lonely christmas

by maybesbabies 19 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  Eric

  Re-reading Mouthy's post, wiping away a tear.

  Maybesbabies,

  I had a break-up where I would have given anything to not think about her for fifteen solid minutes. It took time, nothing more than time and something close to deep feeling for someone else for that to fade.

  For a while I consigned any remaining feelings I had for her to be considered only at sunrise. This way I made time to respect her at a moment when I also needed to plan my day for other things and new things she didn't know of or need to know. Sounds stupid, I know.

  But it made space to start forgetting.

  And room for someone else to start to occupy my thoughts every fifteen minutes.

  I still select moments of choice sunrises to think of her, her hair across my shoulder, the spray of freckles across her cheeks, but it doesn't hurt anymore. More like appreciation for what we had, how good it was. Was.

  Yes, your wound is fresh right now, but it will heal. Trust me.

  Eric
• 

  outnfree

  Awww, (((( Eric)))), that was beautifully expressed!

  Maybes -- How did your day end up? Are you still with us and stronger for having endured? Now that you've gone through alone what many would consider the worst holiday to spend alone, do you FEEL THE STRENGTH you've gained just by surviving it?

  I hope so.

  outnfree (who just went through a very painful Christmas herself)
• 

  Yesterdays Child

  (((((maybes))))))))))) I didn't get to see ya berfore you left Hang in there Good times are around the corner. Dave
• 

  Xandria

  Remember T. did not put you first, I know you miss the feeling of having someone. Yet, remember all the pain, the entire trauma, and all the friction. You cannot change him

  Now, GO out with friends, keep busy and enjoy new experiences. I know the people you have around you are wonderful people. I know that meeting people from the board who live in the area will be helpful too. Staying at home, and torturing yourself about: Should have, could have and would have.. isn't going to help. Remember it takes two to have a discussion. He did not do it when you were there face to face. This back and forth, this tug a-war isn't doing your heart any good. Give it TIME sweetheart. It will get better.

  Love ya,

  X.

  This is from one of the songs I am sending.

  You could buy me diamonds, you could buy me pearls
  Take me on a cruise around the world
  Baby you know I'm worth it
  Dinner lit by candles, run my bubble bath
  Make love tenderly to last and last
  Baby you know I'm worth it
  
  Wanna please, wanna keep, wanna treat your woman right
  Not just told but to show that you know she is worth your time
  You will lose if you choose to refuse to put her first
  She will if she can't find a man who knows her worth, mhmn
  
  Cos a real man knows a real woman when he sees her
  And a real woman knows a real man ain't afraid to please her
  And a real woman knows a real man always comes first
  And a real man just can't deny a woman's worth
  
  If you treat me fairly I'll give you all my goods
  Treat you like a real woman should
  Baby I know you're worth it
  If you never play me, promise not to bluff
  I'll hold you down when shit gets rough
  Baby I know you're worth it
  
  She rolls the mile makes you smile all the while being true
  Don't take for granted the passion that she has for you
  You will lose if you choose to refuse to put her first
  She will if she can't find a man who knows her worth, oh
  
  Cuz a real man knows a real woman when he sees her
  And a real woman knows a real man ain't afraid to please her
  And a real woman knows a real man always comes first
  And a real man just can't deny a woman's worth
  
  No need to read between the lines, spell it out for you
  Just hear this song cuz you can't go wrong when you value
  A woman, woman, woman, a woman's worth
  
  Cuz a real man knows a real woman when he sees her
  And a real woman knows a real man ain't afraid to please her
  And a real woman knows a real man always comes first
  And a real man just can't deny a woman's worth
  
  Cuz a real man knows a real woman when he sees her
  And a real woman knows a real man ain't afraid to please her
  And a real woman knows a real man always comes first
  And a real man just can't deny a woman's worth.
• 

  Tatiana

  (((((((((((((maybe))))))))))))))

  Please listen to this good advice. I think asleif_dufansdottir knows me!!!!!! (red bold in quote mine)

  When you can't get along, which is what it sounds like your problem was? You get over them by getting married to them and having them get on your every nerve for several years til you hate their guts.

