Rules for guys on dealing with women

Scully

Rules Dealing With women

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.

You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is the point system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed.....+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets.....-1
You leave the toilet seat up.....-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty.....0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom.... -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
In the snow .....+8
But return with beer.....-5
And no liners.....-25

You check out a suspicious noise at night.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing.....0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something.....+5
You pummel it with a six iron.....+10
It's her cat.....-40

AT A PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party.....0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy.....-2
Named Tiffany.....-4
Tiffany is a dancer.....-10
With breast implants.....-18

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday.....0
You buy a card and flowers.....0
You take her out to dinner.....0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar.....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.....-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night.....-3
It's a sports bar, its all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team ...-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal.....0
The pal is happily married.....+1
The pal is single.....-7
He drives a Ferrari.....-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8NBED).....-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie.....+2
You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
You take her to a movie you like.....-2
It's called Death Cop III.....-3
Which features Cyborgs that crush human skulls.....-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly.....-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly &exercise to get rid of it.....+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy
Hawaiian shirts.....-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too.".....-800

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding.....-10
You reply, "Where?".....-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass".....-100
Any other response.....-20

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression.....0
You listen, for over 30 minutes.....+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50
Your mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying, "Well, what do you think I should do?".....-100
You have fallen asleep.....-200

IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH
You talk.....-100
You don't talk.....-150
You spend time with her......-200
You don't spend time with her.....-500
You seem to be enjoying yourself..-1000

GAME OVER - YOU LOSE!!!

CountryGuy

Wow! Is this why some people think that guys choose to be gay?

Just kidding!
CountryGuy

flower

ROFL! I love it

Sassy

this looks familiar..

http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/20/67207/1.ashx

looks like you have a few more on yours though

Farkel

scully,

heh, heh.

: one single rule applies: Make the woman happy

Does the reverse apply? I don't think so for the women I've met who like that "single rule." Prima donnas them. That's why women rule while pretending they don't rule! They skew all the rules in their favor!

heh, heh.

I'm fond of Jack Nickleson's comment: "A woman is a man without conscience or accountability."

Touche'! wishing you the very best as always; knowing you are having some tough times, and ALWAYS your friend,

Farkel

bebu

Now I'm going to have to revise my point system; this one you gave is much more accurate than the one I've been using!

(ROFL!!)

bebu

asleif_dufansdottir

: one single rule applies: Make the woman happy
Does the reverse apply? I don't think so for the women I've met who like that "single rule." Prima donnas them.

I dunno...Steven would disagree with you. He always tells other guys the rule is "keep the woman happy" (not that he always follows it! hardly! he is the biggest pain in the arse I know sometimes). He refers to it as 'enlightened self-interest'...cause if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Actually, the rule he most often quotes to other guys, which is not the same as "keep the woman happy", is "whatever you do, don't make her mad!"

Farkel

Scully,

At my adanced age, I'm pathetically reduced to only ONLY ONE rule:

"Never love more than you can lift."

This rule gets harder and harder to enforce as I age: I had to turn down a 25 year old who only weighed 135 pounds recently. I couldn't lift her backpack, let alone her.

Maybe I should change my rules: "never love anyone who doesn't like Rachmaninoff, even if you can't lift her. Yeah! That's the ticket. Whooooopeeeeee! I've added at least 3 females in the universe as potential victims of my love!

Sigh.

Farkel

asleif_dufansdottir

Hey, I like Rachie...his piano solos are so much fun to play (my mother always referred to my playing as "beating the piano into submission")

but I'm not available...

FirstInLine

Death Cop III

that is just too typical. and the sad thing is if it were ever used as a title it would probably work as long as it had Bruce Willis or Mel Gibson

Rules for guys on dealing with women

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