Should I be worried.Or am I just paranoid?

by The Grudge 11 Replies latest jw experiences

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  The Grudge

  Well,to explain that,I haven't posted on this site in a while and obviously since this is my first post,it was a different screen name when I did. My last post was about 6 months to a year ago.My status is, Im a "fall away JW".I started having doubts about 2 years ago and they've done nothing but increase since I've been out.This isn't due to a spiritually week state of shutting "God" out of my life as a strong JW would say.Instead,I've seen more shit go on in 2 years being away but still associated, then I care to list.Yes,I am still associated through my wife and family,and have managed to stay at piece with everyone by keeping my mouth shut when it comes to my doubts, and now disbelief. Everyone has pretty much left me alone about not going to meetings.It wasn't that way at first, but I think they just gave up.My wife still believes its the truth but she would be considered a week JW since she doesn't go to the meetings alot.

  As a 24 yr old newly married couple who just stopped going to meetings,we lost most of the "friends"we had. Or at leist they stopped calling and hanging out with us. We still however,have a few JW friends who are also in the"spiritually week" catagory,but I think Im the only one out of all of us who actually doesn"t believe that whole we are the only "true religion thing" anymore.

  Well being in this situation has me worried.I wrote pretty detailed accounts of certain actions of elders and other people in my past posts.Although, I tried to remain anonomous,the details would be a dead give away to people who know me.I was recently around someone I wrote about.An elder.This elder has always been extremely friendly to me in the past. However upon seeing him the other week at a wedding,(A JW wedding at the KH,that was a painful experience)he looked me right in the eye and kept walking. No "Hi".Not even a nod. HMMM, interesting.

  So naturally,Im thinking,what if he read my posts. If he did,should I be worried? Why is it alright for elders to go to"apostate "websites? If he does know,will it ever come out?

  I feel like one day the shits gonna hit the fan.Im not worried about being DFed to an extent. I just know how it will effect the relationship with my family and other friends that I still care about. I feel like a spy.I wish it didn't have to be this way! Damn this organization!(Cult?)
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  Sassy

  This elder has always been extremely friendly to me in the past. However upon seeing him the other week at a wedding,......he looked me right in the eye and kept walking. No "Hi".Not even a nod.

  Well, if he read it, there is little you can do about it. If he is upset about it, well then it is his conscience he is dealing with when he sees you. Obviously if you said out and out lies he could have had you before the body. He didn't so if he saw it he knows it is true. Maybe it will change how he deals with others? who knows.

  but don't let the guilt overtake you. Obviously you weren't getting help in the congregation where we were 'supposed' to find it...
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  zen nudist

  So naturally,Im thinking,what if he read my posts. If he did,should I be worried? Why is it alright for elders to go to"apostate "websites? If he does know,will it ever come out?

  personal experience:

  I dropped from meetings in 1990.... caused no one any problems, but found a BBS [pre-web days] which was run by gay people [no JWs should be haunting there, right?]

  elders show up with transcripts seeking to get me to admit it was me... they only had the first name and could not be absolutely sure... but I would not admit to anything... how did they get it?
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  Stefanie

  From what I understand they have a designated Elder to come onto these websites, and he reads apostate literature. The cong I came from had a Elder who was also an attorney. So yea, they dont have anything better to do than to cause trouble.
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  mouthy

  A Brother? at Bethel - ( when I was Picketing) whispered to me-" we are watching the net????"( he said it in a threatning way!!)! I said GOOD -you will learn something-So yes I do think they are allowed ( elders ) to visit these sites to catch those wicked apostates......I hope you dont lose your family but since that is the only power they have to stop TRUTH -I think it is likely!!!sorry but to be forewarned is to be forearmed..
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  The Grudge

  Yeah,I guess it kinda makes sense that they(elders) would be monitoring websites.Just another means of keeping the congregation "clean".(clueless,brainwashed,ignorant,etc.)Thanks for the commets guys. Actually, the good thing about my particular situation is that I've been bouncing around so much from congregation to congregation territory( I've moved between three different territories in the past 2 years) that my records are with a hall thats 30 miles away. Though,I guess if they want me out bad enough they'll do the leg work. Guess I'll wait and see.....
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  Sassy

  Look at JT.. he was an elder.. he was strong and thought he could handle reading on the net.. what happened???

  Maybe they will learn something while they are here and thank us?

  Personally as I said in another thread, they should pay more attention to the other boards where people are trying to really be JWs and have a problem with gossip and other things.. I knew of a couple who should have gotten into all kinds of trouble for gossiping on the net on JW boards. They were complaining about elders and slandering a brother.. it went as high as all the way to the society I heard.. before the elders could make decisions ones on the other JW board erased all the gossip so they couldn't be held accountable..

  they are the ones that need counsel..

  we dont' want to be JWs so it is a futille attempt to care about us.
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  seeitallclearlynow

  Dear Grudge,

  Please read Deuteronomy 18:20-22, and please don't give them the power in your life to frighten you. They are no one.
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  The Grudge

  Dear Grudge,

  Please read Deuteronomy 18:20-22, and please don't give them the power in your life to frighten you. They are no one.

  Thanks for the encouragement.Much appeciated....Im don't really thinks it that Im afraid of them so much. Maybe its more like,I just don't want them to get to me before I get to other people. I 've kinda been slowly letting out my real feelings to my JW friends and family little by little. Although,my wife is probably the only one who really knows how strong I feel,for obvoius reasons. I like to get people (my friends) thinking about stuff,and I think right now Im in a great situation to do that. I just hope that I can play my cards right and ride it out, hopefully helping others,and not getting DFed which would prevent that.
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  Ghosthunter

  I lurked on this board for more than a year before I had the courage to post. Even though I've been out for 20 years, I was afraid to put too much personal information in my posts lest someone recognize me. My relationship with my mother is shaky at best, but at least she still talks to be occasionally. If someone would say to her that I was on this APOSTATE FORUM she would cut all ties, I know she would.

  Slowly, I have grown the courage to post more personal things about myself and if it gets back to my mother, so be it. I'm not going to be afraid or guilty anymore.

  GH