When I was an elder, a young sister got herself pregnant. She was a very sweet young lady. Because of fear of being exposed for making a mistake, she hid the pregnancy by having an abortion. She came from a very strict family. What kind of religion creates an environment where a young girl can not turn to her parents or elders to get help. Fear of punishment drove this girl to make the decision to have an abortion. Fear of the WTBTS is greater than the gift of life. You can not prove it in a court of law, but I know in my heart the doctrines of the Watchtower took 2 lives away. The baby, and the mother(she was D'fed anyways).
Did being a JW kill this young girl's baby?
by Smyler 17 Replies latest jw friends
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talesin
Growing up in a strict home, Phifer had an exaggerated fear of disappointing her parents. Life already had been difficult. She had flunked at least three grades and dropped out of high school. In their investigation, police would find years-old suicide letters Phifer had written after she was raped at 11 by an older male relative.
In her devout Jehovah's Witness family, Phifer grew up hearing that sex before marriage was immoral. Her parents didn't know about the rape. They would have been mortified had they known about the pregnancy. She saw her situation as hopeless and believed she had no options.
This is, imo, how many abused JW children feel. They are taught from birth that teachers, medical professionals, all clergy and police (to name a few) are not to be trusted. This can have a profound effect on their (lack of) recovery. Where can one of these children turn?
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cruzanheart
I agree that we are seeing a lot more of this and not necessarily all JW-related. I also agree that a strict, judgmental upbringing can cause a girl to be afraid to tell her parents or just want to dissociate from the whole thing. We're trying to raise our kids to know that we expect certain things of them and hold them to good moral standards, BUT mistakes happen and we are there for them no matter what. Jennie is kind of a perfectionist and I don't want her to get pregnant and then think she has to deal with it herself. I will NOT have any of my grandchildren ending up in a dumpster!!! As for happy-go-lucky Jackson, I really hope we can teach responsibility for his hormones before they start buzzing and, if something happens, I hope he will feel comfortable enough to tell us before the girl's father calls and yells at us.
Can I fast forward over the teenage years?
Nina (who just scared herself)
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Sara Annie
When I was an elder, a young sister got herself pregnant.
No, she didn't get herself pregnant. She got pregnant, yes, but she hardly did that all by herself--I am sure your wording wasn't intentional, but it's indicative of the current climate in our culture that tends to absolve young men of their equal responsiblity in the creation of a teenage pregnancy (and their responsibilities thereafter, for that matter).
But as to the topic at hand, I agree that her JW upbringing was likely a causal factor in the actions surrounding her pregnancy, but this young woman was obviously not well (though I suppose one could argue that her experience in a JW home was a causal factor in the development of her mental illnesses as well, but that's another thread).
Many states now have safe harbor laws that allow for young people in just this situation to drop their children off safely without fear of criminal prosecution. I think these laws are a good stop-gap measure, and will save the lives of newborns that would likely otherwise die, but I do think that women in this situation need a great deal of medical and psychiatric help. Young girls who make the choice to hide their pregnancies, deliver babies on their own, and abandon or murder the children afterward are not 'otherwise' well adjusted, intelligent, sweet girls. They are sick, and need immediate, intensive mental health care to diagnose and treat the personality disorder that allowed such a thing to happen.
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little witch
Thankyou Smyler for bringing this story to the forum.
Personally I dont feel this woman should be in prison. She would have been better served in a half-way house, given proper medical care, and the emotional support lacking from her family. She doesnt sound like a threat to society to me, only immature and an abuse survivor.
I get so mad to hear that a victim doesnt have good judgement, and gets punished again for it.
And Cruzen, I relate to finding that balance. I too want my children informed and want them to be moral. What a tight rope to teach, especially when we are novices at being truly good parents.
The key that is important is unconditonal love. Openess, and the understanding that perfection is not obtainable, and mistakes are a part of life.
Now I am going to talk to my kids. I want to share this thread with them,and have a discussion.
Thanks again Smyler. You show maturity and concern by posting this heartbreaking account of what strict conditional love can do.
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Country Girl
I think it, once again, comes down to culture. We are taught that we *should* be nurturing, caring, and loving and the give-all, be-all, for our children. We are taught by endless NATURE shows that Mamma bears protect the baby bears, at expense to their life. We are taught by many, many cultures throughout the world that if you don't have that "natural" instinct to have and protect your babies, then something must be wrong with you. What's wrong with this theory is that we don't *all* have the natural, maternal instinct that everyone subscribes to us. It has even been proven, many times around, that some mammalian mothers just don't give one iota of care to their offspring. Sure, some Mamas are natural born Mamas, and some have to learn, and some just aren't cracked up for it.
It's ESPECIALLY hard when your parents will be ostracized, you will be disfellowshipped, and your whole life will be played out in front of a whole mess of people if you should have a baby out of wedlock. Especially for a teenager who was raised with this mass congregation thinking. It's no excuse, but I think it's a mitigating factor.
CG
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WhyNow2000
No!
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flower
interesting thread...