how is your self confidence?

freelife

One of the things that i have noticed since i have been out of the borg is how my self confidence always seems to be in the dumper. I don't know if this is beause we were never permited to have any original thoughts or if it is just a personality flaw. I am always looking for assurance from my fiancee, friends, and coworkers that i am doing good. I hate to have anyone get mad, i always end up giving in to other peoples demands on me. it takes a lot out of me to stand up for what i think is right in my own mind, and so many people take advantage of me i can't say no. I think the only person i can be completely honest about my feelings with is my fiancee. I know that no matter what i feel i can share it with her.

My other question is do you feel too trusting at times? trust is also a very big issue with me. i am very over trusting and i get taken advantag of. i think it is all the programing we have recieved.

nicolaou

Hang in there buddy.

Leaving the Watchtower affects people in different ways as there are so many factors involved. Were you brought in as an adult study? Were you 'raised in the Truth'? Are your parents and siblings still in? It'll take a while but as you start to get your feelings sorted out your confidence will return. One tip, ask questions - lots of them! The more you learn the more assured you will be that you made the right decision to leave.

All the best,

Nic'

seattleniceguy

Hi Freelife,

I understand where you're coming from. So much of our identity is tied up in roles that when you take the role away, sometimes we don't know who we really are. When I left the organization in September, I was hit hard. I didn't know what my long-term goals were. I didn't know what my real interests were. I felt unmotivated to work. It was rough.

For me, reading helped. But also being around friends that affirmed the things that I used to think about myself - that i was a good guy, that I did have things to offer - got me back on track. It was also helpful to connect with the community by volunteering and talking with my neighbors. I've actually started hanging out with my neighbor across the street almost every day now. It's wonderful to have that kind of friendship right in your local area. Those kind of connections make you realize that you are valued as a person.

It's a tough road. You've certainly got my moral support. Keep that chin up, Freelife!

SNG

Maverick

Hell man! Your 26 and were a dud...what have you done in life! Some people by your age have been all over the world, or made the pros, or own a business. Others are still living at home under Mommy 's apron! I have seen one of two extremes with young men. They think they know and can do everything or they think they can't do anything. This too will pass. Life will fix this...trust me! Do you have a trusted, older male friend or relative that can offer you a little guidance and encouragement? Get out live your life and keep your heart and mind open. Enjoy being young..for this TOO will pass! Trust me! Maverick

Satans little helper

I know where you're coming from, for a long time I felt like nobody liked me because all of my 'friends' who were dubs had disowned me and I knew very few people that I had anything in common with. I still find it difficult to do smalltalk at times with people I don't feel totally comfotable with. Things change, my wife has done wonders for my self esteem - often with a 'don't be so friggin stupid, you're a great bloke' type comments. You will get through it, just be open with your fiancee

Sirona

Freelife,

I've had some of the same problems, I constantly need reassurance from others. If I don't get any acknowledgement, I always think the worst. I suppose where I'm different from you is I don't let others walk all over me that much, I'm the opposite, I don't let others get close enough to hurt me. And if they do get close, I'm ultra defensive. I'm the woman the shopkeepers fear - if there is any sort of injustice I'm the one who stands there and demands that something is done about it. Just the other day I argued with someone in a shop about an extra charge which wasn't fair, and threatened to take action....blah blah ....this can be OK but mostly I come across as a nasty bitch. I think the reason I do this is because I feel I have to be hard to stop people doing me wrong. Plus, I'm damned good at verbal arguments.

Sirona

stillajwexelder

Mine is Sky-high -- always has been -- personalitry flaw I think -- over-confidence is a bad thing

pandora

Well, I'm sure you can tell you are not alone in your problems. I just wanted to chime in a little.

I have been out for a very long time. But a lot of that time was spent believing that I had left 'the truth'. Therefore my self confidence was in the crapper because I just knew that I had done 'wrong'. It's how we are programmed.

I have noticed, since I found this place and the truth about 'the truth', that my self confidence definately went up. It is still not the greatest, and I realize it is a problem that takes time to fix. It doesn't happen overnight or over just one year. It takes many. I am beginning to figure out that I don't deserve to be walked on. It CAN be fixed, but it takes a lot of time.

Give it time. Once you realize that it is something you need to be conscious of and work on, it will work itself out.

-P(J)

Carmel

So Freelife,

Do I take it that your moniker is wistful thinking? Doesn't sound like you're really free yet. I guess I never felt the way you do as I was always asertive and came across pretty cock sure, even though I freely admitted that I had no belief system to replace the cult indoctrination. Sorry, I can't advise you of any strategies to overcome the self-doubt other than perhaps setting down and writing out what your core values are, regardless of what doctrinal baggage you still have from the witlesses. Once you have that to build on, its easier to say what you want out of life, how you want to go about achieving it and where you are willing to be flexible and willing to change. You will have to change! There's no two ways about it! Now that your life is not programed for you, you are the programer and need to make some affirmations and face life as a thrilling process.

Best of luck and may you be strong and vigilant.

carmel

seattleniceguy

Speaking of core values, you might find it interesting to read some books on philosophy and ethics. After all, our values (even the ones we did not receive from the Witnesses) are sometimes based on false premises. An intelligent discussion of what values are and how you can choose them can be a good place to rebuild yourself. I think that knowing that you believe things for a good reason is very important for self-confidence.

SNG

how is your self confidence?

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