California Earthquake usher's in Armageddon!!!

FreeWilly

Wow that was a strong quake - it shook my A$$ right outa bed! I frantically stumbled to the bookcase and grasped for one of the Watchtowers my mom sent me in the mail. It got really intense then, and when I looked down my hands were on C of C! The blood red letters were screaming at me and the sight of Ray Franze's name on the cover made me panic! Disgusted I threw the book across the roomed and knocked over the box that housed my old field service book bag. The contents spilled all over the floor. On my hands and knees I saw the field service records I had falsified to cover for the time I was at the Kid Rock concert. I rifled through the bag looking for something to highlight. I opened a thin red book and the scene of Armageddon nearly jumped off the page. I heard the house creaking and knew the Angel of death was hunting me down like the sick Aposto-dog that I am. I ran outside careful to avoid any of the 4 horseman making their rounds. To my extreme relief there was only the ice cream truck driver pulled off the side of the road smoking a joint. Birds were flying over head. I spied a chicken hawk with what looked like an intestine hanging from his beak grinning as he flew by. I swear a saw a couple of crow's giving me the evil eye as they circled about. I knew my time was short. Sobbing pathetically I threw all the money in my pockets into the street. Amazingly the Ice Cream truck driver opened the door, waved away the smoke and said "Wow dude.... was that coool or what"? He then picked up the money and tossed me a Superman pop. I greedily gobbled the treat knowing it would be my last Earthly delight. Then it began. A piercing pain was ripping apart my skull. In utter desperation I dropped to my knees and cried "Please Puulease Gawd noo...I repent, I repent"! Just then the neighbor kid came over and said " you gotta eat them slower mister, or you'll get a headache". In retrospect I think he was a Demon and distracted the Angel who was gripping my skull. I always knew that little bastard was evil. Anyway, the pain subsided and I made a break for it. I took off for the hills and found some rocks to hide me from the impending slaughter. Thank God I opted for the Mobile Email plan on my cell phone. I'm getting pretty good at typing with the number pad but my batteries are running low.

If I'm still here in the mourning I'm gonna try to sneak down to the local coffee shop at around 10 am and hook up with the pioneers. I'll just tell them I'm from a neighboring congregation doing some street witnessing when the big A struck. I still remember most of the lingo and I?m forging a blood card out of that Ice cream wrapper I saved. With any luck they will show me where that narrow twisty trail to the New System is. I?m pretty sure I can hop over the gate once I get there. If I only kept one of my ties ? damn! Oh well, I never did like fruit or farming, but I guess that?s better than a gut full of maggots. Plus I?ll be able to finally learn how to play a guitar or build that sailboat I daydreamed about during the public talk. Maybe I?ll volunteer for burial duty near the old video store so I can dig up a few porn DVD?s for when I?m sailing to Fiji. Wish me luck, this won?t be easy.

I'm not sure if there is anyone is left out there to read this. If so all I can say is WE SHOULD HAVE LISTENED!!!

Satanus

Merry christmas! Hohoho, that was funny.

SS

Gadget

LOL!

Fe2O3Girl

Such a clever post deserves more replies, even if it isn't on such enlightening themes as wet spots or sexual preferences.

Thanks, Willy, very good!

greven

LOL!

I am really curious what the JW's in your area thought when the quake hit!

Greven

Blueblades

Hi FREE,That is the mind - set of jw's.Every time some disaster happens,"Armageddon is Here!"Your post shows just how absurd the mind - set of the witnesses is.They do not think about those who are suffering from these disasters,only themselves wishing it was really Armageddon.

stillajwexelder

Brilliant post - I too though the witnesses would be loving the Californian quake yesterday -- unless of course it destroyed a kingdom hall.

Redneckgurl

That was AWESOME, you are very talented! Besides capturing what I think a lot of JW's were actually feeling, and feel everytime some calamity strikes, you made it entertaining as well! Please write more!

I had the same feeling while lying in my bed about 13 years ago, there was an underground explosion about 100 miles away that shook the mobile home I was living in with my ex-husband and my baby. The first thing I though was "this is it" and it scared the pants off of me! Well, that was 13 years ago, I am still here and happier than ever!

Krissy

RubyTuesday

Hilarious post...Willy!

I was in my office and a partition wall bumped me on the head(good thing I'm hard headed.)Going to go see Arnold in PR today...

SLOAN

LMAO!!!!!!! Merry Christmas Everyone!

California Earthquake usher's in Armageddon!!!

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