I'm not a born in but my parents became jws when I was about 3 years old. I left at 18 after I was accused of having sex with my future wife. Truth is we hadn't done anything remotely close. No kissing,no heavy petting or anything. The elders just didn't believe me even though they watched me grow up. So I got out. I believe I was dfd but never went back to find out. I haven't seen my family in over 30 years. I looked up my mother and step father yesterday and found out they are still alive and that made me wonder about where they think they are going after death. I think they would believe they go nowhere and will just be dead but will be resurrected later. I always thought as a kid that they had a real fear of dying and that's why they became jws. So to me it's ironic that they have no hope of going to heaven at death. Am I right about the jw doctrine here?
After death
by Willie647 16 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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FayeDunaway
Yes, that particular JW doctrine hasn't changed. Be glad you were falsely accused and got to live your life. I'm sorry you lost your family tho under these accusations. What a horrible religion, hurting its own for no reason. It's the opposite of Christlike. -
LV101
Willie647 - Welcome if this is your first post and how awful of them to make accusations - although it's what cults do to bully the innocent/good. To bad you couldn't sue the cult -- I don't know that you can't or couldn't back then in your case. America and it's protection of religious/ponsi schemes -- makes me sick! What's even more evil and amazing is how parents carry on with their loyalty witnessing the defamation of their child to save their own hide from death hype/fantasies and for a few so-called friends. Of course, they can make a name for themselves and be a big shot inside and that power is quite an aphrodisiac -- more than even money, so they say.
You are strong and knew best to flee from the evil to protect yourself/wife and are one of the fortunate survivors. A life of freedom and opportunity many are too afraid to risk -- you are to be commended. A delusional elder/elderette probably had you or your wife selected for their child or friend's child. They are malevolent losers.
Stay strong and hang onto your hair - lots of reality onboard re/religion/death - you name it.
Best!
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Willie647
It was hard,Faye. At 17 I was running the sound system for the hall,quit school to pioneer full time and giving talks at circuit assemblies. I even gave the instruction talk,15 minutes at a circuit assembly. I believed it all. Our old man congregation overseer was a man I thought the world of and he sat in the meeting where I was accused by a young elder and didn't say a thing to help me. I was the leader in magazine placement and books at that hall. Had several bible studies and several people got baptized that I studied with. I helped fill seats. This was about the time the elder system was started up. I didn't even know that I was going to a judicial meeting. I was just 18 and six months old,having moved out of the house and supporting myself. I was dating a jw girl and was a virgin. We did hold hands however. The meeting was kind of a stalemate as I wouldn't admit wrongdoing as I had done nothing wrong so whoever accused me couldn't have proof. My impression at the time was the elders were a bunch of dirty old men wanting juicy info so they could do whatever to me. I denied everything,waited till the end of the meeting,stood up,didn't speak to them or shake hands,and just walked out the door never to return. Still married the jw girl but that was a bust after five years as we both grew up. So at 18 I lost my family and everyone I knew as friends. Hard but doable. I never felt a need to return. This site is really great as I don't feel so alone now. I realize I am not the only one. -
FayeDunaway
Willie you are not the only one! But your situation is still surprising, that they would accuse you of those things and not respect your word, since you had been given so many responsibilites and were obviously respected up to that point. I am surprised you never even kissed tho, these things are natural!! Yes there are a lot of repressed people in that religion, they probably would deny they were asking questions because of their own dirty minds but there's no doubt they are getting thrills from these inquiries.
You must have felt so alone. I hope you went on to making your own family and community after everyone shunned you. It's like it can't even be real, it's otherworldly...like something out if Salem Massachusetts in the Puritan era...but it's still happening today.
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elbib
Willie647,
"Be glad you were falsely accused" which gave you freedom from fanaticism.
Regarding your question: What happens after death?
It's a surprise--I would keep it as surprise to be experienced in its own time.
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stuckinarut2
Sadly, FACTS have little influence on a judicial committee once the wheels are in motion.
It is mainly about "perceptions and innuendo"
Many wake up after events like this, as they see little point in trying to prove ones spirituality or innocence just to stay within a group that has been so quick to be judgemental. Why stay in an abusive relationship?
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Crazyguy
I know a woman that went through a similar situation when she was a teen. New male study was hot after her. I believe he got baptised and when she would not respond to his advances he went to the elders claiming they messed around. She denied it and despite the fact she grew up in that hall they didn't believe her and publicly reproved her. She never went back. -
Pete Zahut
Unfortunately yours isn't an isolated incident. Such a loss of years of togetherness with your family....30 years gone...all for nothing. I can't help but wonder what is going through your parents minds now that they have grown old . If your parents are as afraid of dying as you say, I could see how they could write you off thinking they were doing the right thing for God and in turn saving their own hides in the process. I couldn't bear to cut my Sons out of my life, no matter what they may have done. Especially having done so because of a set of beliefs being enforced by a religion only to later see many of those beliefs fail or drastically change.
