Spoke my mind ... (page 2)

beckyboop

(((((((((((((((Vivamus))))))))))))))))) That's great you were able to tell your dad how you felt without getting angry. When we finally can be honest with our parents about things that hurt us, it seems like we jump over a huge hurdle. Good for you! I hope if nothing else he realizes that his treatment of you does nothing to further your relationship, and maybe he'll finally do something to change that. That said, we are still coming to Amsterdam in 2 weeks and hope to see you. Good luck in your new place! BTW, which place did you choose? I vaguely remember a thread about that... Becky

Sentinel

Funny and sad as well, that we are told "I love you" by so many people in our lives, who haven't got a clue what that really means. We can't fix them; we can only fix ourselves.

(((feel better)))

/<

bikerchic

(((((((((((((((Viv))))))))))))))

I told him I had no interest in his money, I told him I wanted something from him that he would never be able to give me ? family.
Sperm donors don?t make daddy?s per se. It is time I accepted that.

Wow Viv that is powerful! You go girl! Keep working on accepting it, it gets easier!

Kate

imallgrowedup

(((((Viv)))))

I totally understand where you are coming from. It wasn't all that long ago when I was where you are now. I suspect that this issue isn't so much about whatever financial situation you are in with your father right now, but the fact that this situation is just indicative of so many others you have had with him where you have had glimpses of the realization your eyes are now open to - and that is - that your father isn't who you want and/or need him to be. I can tell you from recent personal experience, I know how that feels in relation to my non-JW parents. In fact, like Nos, I realized that if these people were not my parents, I would never choose to associate with them in the first place. At first, this was the saddest realization I had ever had. But as I finally began to accept that they are who they are, that I am who I am - and that neither of us live up to the other's concept of what the other should be and that nothing would ever change that, it became literally the most liberating experience of my life. When I realized that I really liked who I am - whether they did or not - I was finally free from all the expectations they put upon me (and made darn sure I knew I didn't live up to). With that knowledge, I also realized that if they couldn't change me, then I also couldn't change them. That was pretty mind-blowing, believe it or not! From there I just developed a different plan of action on how to deal with them. Their words, and their passive-agressive manipulative games (including, but not limited to - financial situations) no longer affected me. They were just being who they are - and since I couldn't change that - I wasn't going to ever let those things they said and did ever affect my own self concept again. Once I made that decision, so much of the anger I had carried around for years from which I could never determine the source just vanished - and the depression that I had suffered from since a child, diminished greatly. Since then, our relationship has changed dramatically. Of course, they are frustrated that they can no longer control me, and at first they lashed out with anger I hadn't seen since I was an aggravating teen-ager! But they have come to learn that I'm not taking their crap anymore, and when I get tired of it, I just stay away from them. I don't choose to be around people that are negative and are doing their best to try to bring me down to their level. They have learned that if they want a relationship with me, they are going to have to treat me with respect - which, for the most part, they do now. But they didn't treat me that way until I put my foot down - and I couldn't do that until I was ready to take control of my own life. To this day it makes me sad that my non-JW parents lead unhappy and "woe-is-me" lives, but I can not change that in them. Only they can. I still wish like anything I could have their approval for just being the person I grew up to be, but I don't hinge who I am on that wish. I give the approval to myself instead, because I know that I will never get it from them. And the very best part of all is that even though going through the emotional turmoil to get to where I am now was difficult, I am soooooo happy I went through it. So, even if your realization that your dad is really nothing more than a sperm donor is a sad one right now, I promise you that eventually you will feel much better about it. And once you do, it is easier to deflect whatever animosity there may be between the two of you. Hang in there - I promise it gets better.

If there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. I totally understand where you are coming from.

growedup

Grows1 -

Your compassion for this wonderful person who was reaching out for support is overwhelming. I certainly hope that the next time you reach out for understanding, some stranger doesn't blast you a new orifice and tell you where to put it. This isn't to say that you are not entitled to your opinion. However, it is how and when you express it that determines whether it is given any credence. I suggest you work on those two areas if you want to last very long in this environment where we do whatever we can to support one another when we are down - not exacerbate the situation.

Vivamus

Thank you Guest

Maverick, oh my, that is one of the sweetest things ever said to me

Thanx Sassy

Nosferatu, oh my, that does sound like my dad! Always asking something in return, blech .... Good for you with this remark " He tried to keep me at home with the offer of cheap rent. Personally, I would rather have expensive rent and all my freedom." Cuz are are things no amount of money ever can buy.

Grows1.... LMAO. You are too funny. I will spare you and not humiliate you in public by pointing out to you how narrowminded it is to make judgement calls like that, without even knowing a person or checking up on the info posted earlier about a certain subject. Or maybe you did, and then I should congratulate you on being exactly like my dad

((Becky)) can you mail me at [email protected]? Cuz I do wanne meet you And I choose the place in my hometown, its cheaper, safer, and nicer

Sentinel

Bikerchick, yeah, once acceptance is there, healing is coming fast.

Growedup, thank you for sharing that. That is exactly how it feels and is. "I don't choose to be around people that are negative and are doing their best to try to bring me down to their level." - and I agree, hence my decision

-

Blue Bubblegum Girl

Carmel

Grow1, it's obvious your definition of family is one based on economics and private property rights. Most of humanity does not.

carmel

morty

First of all......Grown1, are you viv's donor???????....like another poster said, I hope there is never a time that you need support here because I am afraid that you will not get much ( not from me anyways)...People here,IMO, tend to remember such ways we SUPPORT each other.....

((((((((((((((((((((((viv)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

You are a strong young girl, and I wish you much happiness & comfort in your life...

You spoke your mind in a polite way....( you must get this from your wonderful mom)

BTW, how is your mom doing?? Have not seen her around on the board lately.Just miss her

Morty

Frannie Banannie

Hugs 'n smoochies to ya, Viv! You are a truly upright soul, chere!

Frannie B

LittleToe

Grown1:
And I thought it was us Scots that were supposed to be tightwads!!!
You really take the biscuit, dude. And to state it so publically...
that's not brass ones, it's the height of stupidity!

Hyghlandyr

viv, are you plagerizin my terms? Sperm donor?

:P

Anyhow check out that hot chick..whats her name..um ..As if I would forget..whatever..

Angelina Finn Jolie (Bows head and clasps hands) Eternal praise be unto her.

Anyways her dada John Voigt was all nasty to her and now she doesnt see him anymore.

Heck with these idiots frankly.

As far as parents givin money..maybe if they spent time teachin their kids how to be financially stable,
were financially stable themselves BEFORE they had kids, prepared a financial start for their kids,
again before they had children, then kids wouldnt be broke when they grew up. That is why I have
chosen not to have children at this point. If it gets to the point that I can give them a good start in
their ADULT life, when they have grown up, then I will consider children. Otherwise its the box
for my trox.

Spoke my mind ...

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