Please understand...
I could create an alias for myself on this board, but frankly - I am not in need at this time to vocalize and grieve. Like many of you, Codeblue finds GREAT value in her participation on this board and I am happy for all of you! I on the other hand am at peace with my decisions and my stand against the issues at hand.
I am NOT 'hiding'!! (as has been suggested)
I have made a firm decision to fade and am very content in this peaceful state. This decision and action is how I (personally) answered the title of this thread. I choose NOT to permit the issues present within the society as acceptable - because I feel that if I turned a blind eye to these issues, I would be promoting such corruption! I feel there is 'guilt by association'.
Therefore, through my actions to fade, I effectively broke my ties to the organization.
I do not need to verbalize my position on this matter in order to make a choice! Actions usually speak much louder than words anyways. There is a saying of people who are "all talk": "Your actions are speaking SO loudly that I can't hear a word you are saying".
It is my wish that my actions shout to everyone that what I have witnessed is wrong! I wish to set an example to others that it is possible to move on from this disgraceful organization - without causing chaotic destruction to my personal life, along with deep personal resentment and hatred of others.
At the risk of sounding arrogant or pieous (forgive me...), I am personally focused on dealing with these issues surrounding the WTBTS in this way:
I am focused embracing (!!) the emotions that naturally come with this experience.
My experiences PALE in comparison to so many of you on this board! I am stunned by what I have read! My heart pains for each of you. But rest assured, I too have pained deeply as a result of what I viewed as a clear betrayal and lies. I have groaned in spirit for years over what I have seen. I have personally been DF'd and reinstated - all in an unjust and non Christian manner. I have been lied to and truly betrayed - not only in business in the tune of 10's of thousands of dollars by an elder, but also in my previous marriage of 16 years! I have seen my children sob tears over the loss of their family because Mommy became an cigarett smoking, alcoholic whore - all the while conducting up to SIX Bible studies and giving talks. I have seen my children resent God because of what has happened. I have seen many friends whose family foundation has become rocked due to some predator stealing their children's innocence and receive safety and sanctuary behind the cloak of the elders in the congregation (regardless of the direction given in that letter that was read in the congregations!!).
I believe I have much that I could type on this board in my grief and utter disgust! Please be assured that I understand how important it is to express yourself in writing about how you are feeling as you heal from these traumatic experiences! I have done this in my own personal journal as I analysed my own faith and spirituality over several years. When I was ready... I have also found a great healing value in printing out, re reading, burning and then celebrating the destruction of this journal.
How much more enriched I have become as a result of this experience! I have learned SO much as it relates to the nature of man. The corruption that naturally comes to simple, uneducated men (janitors and window washers) that are given enormous power and unlimited authority (MS, elders, Governing Body etc). I have learned how to find and identify true friendships. I have learned the consequences of harbouring hatred, and the calming, peaceful effects of 'real' forgiveness. (man!! that was hard!!) I have learned what it means to have a real relationship with my children; not one based on reading Young People Ask books, and teaching them to solicit WT & Awake mags at the door. I have learned that it is NOT my duty to control the choices and actions of my wife! (that was a biggie!) I am not responsible for another person's choices and behavior. I have learned that the only person that I can control ... is "me"; and as a result of that realization - I am now in the most healthy, nourishing and rewarding marriage that I could ever dream of! A relationship of trust... honor... and love.
I am so proud of my wife!
And I never would have found her if I didn't go through everything I mentioned above.
This whole thing about the corruption within the WTBTS has (IMHO) made me a better Christian and husband.
As a result of "witnessing" all this... (no pun intended) ...I now know exactly what Christ directed us to watch out for!
I am a better person as a result of my painful experience - and I don't resent anyone for showing me, and teaching me how to be a better human being. I just happened to learn this through a demonstration of how NOT to behave - instead of an example that was worthy of imitation.
I learned a bigger lesson this way.
Mr. Codeblue
PS... Please forgive me for posting under my wife's name. I feel that if I were to continue to post here - I wouldn't progress. I am trying very hard to live and celebrate today and tomorrow with my new 'spirituality'. I do not wish to stay hooked to the bad experiences of my past.
I wish each of you a speedy healing process.