Scooby, I understand where you are coming from. I still love Jehovah and do believe in him. I totally felt like I failed as a witness. That was in part why I gave up, although it was not the straw that broke the camels back. But the thing is, the things we have been taught since being out also shows us hypocrasies in the religion. It isn't that I don't think some of what they teach to be accurate but if they hide things and change information on the cds as if it 'never had been written' (a claim they use to prove the bible is accurate because bible writers never changed history to make themselves look good, where as worldly nations did), that really bothers me. If they have nothing to hide, then why not leave things as they said in the past just write explainations of why the 'light is getting brighter'. Something is wrong with this picture? And why if this is the only true religion, is there so much lack of love, the one thing we were taught would be the identifying mark of Jesus' followers.
When I think about these things it helps me realize I don't have to feel guilty for leaving. I really don't think it is the true religion. I don't know if there is one religion. All I know is that I would expect no hypocrasy in any religion which God would direct as his earthly organization. I would not expect to always feel like a failure as I tried with all my heart and will to be a good and obedient servant.
I know you have gone through some stuff with losing your grandfather and I think in times like those, we need more answers. We want to beleive in what we were taught because it did give us some comfort. I don't know what the answers are there..
but I do think you are an awesome person and hope you can let go of the guilt.