by Doubtfully Yours 13 Replies latest jw friends
I find myself going through the motions whenever holiday time rolls around, you know, just going with the crowd, etc., but in my heart of hearts holidays mean nothing to me; so I don't ever feel like decorating or doing anything personally that is holiday-related.
Am I the only one who feels this way? Could it be a result of my JW upbringing? Will I ever feel differently?
DY
I'm very much the same way. I KNOW it's from my JW upbringing. I suppose things will change when I have children.
DY,
That sounds completely normal to me, I am the same way. The holidays means nothing to me and it is because of the JW upbringing. The only time I was ever able to get into the holiday spirit was when I was surrounded by people who were very ethusiastic about the holidays. Then I had a blast decorating and singing and buying presents and all that. That was a while ago and since then holidays don't mean much of anything to me.
The first time I celebrated Christmas I felt so odd. It didn't mean anything to me. The next year was a little better, but my heart just wasn't in it. The third year tho I decided to try to change that. I went to Wal-mart and looked at all the decorations and even TOUCHED them without fear of another JW watching me! I bought lots of lights and presents. It was much better. I think it gets better with time. Those of us that have been in religion for so long need time to be easy on ourselves. Program ourselves differently. I'm hoping that down the road, I can start establishing some of my own holiday family traditions. Although the traditions are not handed down by our parents and grandparents through the years, we can still have time to start handing down the newfound traditions to our children.
Well, I guess maybe for me, perhaps it is the grass is greener on the other side of the fence!
All these years I watched everyone celebrating and wishing I could be included.. Finally this year I began to celebrate..
My birthday turned out disapointing (although i got a nice gift in the mail from my sister) but it was uneventful. My bf forgot what day it was and being that it was my first ever birthday I expected some hoopla... at least a little
Then when I attended the Christmas party at work, I was really disapointed. It was nothing like I expected.. I actually left for home early..
Christmas came and only two lonely presents sat was under the tree (My secret Santa present from Nina and a gift from Morty). I put a gift for simplesally and her little one under my tree just to make it look like there were more there (till I saw them on Christmas day to give to them).. I did love decorating though.. that I enjoyed.. My bf is muslim so it was like I was pretending to celebrate all by myself.. Simplesally did try to include me and make me feel like family. We watched her little girl open presents and it was wonderful watching her and of course I brought gifts and they gave me one, but I don't know. I guess all these years I saw these big families celebrating and the nostaligic dream in my head, just wasn't quite what it was. Maybe it is like a movie you hear about and it is so hyped up that you are expect too much and then are let down??
I am hoping next year is different. Next year I want to fly home to see my dad and sister and brother and celebrate with them. I guess maybe that is what was empty for me. My family.
My bf asked me what I wanted for Valentines day.. I said?? I don't know?? I guess I always loved looking at those beautiful heart shaped boxes of candies?? I told him later, I have no experience with Valentines day...I don't know if there should be gifts? or dinner? or ??? So I have no idea really what to expect..
DY, Nos, SD, Strawbs, Sassy -
I agree with you. I'm much the same way.
I was raised a Dub, and I've thought about why I feel the way I do about holidays. Here's my conclusion: "Holidays" themselves have No intrinsic meaning. Probably each day of the year is a holiday in some culture somewhere in the world (certainly each day is SOMEBODY'S birthday). When we say "holiday" we mean the holidays that are common in our Anglo-American Judeo-Christian society. Those - the holidays our friends and neighbors celebrate - are the ones that we think we "ought" to feel something about.
[Please take off your multi-culturalism politically correct hats for a moment]
We here in the USA do not celebrate Boxing Day, a day of great tradition to our neighbors in Canada. We can't imagine what makes Boxing Day so special. Likewise, it doesn't occur to us that maybe we should feel that ramadan or bon odori should be "special" days.
Why?
Because ramadan and bon odori are not days that have very much emotional context in our Anglo-American, Judeo-Christian society. Most people that we grew up with - most people in our neighborhoods - do not celebrate these holidays.
As JWs, we were "no part of the world" and we never formed the emotional links that tie our friends and neighbors to their celebrations of so many traditional holidays. We have no fond memories of Grandma and Grandpa, Aunts and Uncles, cousins and friends from school with whom we enjoyed the holidays because THESE THINGS ARE NOT PART OF OUR EXPERIENCE.
So it's nothing to feel ashamed of - nothing that you should feel makes you deficient in some way. If you want to, you can begin a new history of personal traditions. If you don't want to, don't feel bad - there are more "holiday orphans" in our society today than ever before. It ain't a bad thing. It ain't a good thing - it's just a thing.
You can explain to people that you were raised in a religius cult if you want a conversation-starter.
I haven't been able to make my mind up about christmas or easter and haven't celebrated them yet.
But celebrating Birthdays came easily.......................
I'm that way about some of the holidays. I'm even glad not to have to deal with them to the extent that many co-workers and non-JW relatives have to. Others, though, I have come to enjoy. I'll never be really big about making a big deal about any of them, but some I look forward to and enjoy however I can(as a faded one with family still in) and others I'll just endure and not give much thought to them.
Even though we may be out of the grasp of the WTS doesn't mean we have to fall for the marketing of every single holiday that comes around. If you like one, enjoy it. If one doesn't appeal to you, don't celebrate it. No longer do you "not have to" celebrate because someone told you couldn't. Now you can pick and choose what you want to celebrate, if any.
I vowed to celebrate Christmas the day my son was born. I had only been out four or five years, and didn't bother with it those years. It was so exciting to watch his eyes light up as he opened presents. Very gratifying. Now that he's not living at home anymore, we didn't even bother putting up a tree. My husband is not, nor ever was, a JW and has always had Christmas, and HE'S glad not to have to deal with the decorations and all that crap. However, my favorite part of the year *is* Christmas, because it comes right after Thanksgiving, and since most of my JW raised family is out, including my Dad who never was, it's two very special times back to back to get together and share a meal and laughs. As each brother and sister left home, they left the influence of the JW's and more were added to the holiday celebrations. Big family, lol. I live very far out in the country from them, and it's only occasionally we get together, so it's really great. To me, that's what it's all about: sharing a very special day with family. My favorite part of it is picking presents that they will love and watching them opening them, even though they weren't under a tree this year.. hehheh. My Dad *always* loves his cigars, and I got him some very nice ones this year.
CG
No silly. What you may not have realised is that the holidays, special events etc only have whatever meaning you give to it. For example, Christmas has only been a ritual type thing that one went through as a matter of routein and it was expected etc etc. However last christmas I was determined to be special and wonderful as it was the first christmas I could ever hold for my family and I was determined it was going to be one of the best ever and it was.
Its like life, you only get out of it what you put into it. Sit back and expect everything to come to you and put no effort in it then nothing great will happen. Put lots of effort and fill it with love and laughter then life will be great. Put your own meaning into holidays. Like I believe Americans celebrate thanksgiving with turkeys and such before christmas. So put meaning into giving thanks. What are you thankful for>> what are you glad you got rid of and so on and celebrate that. Be an active participant in your own life, not a spectator. Dont sit back and expect things to happen, make things happen, put the meaning you want into them and stuff like that. What have you got to lose?
