I've finally found out my BIG PROBLEM with women.....

by logansrun 124 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  czarofmischief

  It changes with age, both of the woman and of the man. Generally speaking, younger girls, like 18 or so, don't know what they want, don't really know how to have sex, and are terrified that they are going to get old alone; so they want the relationship. A little bit older, and the women have more self-confidence, especially if they have a job and a good thing going in their lives, so they expect a lot of romance and massages and worship, basically. Then they hit late-twenties, thirty, and their sexual peak, so they are more likely to hook up for a night or two or try freaky stuff (menage-a-trois?). Then they get older and they are more likely to settle down - but they aren't afraid of getting old alone, either. More resigned, so they are more comfortable with themselves, and their experience makes them fantastic lovers. But they don't demand too much.

  This is all just averages, really. Individuals are more complicated.

  Are you a virgin Bradley?

  CZAR
• 

  Billygoat

  Bradley,

  I haven't read through all the posts, so I don't know if this helps. I thought it might though...

  On my first date with my husband, he picked me up at my apartment. We were both a little nervous as we'd been seeing each other as "friends" for several weeks, but this was our first "date". I made sure to wear just the right outfit, perfume, shoes, etc. He looked pretty cute himself! As we drove out of the apartment parking lot, he took his gum out of his mouth to throw it out the window. One problem. The window was closed. We both sat there looking at this piece of gum sticking to the inside of his truck window. He very calmly looked at me and said, "That really wasn't supposed to happen. At least not on a first date." And then he had a big smile on his face. I couldn't help but laugh. The fact that he was willing to laugh at his mistakes and not be too self-conscious about them was so attractive to me. He proposed 18 months later and were married 5 months after that. We've only been married for about 17 months, but we still have a ton of fun with each other. Laughter is probably what you'll hear most in our household. We find it takes the stress of the workday off each other. :-)

  So don't feel too embarrassed if you flub when trying to act cool - you may be surprised at the outcome! :-)

  Good luck!
  Andi
• 

  BeautifulGarbage

  so they expect a lot of romance and massages and worship, basically.

  Bold mine.

  I resemble that.
• 

  logansrun

  Czar,

  Always ready to put in your jab, eh? No, I'm not a virgin. Actually, I've had the delights of three ladies. My goal is 20, so I have 17 to go. Then I'll settle down.

  Six,

  I doubt there is some deep Freudian reason for me not asking her number. Just lack of experience in those sort of things.

  B.
• 

  Jim_TX

  Getting in late here...

  Andi has made a good point. Always be willing to laugh - or make the gal laugh. Even if it means you look like a fool. *grin* (I have mastered the 'fake trip' pretty well...)

  I have also found that giving a gal my undivided attention is important. She is the only one there - wherever we are. Eye contact is extremely important... which is usually pretty easy when they have beautiful eyes.

  Mainly - just be yourself.

  As for phone numbers and such - I usually give mine out first. Yes - gals do not usually like to be the one to initiate the phone call - but it shows a willingness on my part to be the first to offer my number. Perhaps gals are a bit more 'bold' here in San Antonio... or they can tell that I ain't a stalker... they usually reciprocate by giving me their phone number. I am usually careful about calling... not too late - not too early... heck... not at all!!! (Right Xena? *wink*)

  I think that guys... and maybe even gals - put too much emphasis on 'what should I do' type of stuff... while it is necessary - it is not all so important that it should ruin an enjoyable evening - or lunch.

  I have gotten comments from strangers when I greet my gal-pals with outstretched arms, followed by a hug - 'More people should greet like that.' (Or some such.)

  Just be yourself. (Oops - I already said that.)

  Regards,

  Jim TX
• 

  drwtsn32

  My goal is 20

  You should tell the prospective GF that she would be 4 of 20... that pickup line's just gotta work!
• 

  SixofNine

  i usually agree with everything Nos says about women/dating type stuff. but!!

  Don't worry tink, Nos is going to cover all this in his book, "The Anal Retentive Gigalo". (Forward by Mav)

  *wipes ketchup off of tinks chin* ....

  *waits for her to kiss me* .........

  *removes salad fork from eyesocket*

  *shit! she can't drive me to the hospital !!!*

  Actually, all of this makes me realize my big problem with women; I don't have an action plan and rules of engagement memorized, dam(k)nit! It's Jehovah's fault for not letting me get in Boy Scouts and learn preparedness.

  I doubt there is some deep Freudian reason for me not asking her number. Just lack of experience in those sort of things.

  Well I'm not looking for anything deep or freudian. But it certainly isn't lack of experience. C'mon man! If you can tell this story, you can dig deep enough and come up with a reason why you didn't try to take it further. There may be some great advice in this thread, but none of it really applies to this particular situation, it seems to me.

  The 10 minute conversation thing sounds like classic ADD, and if so, you'll just have to work around that (or fix it). The not asking for her contact info sounds like fear, which you can't address if you're busy pretending you are fearless. I have some of both, so this is at least an anecdotaly educated guess. And indeed, I suppose the conversation thing can affect the asking out thing, if you feel like you'll blow it 10 minutes into the relationship, you're less likely to feel confident in even trying to start the relationship. So then you have two fears to deal with, fear of failure (which will lead to a rejection) and initial fear of rejection. Heh.. guess this is kinda freudian, lol.
• 

  czarofmischief

  Always ready to put in your jab, eh? No, I'm not a virgin. Actually, I've had the delights of three ladies. My goal is 20, so I have 17 to go. Then I'll settle down.

  I believe you. I was just curious because you seem to talk about sex a lot, and it's a trait of those who think about it a lot, which often means virgins.

  Besides, it really wasn't meant to be a jab. There's nothing wrong with virginity, it doesn't make you any less of a man in my view. Now, needing to assign a number to how many chicks you want to bang before you settle down? That's a little freaky, kind of like an assembly line mentality. This chick is nice, but she's only number 17, so I can't stop here, gotta break her heart, and GO on! That path only leads to greater loneliness, in my opinion.

  It seems that your sexual nature is very much tied to your view of yourself, including your often self-deprecating attitude that might actually highlight inner self-loathing. Perhaps the borg induced this, it has happened before. It is not uncommon for ex-JW's to have recurring sexual problems, physically, and in your case, the mental and emotional side. It's a trauma, being in the cult, and it has a strong attachment to guilt. Maybe it is the inculcated guilt factor that drives you away from attractive women after ten minutes? I know I had a lot of guilt issues to work through about the whole thing, especially when it came time to build a new life with someone special.

  Being funny is the best way to get a chick to like you, and you seem to be able to do it. Stay away from too much self-deprecation, though, most chicks don't want to have to coddle a depressive. The sympathy vote won't get you laid, it'll get you a friend.

  CZAR
• 

  RubyTuesday

  Cracks me up that alot of advice you are getting from the men are way off!! Ask them if they are in a good lasting relationship...I know for a fact some are not.Bottom line is every woman is different,some shy, some outgoing...ect.ect.We are not cookie cutter women.What may work with one may not work with another.

  Biggest turn off is a know it all man with no sense of humor....(someone here that is giving you alot of bad advice...beware!!)

  I think from reading your post that you already have an excellent foundation...great sense of humor..you can laugh at yourself...and your cute...its just a matter of time before you are scooped upJust be yourself.
• 

  logansrun

  Nice try Czar.

  It seems that your sexual nature is very much tied to your view of yourself, including your often self-deprecating attitude that might actually highlight inner self-loathing.

  LMAO....uh...no.

  B.