a bizarre decision!!!

digderidoo

Hi guys...I just wanted to share with you all something that happened over the weekend, that i found really weird.

On Saturday I went to a cousins wedding.....we are quite a large extended family, not JW's(only my mom is a witness), so it was nice to be with the family on such special occasions.

Throughout the evening i sat down with a cousins husband, who i hadn't seen for about two years. We had a pint and he decided to get out a pack of cigars. Now these cigars were big fat ones (you know the Cuban type)...he lit up. I said to him that they smell nice....he offered me one.

Now then...dilemma.

I am not a smoker...but i have smoked the occasional cigarette when i'm out having a drink with friends. I've smoked the occasional cigar....which i enjoy, and from time to time i smoke a bit of weed (as some of you are aware, when i'm stoned in chat). Now here he was offering me a cigar and i really fancied one.

The dilemma.....my mom was there.

She has never saw me smoke, knows i've had the occasional smoke but never saw me.

I refused the cigar.

Later that evening i noticed one of my cousins...a 17 year old girl, sitting down on a table, with her mom having a cigarette.

Here I am 31, divorced, three children....my own apartment, my own business...worried about the attitude i would receive from my mom for smoking!...and there was my 17 year old cousin smoking in front of her mom without a care in the world.

How bizarre!!! Yet funny...

I did explain the situation to my mom afterwards....although she is a witness, we have a strong relationship, she can be openminded. She said she would have thought i was an idiot for smoking, although she wasn't being judgmental (yeah right).

Isn't it wierd how the 'truth' still affects decisions you make?

Yours dig

Think not about trying to add days to your life, but instead think about adding life to your days.

Gopher

Dig,

Thought I'd get in here before Fredhall throws you a one-liner!!

I've been out about a year, and found that old habits die hard too. For some reason, I just can't find it in me to celebrate birthdays and holidays, to drink any more than I did as a JW, or even to accept a smoke when all others around me are doing so (and I am passively inhaling as much as if I were smoking anyhow).

Perhaps your decision to not smoke the cigar in your mom's presence was a good tactical retreat. You showed her that you can control your decisions thoughtfully, even though you're not associated with "God's spirit-directed organization (TM)". Maybe in that way you'll be of assistance to her later if she ever has any leanings towards freeing herself of the JW's.

Gopher, enjoying the fresh air

Francois

Hmm. Sounds like passive-agressive behavior to me. And also that your mind continues to run in the channels carved out in it by association with the Borg.

Whenever I hear: "I'm not a judgemental person, but..." I know to hang on to my seat, cause a judgement is coming, and I'm going to have to whip out my Mt. 7:1.

Then the person will say, "But this is different, and besides..."

And it goes downhill from there.

I experienced the same thing you described. It wore off after a little while, when independant thinking had become more ingrained.

Best,
Francois

Mommie Dark

Dig said: "Isn't it wierd how the 'truth' still affects decisions you make?"

Isn't it weird how that guilt stays with us after we KNOW the truth about 'the truth'?

But please friends, never feel guilty or apologetic for keeping your moderate personal habits after deculting! If celebrating isn't your bag, don't let well-intentioned folks herd you into hearty partying. Do what you love. Just say no to the rest. You're free now; and that means free to be as quiet as you wanna be too!

Papa Dark and Bro would chide at your mama for denying the beneficial effects of a good cigar tho, especially at a wedding...

digderidoo

Don't get me wrong francoise, i do have independant thinking....i have left the WTBTS for many years...
I think however that it was more to do with being judged by my mom, rather than the societies views...
My mom has to come to terms with the fact that i am never going back...seeing me smoking would possibly upset her.
Yet i think that somehow anyone who has left the org, independent thinker or not, still makes the odd decision or still acts a way in certain circumstances that reflects their past.

Yours dig

Think not about trying to add days to your life, but instead think about adding life to your days.

digderidoo

Mommie dark,
Yes we are free, i hear you!!!
Shout it from the rooftops!!

Yours dig

Think not about trying to add days to your life, but instead think about adding life to your days.

slipnslidemaster

But please friends, never feel guilty or apologetic for keeping your moderate personal habits after deculting! If celebrating isn't your bag, don't let well-intentioned folks herd you into hearty partying. Do what you love. Just say no to the rest. You're free now; and that means free to be as quiet as you wanna be too!

Mommie Dark, what a kind and enlightened thing to say. I'm going to take that to heart because I still have trouble celebrating things. So maybe I will be quiet for a while and warm up to it.

Slipnslidemaster: Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

LDH

Poor Dig. (I also had a rather bizarre weekend, read my post).

I'm not much of a partier either, never into drugs or real heavy with alcohol. But Mommie Dark had good advice--if it's not your bag don't do it.

Even 'worldlings' don't regard puffing on an after dinner cigar once in a blue moon as smoking! Sheesh!

It is hard, I am so glad I don't live near my parents. Although they are coming to terms with me never going back, I don't want to have to alter my lifestyle so as not to rub it in their face about birthdays, school sports, etc.

peaceloveharmony

dig, i know what you are talking about. i still censor myself when i'm around my parents. i remember one time i was talking to my worldly aunt about a party, well, i mentioned it was a halloween party. my mother was in the room with us and i thought to myself "oh no, i let that slip in front of mom!" do'h!! i know i shouldn't care but the automatic feeling of guilt always creeps in.

i've noticed this phenomenon working in my boyfriend's family too. he was raised catholic and his mother is very devout. she still gives him a hard time if he doesn't shave before going over there for dinner!! and we can't swear (not even piddly swearing like damn, hell, ass) and we definately don't smoke when we are there (not even a sneak outside for a quick one like i do at my 'rents). thank god B's dad is a drinker lol

i guess for me, seeing this happen within a "worldly" family helped me to realize that this is more than a jw thing, that most families have these conflicts when kids turn out to be different than what their 'rents wanted. make sense? i do however, think it would be easier for my boyfriend to truly be himself around his family than it would be for me with mine.....

anyway, my 2 cents

love
harmony

"Power doesn't mean you're acting like a man, or you're a bully or a bitch. It's that you don't let people step on you"
-Sharon Monplaisir

bigboi

Hey Ridoo:

I just think you were showing respect to your mother that's all. The situation you're in is a complex one. I think there is a difference between flaunting newfound freedom and showing it. I personally think you made the right decision. If your mother shows respect and concern for you, then by all means show it back to her.

ONE....

Bigboi

"it ain't what ya do. it's how you do it" quote from the song "True Honeybunz" by Bahamadia

a bizarre decision!!!

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