by Brummie 18 Replies latest social humour
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked
loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
* makes plans for tomarrow of going to all the beauty shops in town and asking that question to see if he can get some takers*
Here are top ten comments made by sports commentators that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."
2. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely horse
and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."
3. Grand Prix Race Announcer: "The lead car is absolutely, truly unique,
except for the one behind it which is exactly identical to the one in
front of the similar one in back."
4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my
mother and father."
5. Ringside Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries and even some
deaths in boxing - but none of them really that serious."
6. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can
expect the same thing again."
7. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like
it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988: "Ah, isn't that nice, the
wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew."
9. Metro Radio, College Football: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like
they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
10. US Open TV Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so
well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and
kisses them. Oh my God, what have I just said?"
And one more: Dizzy Dean
and his side kick were announcing a baseball game and they noticed a
couple below them in the stands kissing each other very often. After much
discussion Dizzy said, "I've got it. He's kissing her on the strikes and
she's kissing him on the balls.
I always liked it when my brother in law would say with a straight face to a stranger:
My mother and father are first cousins. That's why I look so much like myself.
My daughter loved to do theatrical make up when she was a teen. One fine day she learned to make very realistic bullet holes. Well, she made one on my brother in law's forehead complete with trickle of blood. Then we all went shopping at Wal-mart. When in line, he kept saying he had a terrible headache. The cashier looked up and gasped. Without missing a beat, I looked at the woman and said while shaking my head, sighing and shrugging, "And he refuses to go to the doctor. Men." Then we all started laughing. Eventually the cashier joined us. Try it sometime. It's fun.
Heather
I always liked it when my brother in law would say with a straight face to a stranger:My mother and father are first cousins. That's why I look so much like myself.
My mom's dad married my dad's mom in 1988. It confused the hell out of people when I tried to explain it to them. I always enjoyed adding to their confusion by telling them I am now my own cousin...since my parents are my aunt and uncle. It just escalates from there. My parents are brother and sister, my brothers are cousins...etc.
Great stuff Brummie, thanks for the laugh.
Rachel
Lol @ u
Hey peeps, glad you liked them, they cheered me up too
Brummie
I was telling my husband about this thread and he reminded me of a funny one that happened to him.
He is a plumber, he had a customer that he worked for but she needed some custom colored caulking for a sink or something. When he finally had it, he went back to her home to finish the work. She opened the door and said, "Oh look, it's just Steve and his caulk!" Steve just said "Yep" and walked on by her. He said she knew immediately what she had said and disappeared .
I thought for sure we had lost a customer to her own embarrassment, but she has called since then.
Those are so funny.........I happen to be one of those people who say things like those mentioned , all the time. I always realize the second it comes out of my mouth , what I have just said,,,,,,,,I always try to laugh it off and make sure that who I said it to knows, I have realized what I have just said,,,,,,,,and NO I didnt mean it that way.....lol.
I had some fun at my male colleague's expense when we were getting rid of some old training equipment at work. I pulled out a laser pointer that - I swear - was a FOOT long. Hefting it experimentally, I said, "Obviously built for a MAN." and put it back in it's velvet-lined case. His scarlet blush matched the lining.
Rachel you never told me that one about Steve. That is priceless!! *can't stop chuckling*
I have been know to tell people I got married when I was 17(I did)..............."of course that was to my first husband". They usually say............."oh, Dave is your second husband?" I reply "No, he's the first". Silly I know.............but it always gets a laugh.
After my father married my mother in law, I told people I married my stepbrother. My brothers in law became my step brothers. It was very fun.