  I'm guessing that's not what you want to hear, but it's the best I can do. You already found out you don't get along. Concentrated pain of a breakup is better than protracted pain of staying together when your relationship makes you feel like you're bound together with razor wire...every move cuts both of you.

  Sorry, hun...the best I can say is try real hard to stop focusing on how much you miss him and any good qualities he had (you can remember the good stuff later, when you're over him). Focus on getting on with your life...even if it's "what am I going to fix for supper?" and "what will I watch on tv tonight?"

  I knew better, and yet I went back. I'm paying for it now because I'm not in a postion to leave, and he knows it! I am in hell. Planning my escape. But, it will take time and I don't know if I can last that long. DON'T remember the good times. That's easy to do. I forgot about all the verbal abuse when he was drinking, and now I'm paying for the lapse in memory.

  xandria...good song. I should have listened to it more.

  mouthy....you are a phenomenal woman!!!!! I'll listen to you any time, any day!
• 

  phil J

  Don't worry its not you...Ohio sucks the life out of all who it encounters! Had a lonely xmas myself, things will look up they have to. phil j (still in ohio)
• 

  maybesbabies

  ((drwatson)) Thanks, I think I missed the last Washington meet up, it would be very nice!

  ((Frantic)) thanks for your support, my best friends are what are keeping me sane right now!!!

  ((asleif)) You make an excellent point. I?m glad I tried the ?band aid? method, instead of dragging it out. It?s hard to let go, but it?s better than being miserable. Thank you.

  ((Guest77)) Thank you. I have a lot to learn still, but I hope this lesson, however painful, will help me grow.

  ((Lisa)) LOL! Thanks for the reality check, you are dead on! I was unhappy, and I need to remember that, instead of being nostalgic for the ?good times?. Thanks so much!

  ((Island Boy)) Thanks for your input! He?s actually a bit older than me, but that doesn?t mean anything. Who can know the minds of men?

  ((Babyface)) Thanks beautiful!

  (((((Mouthy))))) Your post brought tears to my eyes, I haven?t suffered a tenth of what you?ve gone through. You?ve reminded me of all I have to be thankful for. Thank you.

  (((Petty))) Thanks babe, do they make any good brands for washing men out of your hair? Like ?Man-away, leaves your hair shiny, and your spirits high!?

  (((Eric))) What a beautiful post. That?s not stupid at all, in fact, I think I may try just that to keep myself a little more balanced. Thank you, your words have helped a lot.

  ((Outnfree)) Sorry to hear you?ve been having a bad time as well. At least we survivors have each other, thank you for that.

  ((Dave)) Seattle?s a great place to visit, much better beer than Cleveland!

  (((Sis))) Aww Xan, thank you, and thanks for waking me up this morning!

  (((Tatiana))) I hope you are able to get away soon!!!! I will definitely heed your advice, I don?t want to end up miserable again! Thank you hon, please take care of yourself too. When I get on my feet here, if you ever need a place, just give me a holler. So many people have helped me to get away from the situation I was in, and I?d like to do the same for someone when I am able.

  ((Phil)) RUUUUNNNNNNN!!!! Run for your life!! Go west young man!!!! Ohio is a soul trap!!! Come where the women are like my favorite beer, bitter and cold!!!! Just kidding! Hope all turns out well for you!
• 

  Xandria

  Sis any time /// I know I woke you out of sleep. But in all in all, I think it was a true WAKE Up call. hehehee.

  You may want to call our other sister. She fell through some glass the other day and she has a bad gash on her arm. She may need to get a stitch. But refuses to go to the to hospital. So I suggested to see, if the local drug store has those bandages that will close the wound. She was glad it wasn't to the side any more or it would of been a trip to the hospital.

  Love,

  X.
• 

  sowild

  Sweety; I know just how you feel. I went through the same type of situation last year. It still hurts some, but each day it gets better and better. Most days now are free of thoughts of him. But I still occasionally doubt my decision. Just know this: All our love goes out to you in your hard time
• 

  maybesbabies

  ((SoWild)) welcome, and thank you! Broken hearts are hard to mend, but easier with such good friends!!!! Xan, thanks for the heads up, been trying to get a hold of R~, but she never answers her phone!!!!! Let me know if you hear anything!!!