by Blueblades 40 Replies latest jw friends
Blueblades your post really touched my heart.
The very fact that you feel bad over this proves you are not a bad parent. As many on here stated all parents have regrets.
The fact that your kids are well adjusted I am sure has a lot to do with how you raised them. You truly loved them and still do.
Try not to be so hard on yourself.
Well I hope I'm not the only sap here who cried through this whole thread.
BlueBlades,
That was real. You conveyed your experience and and feelings for many of us.
I do fine emotionally now, probably happiest I have been in my life. But I react the way you do when I think of what I did to my family.
I guess the best thing we can do is be the best dad and grand-dad (mom and grandma) we can from here on. Love em to pieces.
Steve
(((Blueblades))) We walk the path of life with no guide book. We learn as we go and our experiences teach us. We make choices for ourselves that affect our children, our wives, friends and family members. But, we make these decisions with the best information we have available at the time.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Let go of feeling the guilt for all of this. Sounds like you have a fantastic family, well rounded, and level headed. They don't blame you. Don't blame yourself! Perhaps you needed that long, lonely drive, to finally get all that pain and guilt up and out. Just don't go there anymore.
Be happy. Life is beautiful. You have your family and a lovely mate.
/<
(((((((((((blueblades))))))))))))
Feb. 14th - the next "thing we missed" right??? !!!!!
Send everyone of your kids ballons for every year your missed. With a big heart one right in the middle with HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!! And another one that says I LOVE YOU. Send them to your grandkids!!! What a CRAZY grandpaw they have!!! But they will never forget it!
Send your wife a single rose for every year you didn't. Pick up a bottle of champagne and your favorite "dinner". Tell her how much she means to you!
St. Patricks Day! hey, corney but..... turn your water... your wine... etc... GREEN! Send your kids a dozen green flowers/ballons/shamrocks!
We all cry. We all loss. And one day it just hits us. I am glad that it hit you. Men don't cry..... BS.
On their birthdays.... make up for all the ones you missed. Make a fool of yourself???? YES!
Will they think you have lost your mind?? Probably. But so what!
When is the last time you danced with your wife? You sent her flowers? You told her how beautiful she is? Tell her! Tell your children!
The 4th of July have so many fireworks that it puts your city to shame! (in the event that you live in a small city. !!!) To heck with waiting for the 4th!!... have a BBQ and have fire works in Jan... Feb... Mar....
When is the last time you dressed up for Halloween (i know - it is a little way off BUT...........)
CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get them things now.... Dumb things.... memory things.... have so many presents under the tree, that you can't see the tree.
I know this probably sounds dumb but....... if you are greiving for all that you have lost... go overboard for a while!
I have "caught up on so much" that I "lost" in the past few years. I love my mom. She loves me CONDITIONALLY! I love my sister. She loves me CONDITIONALLY! If ..... IF they ever love me again for me .... I will give them the biggest Birthday Party that ANYONE has ever seen!! The biggest CHRISTMAS that anyone has ever seen (even if it means going to the $1 Store and wrapping every present individually!!) Live my friend... your tears are a beginning to setting yourself completely free.
Your family has "forgiven" you..... it is time for you to forgive yourself.... it is time to celebrate!
Cry some more. Hug more. Love more. Freedom is a wonderful thing.
deborah
Dearest Blue, my heart was touched so deeply by your words. I was crying while reading your post. What a wonderful human being you are. I absouletly want to give you a great big huge hug, a person who loves his family so very much.
May God bless you for your love and convictions. Standing up for what is best for the family.
Your emotions are truly intense and releasing them through tears is your bodies way of handling its intensity. I have at times had flashbacks of my life as a JW. My parents were not nice to me for some reason. My dad, before becoming a witness was a vicious alcoholic and did me great emotional and mental damage. It took years of therapy to realize it was not me but it was them that had the problems. Even after he became a witness he still had an abusive side to him,and cold and I could not find anyway to draw close to him. Oh I tried and tried but to him and my mom I never measured up. I was the failure at life and a disappointment to them. I have a few delightful flashbacks of days in Montreal with my young friends in the truth in the 1970s and early 80s. We use to have great times. However my parents didn't trust me, they made me take my 16yr old sister with me at the time. And she could do no wrong, she was a goody two shoes and kept dad updated on my comings and goings. I hated it. And I dispised the people she chose to be friends with. Sometimes they made my life a living hell.