Did your first wife get DF'd too and did she loose here family? Is she a JW now? Did anything good come of all this?
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Willie647
Thanks to all of you for the comments. I've been lurking here for some time but I guess I wasn't ready till now to share. But now that I've started....... I'll tell the story. My mother and step father got together when I was about two. I have an older sister,by 2 years and can only tell what I was told about those days. I don't really remember my father as I was so young when they split. My mother always said he was older and her parents made her marry him. My sis was born when our mom was 17 and me when she was 19. Mom played the organ and moved us to NY to have a career. Our dad was there too. Then she met the piano player and ran our dad off and married him. There was something strange going on as they went to 3 states to do a divorce,marriage and adoption. I never saw my dad again but now had a new name and birth certificate and all records were sealed. And a stern step father who ran us like he was a general in the army. Both parents played music as much as they could and drank and partied hard. When they became jws nothing really changed except we didn't celebrate holidays etc. they still drank and played nightclubs while we,sister and I, stayed at friends and babysitters all the time. And the hitting began and didn't stop till I was 17 or so. My sister left to get married at 17 so she could have sex before Armageddon came. I also had a little sister years before this,four years younger than me. I went thru all the school troubles as I wouldn't do all the school stuff,you know what I'm saying. It was a terrible time of life. Tormented at school,tormented at home, then all those meetings. But I tried to be a good son but it was never enough. Drunken hungover parents were hard to deal with. I believe there is nothing worse than a hungover abusive stepfather. When the society started the elder program again we had a circuit overseer come to our house. We always had them over as we were such an good jw family. My sisters and I got hamburgers for dinner and the guests got lobster and such. I hated that and later made sure my daughter got to eat what we did no matter what. We never had any money growing up but always could afford booze and lots of it. So this overseer came over all week and they drank and played music together. Then he made my stepfather an elder. My stepfather never went door to door as he didn't want to but the co told him to write hours anytime he talked about the truth. When I was about 14 I dreamed about suicide but just couldn't do it- barely. My next dream was leaving home. I sat with them one night after I turned 17 and informed them I was leaving but they just said no and said the police would bring me back if I tried. They were right by law. All this time we were the perfect jw family at the hall. My stepfather was a electrician with a one truck company so I had worked since I was 14. I was forced to. I never did homework as we worked late, by the time he got over his hangover it was always late. One day I was called to the guidance counselors office and asked why I didn't do homework. I said because I worked. Big mistake. After being beaten for that we had to fill out weekly forms because NY had child labor laws. I could only work a few hours a week. Nothing changed,we just filled out the forms and lied and he,his elderness,signed them. And I got .25 cents an hour but only if he had money and was in a good mood. At 16 I got .50 an hour. I saved all I could and dropped out of school as my older sister had done. Pioneered and worked and planned my escape. Bought an old car,1964 ford falcon four door,of course,with a bad motor. Spent my free nights the winter I was 15 changing the motor with one from a 1961 falcon I bought for 20 dollars. Always below zero in that old barn but at least I wasn't in the house. My parents didn't get many nightclub jobs in those days so they just sat home and drank. The barn was my escape. I stayed alive in those days by dreaming of the day I could finally leave. I kept my mouth shut,worked as hard as I could and stayed low. Got my drivers license at 16,on my birthday,in my own car with my own insurance. My mother went with me for the test,I don't remember how or why she did this but stepfather wouldn't help at all. I believe he wanted to keep me enslaved as long as he could. Mostly what I remember about those days was how alone I felt. I knew my hall friends were not really my friends and had no others. As I got closer to 18 bethel started to come up. It would make my elder stepfather look so good if I went there. I had no intention of going there but I didn't tell them that. It was 1973. As my birthday got closer I asked my parents if I could leave on my birthday or did I have to wait till the next day. I lined up a place to live and planned. As the day got closer I was treated better at home. My stepfather even offered me $ 1.65 an hour to keep working for him. That was minimum wage at the time. His competitor had already offered me a job at $ 4.50 an hour because he knew I had been working for a long time and I was good at it. My parents were so proud of their little offer till I said no. Then the guilt trip began. So my birthday finally came. I got up that morning,realized no one would talk to me so I got my stuff and left. New life,new job,new hope. I went back to see my family a couple of weeks later and found they had remodeled my room,they didn't need the room for anything but they had erased every sign of me ever living there. I just didn't exist there anymore. So I left again and never went back there. Home,bad as it was,was gone. Next was the meeting with the elders and then I was gone. I never went to another meeting again. I was alone but always felt there was many worse off than me so I hung in,worked hard and survived. I didn't see family that time for the next five years.
I will write more later. Thanks for listening. I think this is good for me as I've never really spoken of those times. I feel better.