I need help with a life changing decision

by Matt_2k 13 Replies latest jw friends

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  Matt_2k

  My family used to be Jehovah?s witnesses up until I was about 6 years old, for reasons unknown too me they left. When the events of September 11 th unfolded they started going back to the meetings, myself included. It started out ok, I was keen to learn, but the more I learnt, the more I realised that a lot of the predictions and teachings did not make sense, so after about 9 months I stopped attending the meetings and eventually stopped being involved all together. At first my parents used to encourage me to come to the meetings, waking me up on Sundays trying to persuade me to come. But this soon stopped.

  My family now talk to me less and less, I don?t like sitting in the same room and talking with them any more and it is even worse when they have people round from the congregation. Sometimes it feels like they aren?t even my family any more, they have changed so much. I?m currently thinking about starting to attend the meetings but I am not entirely sure what it is I want too do. Also if I did go back to being a JW I would be doing it partially because I want things to be more ?Normal?

  Any comments, suggestions and general advice would be much appreciated.
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  shotgun

  That's a tough decision and position to be in Matt.

  If you don't think that their predictions make sense that's because they don't.

  Stick around the forum Matt and if you can do research on this forum and others to see if the truth as they call it is really the truth.

  Also...your first response is usually the right one.

  You also might want to ask your parents why they left the Org when you were 6.
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  shotgun

  Matt...check this out

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/9/58215/1.ashx

  edited to make link clickable - Scully
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  Carmel

  Matt welcome to JWD. You are correct in putting parenthesis around the word NORMAL. You will not have that ever again as long as your parents are motivated by fear and guilt, which is what drew them back to the vomiti-religioso. As long as they see you as someone to coerse and cadjole, your dignity means nothing to them. They may claim to be doing it to get you through the Bid A, but it is only a manifestation of their own twisted fear put into them by the dub propaganda. Believe me, there are thousands that will back me up on this. Only those still under the banner of the FSD will fail to recognize the cult methods employed by them from the top down.

  I hope you are able to take an objective look and see that you have a difficult road ahead no matter whether or not you return to the KH. If you dont at least you will be a free agent.

  best of luck, carmel
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  Gopher

  Matt,

  Welcome to the forum. You're in a very tough spot. Your parents think they're doing the absolute right thing by submerging themselves in this religion.

  There is no one right answer. You have to do whatever makes sense for you. I had a friend who grew up a JW, but then experienced the same realization you did at about the same age, that it isn't the truth. But he stuck around until age 18 when he graduated from high school, and then left home and never went back to the Kingdom Hall (except for a friend's funeral).

  Others do like you have and quit going while still living with JW parents. If you continue doing that, their reaction may be to treat you as some sort of outcast. They'll use the scripture "if anybody loves his family more than me (Jesus), they're not worthy of me". Of course they'll use scripture to justify any darn thing they want to. It doesn't make it right.

  If you visit here, you'll receive support from people who have been on BOTH sides of the JW fence like you have. You won't get that kind of understanding at the Kingdom Hall, and most non-JW's don't fully understand what it's like to endure membership (especially as a child or teenager).
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  Winston Smith :>D

  Hi Matt,

  Yeah, you're in a pickle. My thoughts, along with the other good ones:

  1. NEVER get baptised as a JW. Your options for leaving the JW's are severely limited if you are baptised

  2. People should love you for who you are, not who they think you should be.

  3. Trust your gut. If something stinks with the JW's, I'd trust your instincts.

  I like shotgun's approach as well. Ask your parents why they left 6 years ago. And read the link he gave you. It's a good summary of the side of the JW's that they don't want you to see.

  Whether your parentts want to admit it or not, they did return due to the fear they experinced after 9-11.

  Above all else, treat your family with love regardless of your final decision.

  They can never legitamatly hold anything against you if you continually treat them with love.
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  patio34

  Hi Matt,

  It's nice to "meet" you. You seem to be in a, as you say, life-changing position. And these decisions can affect our lives for a very long time!

  If I were you, I'd pretend that someone else were asking you the same questions and what would you advise them.

  Plus, make a list of the positives and negatives and assign a weight to each item according to their importance to you. E.g.,

  Advantages Disadvantages

  1. Family more "normal" Constriction of personality
  2. More peace at home Will be leaving in a few years, is it worth it.

  Etc, etc. That often helps to arrive at the best decision for you. Plus, always remember that knowledge is power. Do your homework on seeing about what the Watchtower and their history really is all about. Investigate. Remember that if you get baptized, as the previous poster pointed out, you're really pretty much sunk if you change your mind (there is NO honorable way to leave JWs). Most younger people it seems can easily delay baptism by saying they want to be sure, etc. etc.

  Read. Read this board and other sites about the Watchtower and Jehovah's Witnesses. But I wouldn't advise arguing and debating much with your parents. Pretend you're an anthropologist studying this odd culture. Protect yourself. Steven Hassan's books are good too.

  I gotta run now, but be sure to look before you leap. Protect yourself--as you say it's life changing, and a lot is at stake.

  Warmly,

  Pat
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  Sentinel

  Welcome Matt,

  So sorry you find yourself in such a dilema. Sounds like you are reasonable and rational. I don't know how old you are, but apparently, you are old enough that your parents "ask" you to attend, rather than demand it. This is in your favor for sure.

  If you can hang on and maintain your love and compassion for your parents, while exercising your own freedom to choose, when you become of age, you will be able to begin to live life totally by your own rules. No doubt this will be quite a challenge.

  You can be normal, friendly, kind, respectful, but still be a loving son. If you can present yourself as being balanced and knowledgeable, you may just get through to them. Sounds like 911 scared them tremendously, and JW's are using that to lure them back in. If you go with your parents they will believe that you "believe" as well. It may send them a false signal. It is your decision.

  You should find some areas on this forum where there is good information you can use. Best wishes.

  /<
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  smurfette

  Welcome Matt!

  I'm sorry about what your family is putting you through. 16 is a rough age as it is let alone with JW parents. (I've been there, done that, even though it seems like a lifetime ago now) All I can offer for advice is to you is to hang in there and stick with what you feel is right. And follow the advice already mentioned above - don't get baptized just to try and heal your family. Trust me it just mucks things up even worse! It's good that you've found this site too. There's alot of people here who've been where you are and can offer advice when you need it.

  -Margy
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  freelife

  Matt, it sounds like you are in a sticky situation. If you are not baptized, then you are in a better position to keep a relationship with your parents. If you get baptized then you decide that you do not want to live the JW life you will lose more than what you feel that you are missing out on now. If you get disfellowshiped your parents most likely will not associate with you any more. When I was not going to the meetings my parents would still talk to me. They would pester me about meetings but they still wanted me in their life. After I was disfellowshiped my parents do not talk to me. I have not heard from them in months. They were extreamly rude the last time i did talk to them. I strongly urge you to not get mixed up with the JW"s it will come back to haunt you my friend. I don't have too much good advice for you though about how they are treating you now but i suggest that you sit down with them and have a deep discution with them so they know how you are feeling right now. Also tell them that you don't want to be pressured into somthing you are not sure of.

  Clint