Pioneering and the New System - LOL

by Jang 11 Replies latest jw friends

  • Jang
    Jang

    Found this on one of the JW sites a couple of years back .... just came across it again and just had to share it with you all ... the mind boggles!!!!!

    Pioneering and the New System

    We were sitting around, relaxing in the wonderful spring weather. A group of us were chatting about how thankful we were to Jehovah for allowing us to have survived Armageddon. "Wasn't it scary when it looked like the moon turned red?" Sister Cassanova commented. "I agree," Brother Clarke chimed in, "because at that same time, my family and I were being dragged out of our house by a guard of student police, and then it turned red so suddenly..." his voice trailed off as he suddered to think that living organisms could have ever been so heartless and cruel.

    Then Sister Correy spoke up and said, "I'm really happy, because I had heard of the truth, but never had a real chance to understand it until Brother Clarke stopped me in the park just eight months before they started declaring "True Peace & Security!". If it weren't for the angels and Jehovah directing Brother Clarke to speak to me that day, I'd be just another one of those who were spread as fertilizer among the fields by the animals."

    Brother Clarke replied in agreeable relief, "And if Sister Cassanova hadn't contacted me while I was getting in my car at the grocery store, I would have just been living my life, making fun of "those strange Jehovah people", only to find out too late that I would have been wrong."

    Sister Cassanova stated humbly, "Yes, but I was only doing what Jehovah asked of me. I remember being the only one out in service that day. Well, just me and my five year old son. When he said it looks like nobody else is going out in service, I had told him, oh yes there is. The angels always go out with us, so we're not alone. In fact, all this means is that we have the angels all to ourselves, so they'll really be able to help us be successful, because we won't have to share them with anyone else.

    "I don't know why, but we decided to work parking lots that day. And I hated parking lots. And all I did was place tracts that day. I was so disappointed because I didn't get any addresses, no bible studies started, I thought I had wasted my time.

    "But in this six months after Armageddon, I've already had five people thank me for giving them tracts that day! It turned out most of them were from nearby towns, liked what they read and contacted the brothers where they lived. It was a more successful day than I could ever have realized until now."

    She paused, and looked at Brother Clarke. "And our dear Brother Clarke is one of them!" Then turning her gaze back towards the general group, she stated, "But, I could have never done it, if it weren't for Brother and Sister Taylor. They were sitting next to me in the hospital waiting room, when they noticed I was crying.

    "I was so sad about my mother's death, I just couldn't hold it in, even though people were staring at me. But they were so comforting, so warm, and so understanding, I just had to know, where they got their tenderness and warmth from. When they told me from the Bible, I was surprised, since my dealings with preachers was harsh, calloused, and cold. They never had the chance to ask me for a Bible study, because I pressed them to tell me more, and we made a schedule so I could. I didn't think of it as a Bible study, but it was what I wanted! And Jehovah has blessed me ever since!"

    Everyones eyes turned towards the Taylors, in anticipation of the developing pattern of backwards traceability. Being an extremely shy couple, she lightly elbowed him, and he said, "We just felt so sorry for you. We knew that what the Bible said was what you needed, so we would've felt guilty if we held back from you... But we are so glad it was a comfort to you. Praise Jah that he always takes care of our needs.

    "But, we too, could not have done it were it not for Brother Jones. I hated religion. All religion. But when we worked side by side secularly, and I saw how calm he was, even after smashing his thumb and rolling on the floor in pain, he said not one foul word, I knew that he had something I could respect. So, when he spoke to me about this new order thing again, as I knew he would, he always did, then I invited him over and we began to discuss it... Jehovah knew his personality was the one I needed."

    Then, Brother Jones spoke up, "Alright, alright. My turn eh? Okay then. This is fun. If it weren't for Brother Pembrooke, I would have been a couch potato until the day Armageddon fell. I liked movies, because they helped me to escape reality. If it was a bad movie, I could always say to myself in consolation, 'well, it's just a movie'. If it was a good movie, then I would really get into it, and be able to ignore the badness that was going on outside my home.

    "Until Brother Pembrooke came to my home. He was so bold as to offer me a bible study, right then and there on the spot. There were no good movies on at the time, so I figured 'why not?'. We studied in the Knowledge book, and I never did watch too many movies after that. Now I often wonder why I did since the plots were always so predicable, especially after the first 15 minutes. But, Brother Pembrooke was just the bold personality I needed to jar me out of my spiritual slumber."

