Raising children in the borg

Maverick

I have been visiting this site for about a year now. I was not raised a JW. I got conned in as an adult but my now ex-wife was raised in the collective. I have read many of the accounts of those raised "inside". Seems they missed out on a lot of family type stuff and got treated badly both by the borg and the world. My daughter was raised around this cult by I tried hard to give her some of the things y-all say you missed. We did not celebrate holidays but had a "Familyday" around the first of Feb. and bought her gifts and went to Disney or Sea World. And I took her to all the festivals like the State Fair and County Fairs, Strawberry Festival etc. I also went to every open house and school function she had through high school. I took her to the "Fun Center" and movies all her life and when her mother ran off with a work-mate I still put her through finishing school and sent her to Paris at 15. I was still a MS at that time. Now she is a well adjusted freshmen in college with two part-time jobs. I am very proud of her.

My point in all of this is that I was a member in good standing with the borg and my daughter got well taken care of...Can we really blame the WTS for all the things the youth missed out on... are not the PARENTS primarily responsible for looking after their own childrens well being?

Now I HATE the WTS! And a lot of their ideas of child rearing are stupid. But the buck stops with the parents. Maverick

Gopher

Exactly.

Parents, whether inside or outside the Borg, have to determine whether they're going to be loving and involved in their children's lives.

Some parents live vicariously through the accomplishments of their children. This is a temptation for many parents in the Borg, where the important thing is to "keep up appearances". So they want their kids to appear to be model Witnesses, whether they themselves are or not. Maybe they weren't able to pioneer or go to Bethel, but by God, their children are going to represent the family in the full-time service when they grow up!

The fortunate children among JW's have parents who allow them to have some fun, and even make sure they get it!

Good for you & your daughter, Maverick.

stillajwexelder

I agree -- when a daughter of mine asked to play in sport activity after school - -I said no problem if that is what you want - primary responsibility rests with parents

avishai

Read this thread. http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/65294/1.ashx

I don't care how good a parent you were. Mine were too. But five hours of meetins a week, plus bible study, plus studying for talks ( I started in the KMS when I was barely five) Plus missing cartoons on a saturday, forced to work your ass off as soon as you could walk in cold & hot weather selling magazines for a f#$#ing publishing company. AND being socially ostracised by all of your peers on a regular basis ( Or beat up because you "did'nt lve America) for the flag, holidays, etc. It just does'nt compensate! My folks took me to museums, plays, zoos. The symphony, amusement parks. But, on a day to day basis, growing up a jw was a living hell. I could'nt imagine dealing w/ that BS now as an adult, much less a child.

pc

I have to agree with Avi, we were not allowed to join in any activities. My dad was the PO and we had to be examples to the cong. Things, I think, changed later on. I grew up during the late 60's and 70's. If you came from outside and became a JW you also would have had some experience with holidays and the like. Just recently I was explaining to my children what my life was like in the "cult" and my 12year old said "mom that is just so sad". Out of the mouths of babes. I've been out for years and have just begun to really participate in holidays and birthdays without guilt. I remember getting something for my birthday only once in my life. My parents were great,they loved us more than life, unfortunetly they were as brainwashed as the rest of us. The only problem for them was there was no COC, and no internet. PC

dh

I don't care how good a parent you were. Mine were too. But five hours of meetins a week, plus bible study, plus studying for talks ( I started in the KMS when I was barely five) Plus missing cartoons on a saturday, forced to work your ass off as soon as you could walk in cold & hot weather selling magazines for a f#$#ing publishing company. AND being socially ostracised by all of your peers on a regular basis. It just does'nt compensate! My folks took me to museums, plays, zoos. The symphony, amusement parks. But, on a day to day basis, growing up a jw was a living hell. I could'nt imagine dealing w/ that BS now as an adult, much less a child.

add to that being born on christmas day and every year having to have answer for the plethora of questions about what presents you got, some kids say you had it good, you got twice the presents, others say you've got it bad, you only get half the presents, little did they know i had it worst of all, i didn't get any damn presents!

also not being allowed to have friends from school, no 'extra curricula activities' family study in the evening, prepare for book study in your spare time, not being allowed into assembly at school, also watchtower had to be done saturday afternoon, day's text a 7am every morning and a 'family prayer' that lasted a good 5 minutes, actual eyes closed prayer! also worked in my school holidays because there was nothing else i could enjoy doing, and if i wanted something i had to earn it myself as my family weren't financially in a position to give me all the things the other kids in school had, because they were classed as trivial material things and my family were content as jw's, the list goes on...

simple things like my dad being the congregation accountant when he was a MS, we had to be the last to leave on thursday nights because he had to do collect the contributions, so it was well after 10pm on a school night that we would get home, and considering as a kid i used to be awake from ungodly hours like 3-4am, i was like a zombie, course i was still proud of my dad when they made him an elder, but i was more happy when the job of accounts went to somebody else!

my parents thought that what they were doing was best for us as kids, which is cool enough, now they will openly admit that they didn't get it right, but who does? admitting that it was messed up is enough for me, it doesn't change the fact that being a kid was shit, but we live and learn and it's cool, i learned, my brother learned, m parents learned, it takes too much energy to start blaming everyone, by the time you find someone to blame you don't even care anymore.

however i would love to burn down some kingdom halls.

avishai

bttt

got my forty homey?

I was the same as as many posters in here. My parents were devout witnesses not buying hardly any material things, having neighborhood kids laughing at us. I wasn't encouraged to go to college but to pioneer, go to bethel and then gilead. After Bethel didn't work out I explained to my father that I had no interest in pioneering anymore but I would still attend meetings.

That wasn't good enough. It was pioneer or leave the house. After one month of leaving bethel I moved out of my parents home with no money and a little basement apartment and a menial job. I was never able to go to college and within 2 years I was a homeless drug addict. I could only imagine if my father let me stay in the house as a witness but not as a full time servant, maybe I could have gone to college and have ended up doing something I really enjoy.

As a kid my father never bought a car, vcr, micorwave oven. We had however a plethora of tape recorders to tape assembly programs! I remember asking my father when i was five why we didn't have a car and his response was "cars dont give everlasting life!"

Maverick

Wow what a nightmare! But as got my forty homey? stated it was his fathers actions that caused his pain. When my daughter at 14 no longer wanted to go to meetings the Elders told me to threaten to make her live with her Mom if she didn't come. The very men telling me this had only one or two of their grown children still JW's and cut off contact with all their other children. So I knew they were terrible examples and shined them on. They were telling me on the one hand a 14 year old does not know enough to make adult decisions and to force her to comply and yet if she wanted to get baptized they would gladly allow it. The God I worship wants the willing, not people forced to comply under threats!

I have seem many young people bolt from the borg when they came of age. And many that hung in there for a few years and then woke up one day and said,"Enough"! And walked away from everything.

The WTS is a greedy, evil god that wants child scrifices, (in a spiritual sense) but it is the parents who put their children on the alter! Maverick

LukeN

i just have to say, portabals, rain and O Canada do not mix

Raising children in the borg

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