Reconnecting with an old friend

by Nosferatu 12 Replies latest social relationships

  • Nosferatu
    Nosferatu

    Okay, it's not as simple as it sounds. Tonight, I ran into a friend who I haven't spoken to in two years (we've known each other since we were 4 years old). I was civil with him, but he wanted to re-connect. Here's what happened between us....

    After my ex left me, me and him ended up renting his parents' old house, which his sister was in charge of. We lived together for about five months. I was working two jobs trying to lower the debts that my ex left me with. When I would come home at night, I would head straight to bed. I also have two cats. I didn't change the litter box for a few days, and it looked kinda gross. It didn't smell (I buy good cat litter). I came home one night after working my two jobs and found a note left on the answering machine. The note was from my friend's brother's wife, telling me what a horrible friend I was, how I'd left the cat litter box and made the house an unhealthy living environment, and I was threatened with eviction. That's pretty fucking harsh. The litter box had been emptied into a garbage bag put outside, and the note was written on a piece of computer paper. The only one who had a computer printer in the house was my friend, and his computer was in his room.

    Anyway, I confronted him about the note, and he denied having anything to do with it. I knew he was lying, so I made plans to move the hell out of there. I packed up all my shit while my friend was at work, and started moving it into my parents' place (across the street).

    After two weeks, I got a moving crew together and we moved all my stuff out of there in three hours. I left one simple note, "The keys are in the mailbox".

    A few days later, I got an email from him stating that I hadn't paid my half of the utilities for two months (which is true). So, I made up a money order, and dropped it in the mailbox. I then got an email that he claimed was from his sister (who takes care of the house) that I hadn't paid ANY utilities while I was living there. I was to pay the amount stated, or they would take me to small claims court. I sent an email back saying "go find your money elsewhere". The amount I owed was then jacked up, and then there were certain months that I owed, and I was to pay it at a certain date, or again I would be taken to court. Needless to say, I never paid. We quit speaking for two years, and I was never taken to court.

    Tonight, I ran into him, and he wants to meet up for coffee and catch up. I really don't know if I should accept him back as a friend, or just continue on as I've been doing. He gave me his number, I didn't give him mine. This decision is totally in my hands.

    It's difficult since we basically grew up together. I know I can continue on, and I'm also still hurting by what has taken place. Any opinions or thoughts you may have would be greatly appreciated.

    Edited to add: There was no contracts signed, no lease, no damage deposit, and no reciepts issued for my rent payments.

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    I'll quote what fictional lawyer Alan Shore said on tonight's episode of "The Practice":

    "I believe that in life we should all get one do-over".

    Maybe your old friend is seeking to reconnect. It didn't sound like he had any strings attached. In fact that e-mail that caused the most trouble may really have come from his sister and not him.

    Give it a shot -- maybe you'll get an old friend back. But if he EVER mentions the old debts that are allegedly owed, etc. -- then it's obvious that he's not seeking friendship but money.

  • Nosferatu
    Nosferatu
    "I believe that in life we should all get one do-over".

    The thing is, this isn't the first time he's screwed me around. It's just never been of this magnitude. Also, his sister works in the Law Courts building. She had pretty shitty spelling and punctuation (very similar to my friend's) for someone who worked in Law.

  • Sentinel
    Sentinel

    ...and you did say he was a friend?????

    Tread these waters carefully.

    /<

  • Nosferatu
    Nosferatu

    Just for kicks, here's the 3 emais I got which all came from his email address:

    donna would like to know when you are going to pay for the utilities for the
    month of jan and feb. she also is aware that you left during the month of
    march, 3 days which entitles her to the full month. she told me if you pay
    the bills from jan and feb, which includes the water, and heat and
    everything else, she will forget about march. she is expecting 130 for the
    gas. as well as for water and electrical. she told me she would cut you a
    deal and make it only 200. but if you do not pay it, then she will go for
    march rent as well as the utilities. so either pay the 200 now, or expect to
    get hit with 500 later.

    I responded that I would pay the money minus what I was owed for the phone bills.

    my sister has also mentioned to me, which i did forget, that i guess you did
    as well. you have not paid her anything for gas, or any utilities since you
    moved in. so she is going to add up from october to feb, which is 500
    dollars. minus the amount you stated and i will look for that in my mailbox.
    there is oct, nov, and dec which is 300. plus whatever you put in the
    mailbox this weekend. so my sister expects the other 300, or again, she will
    come after the rent for march and the utilites.

