just know. There is a blood bond. Because it felt like literally giving blood when trapped inside when you knew it was over.
Every challenge in life is weighed compared to the survival from a cult and the severe hurt experienced by loved ones shunning you.
When you both feel it, there is no need for descriptions. Large amounts of leeway are easy to oblige in the most tedious of moments. You survived trauma. Separately or together. You won. You share. You continue. You thrive.
A common denominator, that is strong enough to compel you to overcome and strive for happiness and success, is extremely powerful. Even in relationships that may not be a match made in heaven, debunking JW myths and cliches together is pretty damn euphoric.
Having someone who just gets it is remarkable, and I recommend it. Tackle your histories together and find comfort you understand a huge percentage of what’s going on in that other persons mind without a word!
caves- I totally understand how you feel super guarded, I am the same way. If it were not for my husband leaving when I did, say I did it on my own, I would be a total recluse, I'm not far from being that as it is now. It's something I've been working on, but after what I've been through, and I'm pretty sure that most who been in our shoes can and fully understand. My husband, on the other hand, he is a total social butterfly and makes friends easily.
How about this.....get away from this attachment to the JW's........ totally. It is a worthless religion with a worthless belief system. No one is interested in the JW life style.....if you are looking for a crutch then have at it....but understand you are still confused as to the true values of being in or apart of the JW world. Man up dude.
You've got to put on your big boy pants and forge through the wilderness in pursuit of who you really are and what you would like to accomplish in life. Move away....... clean up the JW's beliefs.......they are Jehovah nasty.
Start your real life do not continue with a make believe religion which is as crazy as crazy gets. A religion that has trained you to function in a world that will never be real.
You don't need to carry someone who has had the same beliefs and is still questioning.
You need to hook up with a person who is ready to meet and challenge life.
Hey Uzzah,
was she a looker ? :)
TGND.
jokes aside. Knowing what you have left your special bond- girl you are 105% spot on. Its because i have been 'in' and know the guile and language traps i was able to 'translate' the waffling and slithering of the elders at the CARC to the counselors there when they could not see 'it' until i revealed ..'it'.
There are no guarantees in this life that dating a former jw who is awake or not awake-or dating a never been a jw is going to work out. In the congregation I used to go to, there were people who were married to unbelievers for fifty years and seem to be happy, then there were jws who married jws and were divorced within a few years. And there were jws who had been married to jws for fifty years also and were happy. Then I was reading not to long ago that Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have never married but have lived together for over 35 years.
More than anything, I think it has to do with a person finally getting to a point where they learn how to love and treat another person. If both of them are there at that point, it will work no matter what the other person believes. That's just life.
