by paradiseseeker 18 Replies latest jw friends
It is always your choice. Only you know your situation and circumstances.
But, I will say this: The longer you are IN, the harder it can be to extricate yourself out.
Also, dont think for a moment that those "edgy witnesses" who you hang out with and do fun activities together, will not take a sudden guilt-induced turn one day and rat you all out!. It happens.
Take care. It is more rewarding to live an honest life than a fringe life....
Sounds like you've been looking for a reason to stay and you've found one, and that's fine btw, we all leave when we are good and ready. But just a few tips...
It well never be easy or "the right time" to leave and there will always be someone you don't want to disappoint.
Maybe if you leave your friend will follow suit ? You don't know who you may inspire to leave also.
Take responsibility for your own decisions and be realistic and truthful with yourself about it.
If you decide to stay for a while longer then stay a while longer because you decided it not because you're "helping" out a reinstated friend.
Give yourself a month or two and see how you feel about it then.
Maybe you're just not ready yet, but, remember the longer you stay the more likely you will be lulled back off into the sleep of inaction.
Paradiseseeker, your posting name indicates something-- something JWs want and that is a great life with very little effort.
It's tough trying to get a handle on work and life if you have been brought up with JW rules imposed on you but dreaming about paradise and using a friendship as an excuse for remaining in a harmful cult ahead of getting and education or a career, will not work in the long run.
I'm being hard on you because I wish someone had done so with me when I was your age. What you may lack is a vision of yourself in the future as a responsible self-sufficient individual. This is completely normal for JWs since the cult leaders want their followers to be totally dependent on them.
Please allow me to tell you what real life means: it means you have to work very hard to get a degree or at least a qualification and a job to get off the bottom rung of the ladder. Otherwise you might remain stuck in a god-forsaken cult or be forever dreaming. Am I right?
I have a PIMO friend who actually seems to have fun being a closeted apostate ("aclostate"?)...
...he quietly helps on-the-fence JWs to WTexit.
Seriously.
Thank you everybody for your advice. I think you are right in many aspects and I will consider them very carefully.
Just a few remarks:
DUBSTEPPED
No, I'm not thinking about leaving just to do "worldly" things. I have plenty of reasons to leave like for instance knowing for sure that this is a lie and that its teachings are self-limiting and harmful. In fact, even after I woke up I was pretty against consuming alcohol but this friend of mine introduced me into that world and I decided to give it a try. And I tell you that the first time was very awkward because I wasn't used to be in that environment, so I saw that maybe I wasn't so ready to face the contrast between JW world and the outside, so this kind of transition would be good for me. But one thing is certain: I HAVE to leave, and I won't see myself as an example of integrity until I do it.
And HALF BANANA
You are so right in what you say, and I like straightforward people like you, but in this case you don't have to worry about me because I've already finished my degree and the job that I say that I will get in a few weeks is the job that I've been studying for for 8 years ;)
Maybe if I hadn't done it I wouldn't have ever woken up, or maybe I would but I would lack of means to get my independence in decent conditions, so yes, you are damn right.
I wanted to add just one little thing if you don't mind. You might be wondering who I am first. I was raised a JW, and officially left it 17 years ago (dissociation). When I left it, I knew it was coming, I knew that eventually, I would have to make a choice. My choice of when was taken away from me by my brother in law, and it wasn't good. I just wanted to say don't worry about when you should leave, or stay; when the time comes you will know.
To be honest I had been unhappy in the religion for a long time before I finally succumb to learning TTATT. I think by the time someone has resorted to reading or posting in this web site (even if they are pimi apologists) they have pretty much made their mind up. I think you have mentally made your mind up but physically you are not ready to break the strings. You will know when the time is Right. If your happy with the current situation then by all means keep doing what makes you happy. But as someone else has posted (and was true of a guy who left in his 40s) the longer you stay the harder it will be to leave and adjust to the out side world. Also bear in mind freedom comes at a cost as well, and with some people they just exchange their jw problems with secular problems. Mate stay off the booze, ciggies, and unprotected sex, cause the can cause you some serious long term issues.
This:
dubstepped wrote: just own whatever the real reasons are for things and live the most authentic life you can
Word.
All in good time. It sounds like you are young (late teens/early 20's?). There is no rush to leave(even if you were older). You have developed some critical-thinking skills and are using them to build a life for yourself. Keep building new skills and use them!
Please remember a few things, though. Once you become fully 'inactive' there is better chance of avoiding official sanctions by the leadership of the WTS. If you get caught misbehaving on your own or with your reinstated friend while you are active or irregular, you both risk permanent harm to family relationships. Be very, very careful to not get caught by other JWs. Or tone down the antics a bit.
Also, don't get romantically involved with a JW.
