On Becoming Fearless....a serious post

Frannie Banannie

"He who carves up his own personality to suit other people soon whittles it away to nothing". LETTING GO OF FEAR AND BECOMING FEARLESS
by Brian Tracy http://www.qksrv.net/click-229295-2834644

OVERCOME A MAJOR FEAR
A major source of stress in your life is the "fear of rejection" or fear of criticism. This fear of rejection manifests itself in an over-concern for the approval or disapproval of your boss or other people. The fear of rejection is often learned in early childhood as the result of a parent giving the child what psychologists call "conditional love."

RISE ABOVE THE NEED FOR APPROVAL
Many parents made the mistake of giving love and approval to their children only when their children did something that they wanted them to do. A child who has grown up with this kind of conditional love tends to seek for unconditional approval from others all his or her life. When the child becomes an adult, this need for approval from the parent is transferred to the workplace and onto the boss, or friends. The adult employee can then become preoccupied with the opinion of the boss, or friends. This preoccupation can lead to an obsession to perform to some undetermined high standard.

AVOID TYPE-A BEHAVIOR
Drs. Rosenman and Friedman, two San Francisco heart specialists, have defined this obsession for performance as "Type-A behavior." Experts have concluded that approximately 60 percent of men and as many as 10 percent of women are people with Type-A behavior.

DON'T BURN YOURSELF OUT
This Type-A behavior can vary from mild forms to extreme cases. People who are what they call "true Type A's" usually put so much pressure on themselves to perform in order to please their bosses that they burn themselves out. They often die of heart attacks before the age of 55. This Type-A behavior, triggered by conditional love in childhood, is a very serious stress-related phenomenon in the American workplace.

ACTION EXERCISES
Here are two things you can do immediately to deal with the fear of rejection, criticism and disapproval.

First, realize and accept that the opinions of others are not important enough for you to feel stressed, unhappy or overly concerned about them. Even if they dislike you entirely, it has nothing to do with your own personal worth and value as a person.

Second, refuse to be overly concerned about what you think people are thinking about you. The fact is that most people are not thinking about you at all. Relax and get on with your life. :*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.Spirit.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.

Free to choose

"Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility."

-- Sigmund Freud

In his book Nobody's Victim, Christopher J. McCullough explains, "In order to live your freedom, you must first accept reality. 'These are the choices, and given those choices, which do I choose?' Whether the option you select is pleasant or painful does not alter the fact that, given reality, this is your preference.

"To live your freedom, it is helpful to stop and ask yourself, 'Why am I doing this?' and then notice whether, given the options, you are choosing what you really want, or whether you want to choose something else.... Sometimes the exercise of freedom involves naming your poison -- all choices may lead to outcomes that are in some way painful. But the real pain is that of feeling powerless -- denying your freedom."

"Freedom is man's capacity to take a hand in his own development. It is our capacity to mold ourselves."

-- Dr. Rollo May

dustyb

i think a lot of people fear the truth (not the truth(tm), but really the truth). that and rejection. if you can overcome those two things you have balls of steel....

Phantom Stranger

The points made are correct... and the challenge is that it's an emotional choice, not a purely mental one. But it's true...

I like how another personal growth trainer said it once: What other people think of you is none of your business.

SpunkyChick

A really great book is Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, by Susan Jeffers. She also has it on cassette (found it at the library)

Frannie Banannie

i think a lot of people fear the truth (not the truth(tm), but really the truth). that and rejection. if you can overcome those two things you have balls of steel....

I think you're right, dustyb....just don't ever kick someone in the cajonies who's overcome those two fears, eh?

I like how another personal growth trainer said it once: What other people think of you is none of your business.

LOL, Phantom! That is SO true!!! I particularly wouldn't want say....a serial killer to know what I thought about him...heheheh

A really great book is Feal the Fear and Do It Anyway, by Susan Jeffers. She also has it on cassette (found it at the library)

Sounds like a good book to have, Spunk! Thanks

Frannie B

joenobody

Umm.... personally, my feelings on "Fear" can be summed up by the treatment of the subject in "Donnie Darko". Patrick Swayze plays Jim Cunningham, a self-help guru who associates all problems with "Fear and Love".

Anyone know what I am talking about?

Carmel

Screw it! I want to be type A!

caveman

Frannie Banannie

Anyone know what I am talking about?

Can't say that I do, Joe

Screw it! I want to be type A!

LOL, Carmel! I already am to an extent...heh

Frannie B

itsallgoodnow

Thanks for that info... I've been realizing that one of the biggest things that drives my decision making processes is the need to please people, and I've been working on putting that behind me. So this really makes a lot of sense to me.

Sad emo

ACTION EXERCISES

Here are two things you can do immediately to deal with the fear of rejection, criticism and disapproval.

First, realize and accept that the opinions of others are not important enough for you to feel stressed, unhappy or overly concerned about them. Even if they dislike you entirely, it has nothing to do with your own personal worth and value as a person.

Second, refuse to be overly concerned about what you think people are thinking about you. The fact is that most people are not thinking about you at all. Relax and get on with your life. :*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.Spirit.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:.

Ressurrecting this thread because it has priceless advice! (missing ya, frannie)

Possibly the two best excercises my counsellor gave me to do last year!

On Becoming Fearless....a serious post

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