    I responded with "Go find your money elsewhere"

    when yu moved in with [friend] the rent was 200.00 per month plus utilities
    which was 100.00 per month which totalled 300.00 per month. you only paid
    100.00 of that amount for the month of dec which was 65.00for gas and 35.00
    for water does that ring a bell in your head so you do owe for gas and
    water who paid for that i did out of my own pocket till i got the rent money
    from you I also forwarded copies of the gas bill from october to march and
    yu still owe for october november and january and february of 100.00 you
    think i would be out of mind only charging 200.00 per month including
    utilities you were always late paying your rent [friend] had to also get after
    you to pay me. if i was trying to shaft you why wouldnt i have charged
    youfor storing your furniture for nothing so you could save money so i do
    expect the utilities that you owe of 400.00 per month or i will take you to
    small claims court as i mean business. than i will also file a claim with
    the rentalsman for you moving out without notice and well see who will get
    the last laugh i expect the balance by cheque no later than april 15,2002
    or we will see you in court also if you had lived in an apartment you would
    have been evicted long ago because of your late payments for rent

    I wasn't forwarded any copies of anything.

  • bikerchic
    bikerchic

    Nos, if you can put the past behind you and are in a place to start with a clean slate with this guy I would say go for it. Meet him again and just see where it takes you. Maybe you'll have a good friend back in your life who has grown up and is ready to really be a friend of quality.

    Like Gopher said:

    "I believe that in life we should all get one do-over".

    IMHO because you've even brought it all back up I don't think you are at that place, you know clean slate start over........of course you are the best judge of where your heart is, just listen to it.

    I'm the kind of person who picks my (close) friends very carefully. I am very loyal, open and giving and I like the same in my friends. In all my life have only had two friends who violated my trust and one of them I totally broke off all contacts with, the other one we still speak but I don't trust her with anything personal anymore.

    I hope whatever you decide to do it's something you can live with and brings you peace of mind.

    Kate

  • Nosferatu
    Nosferatu
    Maybe you'll have a good friend back in your life who has grown up and is ready to really be a friend of quality.

    I find the fact that he's grown up to be very unlikely. He mentioned to me that he maxed out two credit cards in just a few months. His girlfriend would be pissed off if he was late coming home. To me, it sounds like he's still trying to please everyone at once, and he's getting caught in the middle. Until he learns to look out for himself and his interests, I see no point in reconnecting with him. I'll just be setting myself up for more crap.

    of course you are the best judge of where your heart is, just listen to it.

    LOL! My heart is screaming, "ARE YOU F**KING CRAZY??!!?!?"

    I hope whatever you decide to do it's something you can live with and brings you peace of mind.

    I doubt I'll get peace of mind no matter which decision I make. However, if I go back and I get hit with a similar situation from him, I'll be beating myself up over it (again). I need to watch out for my best interests, and he's created a reputation with all the experiences I've had with him in the past. Ass-kissing just doesn't work with me anymore.

  • bikerchic
    bikerchic

    ahhhhhh my friend I think you have the answer:

    LOL! My heart is screaming, "ARE YOU F**KING CRAZY??!!?!?"
    doubt I'll get peace of mind no matter which decision I make. However, if I go back and I get hit with a similar situation from him, I'll be beating myself up over it (again). I need to watch out for my best interests, and he's created a reputation with all the experiences I've had with him in the past. Ass-kissing just doesn't work with me anymore

    Yep, I always wonder why people would allow crap back into their lives when they've experienced the peace of keeping it out.

    Hugs!

    Kate

  • Nosferatu
    Nosferatu
    Yep, I always wonder why people would allow crap back into their lives when they've experienced the peace of keeping it out

    Summed up very nicely bikerchic!

  • Maverick
    Maverick

    This guy reminds me of an employee that I had. He worked for me for nine years and quit with no notice. Then I discovered tools missing from my work truck. I let it go as severance pay. He called me two months later wanting his job back. I told hin no. I was nice about it. He called me about a year later in a bad way money wise. Wanted some work. He did not ask for a hand out so I get him some money. I would never let him work for me again so giving him a few bucks made me feel good about me.

    You got this guy out of your life. It would have been OK to talk to his sister when the whole thing happened, but now, walk away. Too many nice people to be around, why waste your energy on this guy? Maverick

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