    Brother Pembrooke spoke up, "These are all great stories! When I first heard the truth, I knew that's what I was going to do, as a career. No bones about it. So, I quit my high paying job, started part time work, and full time ministry. But, that would not have happened were it not for..." then he turned his head and pointed his finger at ME!

    I felt my heart thump. My mind raced. Should I tell them the whole thing? Would it scare them how close it had gotten? I decided to divulge...

    "I." I cleared my throat. "I, uh. Well, once the Kingdom Ministry called out for more pioneers. I thought about it, and hemmed and hawed. Even after the service overseer really encouraged me to join in the the rest of the brothers and sisters worldwide. I just didn't quite feel up to it. I had laundry to do, cleaning to do. I was going to help with some quick build preparations, my car needed a tune up, and just an endless supply of need-to-do's.

    "It wasn't until an older pioneer sister encouraged me, using the sweet charm that only they and mother's possess. She somehow talked me into it, despite my lack of motivational desire. Once I applied, I felt obligated. I guess my heart wasn't into it, because my success was mediocre. I gathered some interest, some developed into studies, other's not. I turned those studies over to pioneers because their schedules didn't match mine.

    "How happy I was, when finally, the last day of the month arrived. I worked my time, but for the last five minutes. We finished the territory, the brothers I was out with that day. We got into the car, and started to drive away. I was thinking happily, 'I am glad that's over!', when I noticed a new home far back in a lot. My heart said, 'ignore it!', but for some reason, my mind made my mouth speak.

    'Stop!' I could not believe myself, when I got out of the car, and told them, 'One more house, and I'll get it.' I walked up, knocked. No response. Out of habit, knocked once more. No response. I turned to leave when abruptly I saw someone in the distance to one side of the home. I looked at the time. I was now five minutes over. My heart was telling me I'm going to pay for this. My mind, to my betterance once again, took my body's helm. I walked over to the person, and offered him a magazine. He is now Brother Pembrooke."

    Brother Pembrooke chimed up with excitement and said, "Yes! I remember that!" Then he paused, and his face grew suddenly serious. "That was close! I never got to live in that house. I had just had it built, but when the plumbers were installing the hot water heater, their torch caught fire on the frame, and it went up like a dry match. That day was the last day I was ever there. If you hadn't caught me at that moment...." then his voice choked and he looked at me. I looked back, then his gaze turned slowly towards brother Jones, who looked towards the Taylors, who looked towards Sister Cassanova, who turned to Brother Clarke, who turned to Sister Correy. She slowly said while looking at Brother Pembrooke, "Wow. That was years before 'my' close shave, but an even more scary near-miss..."

    For a time we were all silently thankful.

    OK OK - Out come the Barf Bags

    JanG
    CAIC Website: http://caic.org.au/zjws.htm
    Personal Webpage: http://uq.net.au/~zzjgroen/

  • Seeker
    Seeker

    It was a short time later, that Brother Harrumph walked up to the group. Brothers Gruff and Pride were right behind him. All were elders from the congregation before Armageddon.

    "Sister Cassanova, Brother Clarke, Brother Pembrooke, Sister Correy, it's good to see you well today," Brother Harrumph began. "But Jehovah's people are a diligent people, who love working for Kingdom interests. We are not the type to sit around idly gossiping. Why, look at how hard Brother Gruff and Brother Pride and I have been working today!"

    "What do you mean?" asked Sister Cassanova, as she lowered her eyes and her lips tightened as they always did when the elders were speaking to her.

    "Get to work, get to work, get to work," growled Brother Gruff, using emphasis to make his point. "There are dead bodies to dispose of, and animal carcasses, and toxic waste dumps to clean, and factories to tear down. Work in Jehovah's service is never a burden, remember."

    "Have you three elders been clearing away dead bodies today?" asked Brother Clarke hopefully, trying to get on their good side on the off chance that they might consider him for eldership soon.

    Brother Pride laughed heartily at this idea. "We're too busy for that, we have to organize things. Just like when we had Hall cleaning, remember?"

    Brother Clarke nodded quickly, thinking back to all those toilets he scrubbed while Brother Pride has supervised with his checklist.

    "Come, come," chided Brother Harrumph, "let us get going, can't have any idlers in the new system." He narrowed his eyes and frowned as he continued, "You see what happened to idlers, don't you?" He gestured away to the right where a heap of corpses were rotting in the sunlight. A flock of overweight vultures were casually stripping bits of flesh from one of the bodies, a sight that turned Sister Correy's stomach every time she glanced over.

    "Don't be too long about it," reminded Brother Gruff. "We have a meeting tonight."

