Every Afghan not Taliban liked
America a lot...
But Osama, who lived just north of
Kabul, Did NOT!
Osama hated America! And the whole
Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite
knows the reason.
It could be his head wasn't screwed on just right.
Or maybe he was still a virgin and his turban was too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that his dick was two sizes too small.
But, Whatever the reason, turban, small pecker, or no honey,
He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the West,
and their freedom and money.
Staring down from his cave with a fanatical frown
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.
For he knew every Woman down in Kabul now could read
And had GASP! jobs, which Allah said they didn't need.
"And they're not wearing burqas!" he snarled with a sneer,
"Christmas in my land! There's infidels here!"
Then he growled, with fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"
For,Tomorrow, he knew the Afghan girls and boys
Would wake bright and early to TV and toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Happiness! Noise!
That's one thing he hated!
The NOISE! HAPPINESS! NOISE!
Then the West and Middle East, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!
And they'd FEAST! FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They'd share their petroleum and modern technology
Which was something Osama couldn't stand in the least!
And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!
Every Afghan in Kabul, and every G.I.,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And then they'd start singing!
They'd sing! And they'd sing!
And they'd SING! SING! SING! SING!
And the more Osama thought of this Infidel-Christmas-Sing,
The more Osama thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"For years and years I've waged Jihad now"
"I MUST stop this Christmas from coming!
...But HOW?"
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
Osama GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" Osama laughed in his throat.
And he made a quick Santa Claus hat and a coat.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Jihad trick!"
"With this coat and this hat, I look just like that infidel Nick!"
"All I need is a reindeer..." Osama looked around.
But, no reindeer in the desert, there was none to be found.
Did that stop old Osama? No! Osama simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So he called his camel, Muhammed. Then he took some red thread
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.
THEN He loaded some bags And some old empty sacks
On a ramshackle sleigh And he hitched up old Muhammed.
Then Osama said, "Allah Ackbar!" And the sleigh started down
Toward the homes where the Afghans Lay a-snooze in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet sand filled the air.
All the kids were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
When he came to the first little house on the square.
"This is stop number one," the old Santa Bin Laden hissed
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.
Then he slid down the chimney. Not too tight a pinch.
Osama was skinny, the chimney was a cinch.
He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue
Where the little kids stockings all hung in a row. "These
stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and he took every present!
Gameboys! And Walkmans! Barbie Dolls! CD's!
Playstations! And videos! TV's! And PC's!
And he stuffed them in bags. Then Osama, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimbley!
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the dad's beer!
He took the jello pudding! He took the ice cream!
He cleaned out that icebox of enough food for a year.
Why, that jerk even took their stash of Jim Beam!
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned Osama, "I will stuff up the tree!"
And Osama grabbed the tree, and he started to push
When he heard a sound from behind that puckered his tush.
He turned around fast, and he saw guess Who?
George Bush two and an angry armed crew.
Osama had been caught by this infidel man
Who'd heard from a snitch of his nefarious plan.
He stared at Osama and said, "Hey You! Freeze!"
"Hands in the air! If you move you're swiss cheese!"
That old Osama wasn't so smart and so slick
The infidels had caught him and they'd caught him quick!
He stuttered and stammered, he begged and he pleaded,
He whined and he cried, and sobbed and entreated.
But Bush didn't buy it, he was in no mood to trifle!
And he and the soldiers raised their trusty rifles.
One fired then another, then three and four,
they emptied their magazines, then reloaded more.
And what happened then...
Well...in Kabul they say
That Osama bin Laden
got lead poisoning that day!
The end!
Merry Christmas y'all!!!
Mike.