(((((((((LuckyNun)))))))))
I am so sorry that you feel this way........
It will get better....How long have you been put? Or are you doing the fading thing??
I can tell you from experience, that the first Christmas is and was the hardest for me.Having said that though, it was also my start of my new traditions....Try starting something special for you and your boys....Maybe x-mas eve,try making a gingerbread house all together..
Stick around here for a while, maybe after you get comfortable here, you can start attending gatherings with people from your area...They are a excellent way to make new friends and most have a understanding of what you/we are going through...
Feel free to pm me if you wish to chat....I will gladly give you my e-mail addy as well....
Take-care and Merry Christmas to you and your boys!
Morty