My new issue.....

Joysome

Hi! It's me again. As I've said before I'm very lost and torn and confused. Part of me still believes in the things that I was taught as a JW. But some I don't.

1. Armageddon. Is it fair that millions of children are killed before they even get a chance to think for themselves? Is fair that they pay for their parents "mistakes" through death?

2. The flood. If god destroyed the earth then, Why didn't he just start all over then. Wasn't Noah proof enough that people would serve him regardless?

3. The fact that the organization had a beginning. Meaning if it's the true religion why did it have to just start? I mean wouldn't it have continued on and on and never stopped or started?

4. The fact that so many things are controlled from watching Soap operas to buying a two door car.

5. The disfellowshipping process.

But there are many things that I liked and loved about it.

1. I always had something to do.

2. I used to have a riot in field service. Boy I could tell you some stories.

3. My hall was like watching comedy central. Honestly, the brothers were hilarious on stage.

4. The love. Everyone loved me. I got along with everyone. I mean I was so exemplary that people would have me hang out with their kids to help them and give them someone to look up to. And I loved them all too! I really did.

5. I felt as though I had a purpose. I was going somewhere in life. I don't now. I just don't.

Now I'm going to go back to #4 of the good things about the truth and one more to the bad things. The EXTREME guilt. Because I was so well liked and people looked up to me. I felt bad when I did things that were "wrong"

Then there's my mom. I love that woman so much!! I miss her. And I know that me not being in the truth right now is hurting her bad. Very bad. She deals with major depression. It's causing her so much anxiety. I wouldn't even want to be the last person to cause her anxiety and right now I'm number one. so there's guilt with that.

I'm so confused.

Strawberryfieldsforever

Joysome

I'm so sorry you're confused. I was too for a long time. It sounds like you were happy in the religion. But....there are nagging thoughts? I had those too. I think being on this board will help. I know that you differ with alot of people here, but it's good to listen and just take it in. It's doesn't mean you have to agree. I always thought JW's had tunnel vision. They only look straight ahead, never to the side. There are interesting things on the side. If you took a trip and only looked at the road ahead, you would miss so many beautiful things. There are lots of interesting points and lots of information. I'm happy that you are open minded enough to look off to the side. I feel for you. I lost my mom. It breaks my heart too. But it is her choice not to talk to me. I still love her. But I also love my new life. If she wants to be in it, I will welcome her with loving arms. I'm really glad you're on the board Joysome! Hope we can have lots of comments together!

Strawberryfieldsforever

franklin J

hi Joysome,

I understand what you are going through. The confusion is difficult. I went through it all 20 years ago.

If you feel comfortable staying with the JWs, then do it. And do not let the criticisms of this forum rankle you.

But if you are serious about leaving it and rebuilding your life, then there are some critical first steps:

1) make some new friends on the outside. Imperative to get an outside support network of friends.

2) join clubs and get involved with outside people. Do things ( other than strudy for the watchtower or service)

3) if you can go to school; do it. Or, get a job to distract yourself.

4) if you feel the need to talk to someone; by all means see a counseler ( I did for several years to be deprogrammed). It worked.

There are many self help support groups out there for people trying to rebuild their lives, and this forum is very supportive.

Hang in there. The fog does lift and life really is wonderful ; ultimately, it is what we make it.

good luck

Frank

Nosferatu

1. I always had something to do.

Buy tons of jigsaw puzzled. There's something to do.

2. I used to have a riot in field service. Boy I could tell you some stories.

Find a bar with lots of regulars.

3. My hall was like watching comedy central. Honestly, the brothers were hilarious on stage.

Try owning dysfunctional pets

4. The love. Everyone loved me. I got along with everyone. I mean I was so exemplary that people would have me hang out with their kids to help them and give them someone to look up to. And I loved them all too! I really did.

Again, dysfunctional pets. Babysitting.

5. I felt as though I had a purpose. I was going somewhere in life. I don't now. I just don't.

Write out a list of things you would like to achieve in life. Then work on achieving them.

What I'm trying to say is all these little "voids" can be filled with other things. The great thing is filling up these voids with non-JW-related activities is you won't have the side effects of the JW religion present (ie donations, the "do more" talks, having your ass fall asleep at assemblies, etc).

