Lousy Friends

Nosferatu

I just gotta vent here. Kinda hurting over this shit. Over the past couple of years, I've had nothing but disappointments with friends. A couple of years ago, I cut ties with one of them. We were friends for 19 years and we were roomates at the time. He tried screwing me out of money.

Just recently, I had a friend over at my place. We were having a helluva good time. My fiance asks him "So, are you coming to the wedding?" He says, "Well, I'm usually out of town on the weekends visiting my girlfriend's family". I was extremely tempted to kick him out of my home for saying that. What kind of a friend is that? He visits his girlfriend's family every weekend, but he can't take a weekend off for my once in a lifetime wedding?

Another "friend" treated me like shit tonight. I called him on his cell phone to get his address so I can mail him a wedding invitation. He stalled, then told me to call him back on his home phone. So I call and he's not there.

This shit's really getting me down. It almost seems that women make better friends. I have one who has been a damn good friend for 4 years. Of course, it's hard making friends with females when you're getting married.

It's damn difficult fighting life's battles when you're doing it alone. It makes you stronger, but you do get tired.

kj

You're right, they suck. Sorry for what you are going through.

kj

codeblue

Sorry to hear that your friends have not really turned out to be "friends". I know how you must feel, have had similar things happen to me.

Count your fiance as your true "friend"....

Better to have one true "friend" than many pseudo friends. You sound like a very sincere guy, your pseudo friends have lost here.

Codeblue

Lady Lee

Nos as you grow and change you will find that the need for certian people (or types of people) will change too. While difficult it is normal and actually a sign that you are moving on - in more ways than one. If you have female friends just make sure your fiance knows them - that you all have social time together. This way everyone knows who the main lady in your life is. And well as for the loser "friends" - well "lose them"

And drat I found something here the other day in my stack of CDs that I was supposed to get to you and forgot about. Next time.

avishai

Nos, if I were closer, I'd come to your wedding, hell, i'd perform the service for free, if ya needed. Also, when it happens, consider yourself invited to my wedding, if in sprit only due to distance. You da man, nos. With friends like that, who needs enemas? I used to be the most social creature on the planet. Now, I hang out w/ like 2 people

shamus

Friends change, Nos. They really do...

I would suggest NOT living with any of your friends... that's not cool. Try seeing your best friend every day, LOL! No thanks!

Friends also get weird... best to just leave on good terms.

I had a friend who was a total pot-head, partyer, and nutcase. He was crazy! Now he's married, has 1.2 kids, and we never hear from him. He was at my bro's place seeing my niece and he says "I like bunnies, they're soft and fluffy". Like, can you say whipped?

But, he's happy, so that's all that counts. I could care less, really. It' sjust funny to see how whipped he really is.

Sentinel

Hummm. Real friends are dependable. They are there for you. It's a give and take. Almost like a marriage sometimes, but different. However, sometimes we have to re-evaluate situations and there are times when it is best to end a relationship that is way too one-sided. People grow and change and some mature through their experiences, while others remain stagnant. Perhaps we find that what we used to have in common is no longer the case.

I have only had a handful of good friends in my entire life. I have lost a few along the way. I have one very good friend and we've been close ever since grade school. We can talk about anything and everything and I know she will give me an honest opinion. She never judged me when I became a JW and basically turned my back on her. She just waited for me to come to my senses. That meant the world to me, when I called her up out of the blue and she was estatic that I had "seen the light". It was as if those years apart were gone in a flash, and we were right back to the connection we enjoyed. She is a wonderful person and I treasure her as much, or maybe more than my own relatives.

There is lots of work envolved in being a friend as well. If you are like me, I am cautious about sharing my life with just anyone. My best friend is my husband for sure!

/<

one_ugly_time

NOS,

That sucks. The only thing that comes to mind for the sudden change of attitudes is the fact that you are getting married. It is a major life status changes, and your friends may a) feel left out, b) feel like they are missing out, especially if you are engaged to someone they admire as an individual, c) feel they are loosing you and your hours upon hours of devoted friendship to someone else, or d) all the above and then some. OR, don't discount that you are going through a lot yourself... whether your friends are aware of it or not, your emotional "home" is changing...

I noticed another thread, by Aztec, where someone mentioned that guys don't talk about feelings. It sounds funny but it's true. I have a particular friend who has stood by me in some pretty difficult times; but I tried talking about feelings once with him and he changed the subject 3 times back to cars and projects. I got the hint, and never tried again. When we go our seperate ways for a while, I just leave it at that... we eventually get together again and have a lot of catching up to do (about things). So, don't always count on trying to talk it out and figure out what happened.

I believe you will soon find many married couples that have gone through similar experiences and will be able to build some new friendships based upon a different level of "commitment".

Congratulations ! I wish you well.

ugly

Sassy

I have learned throught the years that most of the time I have been a better friend than they are. Sometimes it gets to me and other times I shelf the feelings trying to justify they were brought up different and taught different priorities. Personally if a friend had a reason such as yours for not coming to your wedding, I'd be hurt. I probably would have said, look, you just said you go there every weekend, can't you take this one weekend and share it with us?

Most of my friends I have lost since stopping being a JW.. It will be interesting to see what kind of friends and loyalty I find in nonJWs. so far so good.

congrats on the wedding by the way.. I didn't realize you were getting married.

Purple

Congrats on the wedding! I hear you about the fighting alone bit. I have been doing that for the last 13 years and it wears thin. I wonder if they are such bad friends though that you really want them to share in such a special occassion. Its more important to surround yourself with people who really love and care for you and want to be there! Psuedo friends dont really appreciate being part of your life so they dont deserve your friendship anyway!

Lousy Friends

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