    "Tonight?" gasped Brother Clarke. "Oh yeah, I guess this is what used to be called Thursday. I forgot about the meeting." His heart sank at the thought as he had hoped to put up his hammock tonight and enjoy lying there with a glass of lemonade in his hand. Oh well, he thought, I haven't got any lemons anyway. Man, how long has it been since I had fresh food, he thought glumly.

    "Careful, Brother Clarke," sneered Brother Pride, "we don't want to be invoking the names of false gods after Armageddon."

    "Huh?" jumped Brother Clarke. "Wh- what do you mean?"

    "You used that pagan name for the day of the week. Haven't you read Kingdom Bulletin #532 giving us our new Theocratic names for the days of the week? Now that all those pagans are dead, we don't have to put up with their disgusting false garbage."

    "Oh, um, yeah," stammered Brother Clarke, "I don't mean Thursday, I mean, um, uh, I mean..."

    "Psst," whispered Sister Cassanova, "Rutherforday. It's called Rutherforday now."

    Brother Clarke turned back toward the elders with the name of the week triumphantly in mind, but it was too late. They had scurried off to rouse another group of idlers on the neighboring hill.

    "Ah well," sighed Sister Correy, "I guess I'd better get to work on that pile of bodies." She lumbered off to the mound of corpses.

    When Brother Clarke glanced over a moment later, he got a quick glimpse of Sister Correy vomiting as the smell came over her. I don't feel so good myself, he thought sadly.

    [Edited just to fix a couple of typos]

  • betweenworlds
    betweenworlds

    Now Jan, That just wasn't nice! Haven't even had breakfast yet, and now my appetite is spoiled. <GAG!> Boy it's a good thing those 5 folks got those tracts the morning of Arbageddy or else they woulda gotten slaughtered...GRRRRRRRRR.

    Thanks for posting!

    BW

  • expatbrit
    expatbrit
    If it weren't for the angels and Jehovah directing Brother Clarke to speak to me that day, I'd be just another one of those who were spread as fertilizer among the fields by the animals."

    he suddered to think that living organisms could have ever been so heartless and cruel.

    Says it all really, doesn't it?

    Expatbrit

  • Jang
    Jang

    Seeker ..... your ending is just what it needed

    I am going to tag it on the end for posterity !!!!!!!!

    ROFLMBO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    What away to start the day .......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Good grief ... I am getting hysterical ....... Rutherford Day

    JanG
    CAIC Website: http://caic.org.au/zjws.htm
    Personal Webpage: http://uq.net.au/~zzjgroen/

  • Mulan
    Mulan

    Man, that is too, too much isn't it? Barf bags is right!! I will post one that was written as a term paper in high school by one of the dubs here. I only have the first paragraph. At the time, I thought it was so neat:

    ----I was lying still, trying to understand what had happened. I remembered the car slipping on the ice, and going out of control, and the blinding crash, bright lights, and broken glass everywhere. There had been terrible pain too. Now, I didn't feel any pain. I slowly opened my eyes, and couldn't imagine why I was in this beautiful park. I sat up, and realized I was not bleeding and felt so well, and so full of happiness. I saw small groups of people around in the park, and suddenly my joy turned to terror as a lion came running out of the woods at me. He jumped at me and started to play with me. I didn't understand this development at all. Then a young girl came over to me with a clipboard in her hand, and chastised the lion, shooing him away, and said "you will have to forgive Leo, as he is always very playful at this time of day." Now, what is your name? As I gave it to her, I began to realize what had happened. Now she was saying, "oh yes, you are number 5,021, and your parents are already here, waiting for you." If you feel like walking now, I will take you to them.

    The story goes on for another two or three pages. The subject was "What the World Will be Like in the Year 1975". Gag, barf, puke!!

  • Francois
    Francois

    As I have said before: "A thousand years with Jehovah's Witnesses? I'd rather be dead."

  • Jang
    Jang

    Mulan .... that wasn't fair!!!!

    I had to go change my nickers this time ROFLMBO again

    Truly .... this is Tooooooooooooooo Much

    JanG
    CAIC Website: http://caic.org.au/zjws.htm
    Personal Webpage: http://uq.net.au/~zzjgroen/

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    This deserved being brought back to the top, due to Seeker's brilliant contribution.

  • Enlighted UK
    Enlighted UK

    "But when we worked side by side secularly, and I saw how calm he was, even after smashing his thumb and rolling on the floor in pain, he said not one foul word"

    Now that just ain't human.

    Enlighted UK

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