I rushed into a marriage that I knew was a mistake, but when you are desperate to be appriciated you take that chance hoping that it is the right one. Well it was a bad marriage but I stayed for 28yrs until my son was 21, he was still at home and then one day I had it, I divorced him and left the organization the same day. Dec 24 1999. I was disfellowshipped in January 8 2000. I can tell you the best thing that resulted from this is that my son Richard has and is my number one son, my love of my life, he is the sweetest son any mother could hope for.
Even my new husband is showing signs of jealously, because my son and I are very close. I will never allow anyone to hurt him no matter what. I nearly lost him the morning he was born. He had strep B menengitis and was on his death bed, only to die with in hours. I prayed and prayed and begged God to let him survive. I am not sure if it was Gods answer to my prayers but my son survived by a miracle. He was the first infant ever to try a new researched but not used on humans a drug that saved his life. I will always always love that part of my life forever.
He means everything to me, yet I put him in a religion I wasn't happy in, but his dad my ex was always pushing him. But never did my husband spend two minutes with him. He never played with him, never took him fishing or camping never a ball game, never nothing. I did everything with my son and that is why he is at my side day and night when ever I need to hear his voice or his laughter. Or to wipe away tears, or give him cheers, He is the apple of my eye. I was unhappy that I pushed him to go to the meetings in the service and more meetings. He said he never believed in the organization and when he was 16 he just stopped going to the meetings. He would go to some so it would look good for his father and tthat is all. As for his grandparents well they did nothing either with Richard. They use to do and go places with their other grandchildren but not mine, and we lived next door to them.. How shameful and even to this day my mom, never calls to see how he is or ever invites him over to talk, not nothing.....My dad is dead, he died in 1995 he was presiding overseer, and a poor example of a grandfather. Richard resents them and dispises them for the way they have always treated me.. He said I will never ever have anything to do with the rest of the family. They are not true Christians at all. They talk the talk, but never walk the walk.
So what is that I am saying? I am saying you get out of life what you put into it. YOu like me thought the so-called truth was the answer for happiness, but it wasn't.
I have flashbacks all the time when he(son) was growing up and he is the one that kept me going, through thick and thin.
So I know your loving wife and fine children and grandchildren adore you. Dwell on it, savour it, and thank God you came to your senses before your life became full of bitterness and anger.
Blue, I love you and may you be happy all the days of your life. And rich blessings may they flow unto you and your family because you are indeed a wonderful man.
All my Love
Orangefatcat.
I am 
blowing you a kiss and a double hug.
(((((Blueblades)))))
What a be-e-e-e-e-eautiful post ... and a beautiful thread!!!
Thanks for sharing your feelings ... thanks for putting your thoughts and feelings into words ...
I too had those feelings about three years ago. I felt very angry for all the time I lost ... wasting my life since birth ... with the dubs...
Then I thought ... hey! At least I figured it out and got outta that cult! Some people never leave!!! I'm proud of myself for leaving! You have every reason to feel proud for leaving and having the support of your family! How blessed you are! My kids abandoned me in favor of the dubs ... sadly ...
Mystery wrote:
if you are greiving for all that you have lost... go overboard for a while!
Yes! Be-e-e-e-e-eautiful advice! That's what I did ~~ and I'm still doing it! This year I sat on Santa's knee for the first time ~~ ever! http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/64054/985161/post.ashx#985161 My fourth Christmas ~~ ever! I've been quite creative since I left the borg and I find fun ways to enjoy mysef! Life is grand, isn't it?
One thing about leaving the borg, I sure appreciate where I am now on my life's path!!! I am bursting with happiness ~~ and it is lo-o-o-o-o-ong overdue!!!
Love ya!!!
ESTEE
Well I hope I'm not the only sap here who cried through this whole thread.
I don't think that feeling that one has wasted his life is unique to the JW"s. You say that you have a loving relationship with your wife and your children are doing fine. That's a lot more than a lot of people have. It's in the past and you can't undo it. You may, down the road, regret the time you wasted not being able to forgive yourself and truly enjoying the rest of your life. Please don't do that.
What a wonderful and" truthfull" way to deal with what many seem to feel upon leaving.There is so much pain in the regrets But so much more in the wonderful prospects you can and do still have with your family.
I wish i could still be close to all my children I did them Especially my oldest such a diservice.
Kat
So many responses! How do I begin to thank everyone by name?The sharing of all your comments,the similarities of others experiencing the same feelings,the love expressed here by so many has overwhelmed me.Thank you all for your kind words,and yes you have made me realize that I still have my family intact,and that I should be and I am grateful for that.
I can't now begin to give a response to every one who took the time to share with us your thoughts.We love you all.
Blueblades and Family
Welcome to the forum Kat2u!!!!
You have a PM ...
ESTEE
