I find not apologizing often a function of who has the authority or the perceived authority rather than gender. Those with authority (or think they do) feel if they apologize, they will not have the same respect or obedience from those they wield authority over.
That's a very interesting statement referring to this subject. While I agree that this applies to MANY aspects of a relationship, it may or may not apply here.
My experience has been that people will apoligize very quickly, but will rarely admit they were in the wrong. You get statements like "Well, I'm sorry, but..." It's that "but..." that makes all the difference. This is where me and my fiance's personalities clash big time, I will not apologize if I'm not in the wrong, but she'll demand an apology.
As for when it applies to who has authority in the relationship, one person will always cave right away and adjust the situation to make themselves in the wrong just to make the authority figure "happy".
edited: One point I forgot to add is arguments are usually where the "power struggle" happens, and the authority is handed from one person to the other.
you can't win an argument with the woman you are with. You should not even try. They will not let you win in the end. They don't play by the same rules a fellow man does. You are out classed when it comes to anticipating her logic. Be a man and take the hit and move on.
Mav, perhaps you are letting your bad experience color your remarks? Not all women are the same quite obviously. I think most sensible people, either gender, will apologize when they are in the wrong.
You can add me to the list of over apologizers. Even when I have nothing to apologize for, I still do it. I want everyone around me to be appeased. Sometimes at the detriment of my own happiness. The problem with this is that when I do apologize it's open to criticism. Am I really, sincerely sorry or am I just trying to keep everyone happy. I guess you'd be able to tell if you could hear my tone of voice.
You can add me to the list of over apologizers. Even when I have nothing to apologize for, I still do it. I want everyone around me to be appeased. Sometimes at the detriment of my own happiness.
Valis, I apologize when I have something to apologize for as well, at times, when I don't. If someone brings something up to me where I may have misstepped I'm fine with admitting it. However, sometimes, I take the blame for things that aren't my fault. It's very hard to understand someone's intentions through a medium such as the internet. I'd say I take the blame for things with sincerity 99% of the time. Only 1% is to keep others happy and that is mostly with close friends and family and not with people that I don't know very well. I hope that eases your mind on the subject.
Azz...I was joking woman. Apologizing for your apologizing... But I know what you're saying. Most of the time I would rather get on with it than otherwise.
I'm one who will apologize to my hubby for every small infraction under the sun, whether it requires one or not (i.e. too much dill in the soup, laundry piled on the couch etc.). Where I NEVER apologize is for the "important" issues, ones that actually require disagreement. That's because I tend to be a "reactionary" person. Therefore I can find "justification" for any comments/actions I may make. I don't wish to show "weakness" in a disagreement because in some way that will only give him ammo - so he HAS to apologize first.
Even though I may not "apologize" verbally, I do try to show through action that I did feel bad by trying to change the behavior/comment that required an apology (i.e. the next argument I don't call him a "limp **** bastard & throw his $3000.00 stereo system out the window) (that was a joke - it was only a $2000.00 system)
Besides, I'm sick of being apologized too - and that's where men are different as well. Of the few issues my hubby & I have regarding "his" behaviors that bother me - in 9 years I've had probably 10,000 apologies, but no change in the behavior - go figure.
Most of the time I would rather get on with it than otherwise.
Yeah, me too. Go figure...
I'm one who will apologize to my hubby for every small infraction under the sun, whether it requires one or not (i.e. too much dill in the soup, laundry piled on the couch etc.).
...the lasagna is too soupy... You do seem to take too much upon yourself Petty hon. You are not a master of the universe and neither are any of us. We all screw up (although the lasagna was excellent no matter what you say) and that's what makes us interesting. No one, no matter what they say, would be happy with any entirely perfect person around. The imperfections are what make us interesting. Love ya girlie!
NOPE! I've found in my experience that a woman is more likely to apologize in a situation calling for an apology........ a man would rather have a root canal and cannot get the "S" or "A" words out of his sorry-*ssed mouth.... and if he DOES manage to apologize, he is totally insincere.....of course...this is the South....lotsa "Bubbas" and "Bubbettes" down here.
NOPE! I've found in my experience that a woman is more likely to apologize in a situation calling for an apology........ a man would rather have a root canal and cannot get the "S" or "A" words out of his sorry-*ssed mouth.... and if he DOES manage to apologize, he is totally insincere.....of course...this is the South....lotsa "Bubbas" and "Bubbettes" down here.
I never had a problem apologizing when I was wrong about something. Of course, I'm rarely wrong about anything.
I'm usually very sincere in my apologies. The exception to that would be a situation when I might say just about anything to get five minutes of peace and quiet.