I know that me not being in the truth right now is hurting her bad. Very bad. She deals with major depression. It's causing her so much anxiety. I wouldn't even want to be the last person to cause her anxiety and right now I'm number one.

it's not you who's causing your mother anxiety, she's bringing it on herself by choosing to shun you (if she's shunning you), or being unhappy that you're making choices in your own life. Your mother's reaction to what you do is not your problem. It's hers. You have every right to make choices that are best for you. If your mother can't do the same for herself, she's the one that has to deal with it. The only thing you can do is offer to help. You cannot be the direct cause because you and your mother are two completely different people. You both have different living situations, different jobs, different opinions, different responsibilities.

It gets better with time, knowledge, and experience. I wish you the best.

Tashawaa

But there are many things that I liked and loved about it.
1. I always had something to do.
2. I used to have a riot in field service. Boy I could tell you some stories.
3. My hall was like watching comedy central. Honestly, the brothers were hilarious on stage.
4. The love. Everyone loved me. I got along with everyone. I mean I was so exemplary that people would have me hang out with their kids to help them and give them someone to look up to. And I loved them all too! I really did.
5. I felt as though I had a purpose. I was going somewhere in life. I don't now. I just don't.

Joysome...

It appears you enjoyed the social aspect of the religion. Perhaps even "helping" people in the ministry. Have you thought about volunteering? There are plenty of organizations that could use your help... and you would make friends through the volunteer activities. Its a great way to "get involved" and would also give you that feeling of "being looked up to".

Please don't take this as offensive, but it appears that your ego was fed (to a degree) through your "example" in the congregation. Nothing wrong with that - but its hard to replace outside the congregation. Perhaps putting this same effort into being exemplary in a charitable way would help replace that joy you use to get.

Joysome

Here's something that hurt really bad. My mom as I said above deals with depression she always has. Well she was doing so well yesterday and she went to the doctor today and they put her on more meds. Well I was asking what it was that was giving her anxiety. Well one of the things is that she's afraid she's been talking to me too much and she doesn't want to displease Jehovah. Because she's talking to me,her daughter. It just hurts so much. It's not fair. It's not fair at all. Disfellowshipping makes you feel like you are such a terrible person. I mean so bad your MOTHER can't talk to you. It hurts.

Yesterdays Child

Welcome Ohio is big and it's cold here in Cleveland hang in there you are not alone you will find needed support here (((((((((((((joysome))))))))))))) :}

logansrun

Joysome,

What part of Ohio are you in? I have friends in Cincinatti and Cleveland. I know for a fact there are a lot of ex-dubs in Cincy. Try a meet-up.

The issues you describe are common for anyone breaking free from any system of cultish behavior be it the JWs, Mormons....heck, even some pyramid schemes are like cults. Keep your chin up and by all means, read, read, read! Explore the issues you have with the JWs and religion. No, I don't believe any loving God would kill 99.9% of all humanity because they didn't feel like answering the door on a Saturday morning to two badly dressed guys who look like they're simply going to sell them something...

Be well,

Bradley

jgnat

It is very important to separate out your mother's problems with your own. As others have mentioned, sacrificing your PERSONHOOD to ameliorate your mother's depression may help for a time, but neither will she ever be FULLY happy unless she stops letting an organization tell her when and how much she can love her own daughter.

As for having focus and direction, people outside cults learn to do this all by themselves. I think you would benefit greatly from learning to create your own dreams and goals. Here is one tipsheet that might help:

http://www.bustin.com/ourfirm/news/bulletins/bulletin_july03.pdf

Believe me, it is far more exhilarating to achieve a personal goal, than to meet someone else's demands.

kj

(((Joysome))) I'm so sorry you're going through this with your mother. I've had some unpleasant conversations like that with my mom, too. My mom tried to suck me into the JWs, and at one time I thought they made a lot of sense. But then you start to research sites like this one, and there are too many red flags for them to be the "truth". You sound like a good person, don't let this religion beat you down. PM me if you want.

kj

My new issue.....

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