Why does it have to be done in front of someone? Why isn't it just a personal process?
It has to be done in front of someone?? ?? That's news. It is SUPPOSED to be a personal process. Are you sure you understood those pastors right??
Thoughts about "work"...
Speaking off the top of my head... Salvation, I guess, is just agreeing to put God back in His rightful spot. That is a "work", if you will. You say you're sorry (repent) for the things you know you did were wrong. That's another "work", I think. Faith is a "work", as it really pays a compliment to God in a great way, when you think about it... ("This is the work of God, to believe on the one He has sent.") . Forgiving those who have wronged you is one of the greatest "works" that result from all of the above. Acting charitably is a "work"--this has very, very broad application.
You really, really have to realize that what God means by "work" and what you've been trained to understand as "work" are two different things. When you realize this, you will probably feel a great weight lift off your shoulders.
Thoughts about being born again...
God is good and His love gave us what we needed: a savior. Taking that offer results in God recreating you, since now you've given permission. You don't think much (or at all) about each breath you take, nevertheless you automatically breathe and you grow, so likewise, don't fret about "feelings" or definitions or theology about what is God is doing. Just do whatever you KNOW you should, and God will graciously get the process rolling for you, even while you might be very unaware of it. Be faithful in the little things you know: live simply, with charity to men and humility before God, and trust in God's love. God will be pleased, and help you at your own pace to bigger things.
My thoughts.
bebu